Kelly08 Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Hi, So I am trying to move on and yet this still hurts especially not knowing what exactly happened. We’ve been dating for over a year, and our relationship for the most part have been amazing, understanding and supporting each other, making each other laugh. I’ve spent the holidays with his family, I’ve met all of them before. We couldn’t take our anniversary trip on time which is why we took it a month and half after, and 20 days after that trip he told me it’s over. We had a 3 Day breakup before where it was my initiation but it was a whole misunderstanding and we got back few days after and got back to be good. We also promised each other that we will always talk to each other when something is bothering us, that we will be open in our communication. We’ve discussing some plans about future like how we will have to do the wedding since my family in a different country. Once I finally told my family he wanted to go visit them and I was not sure if my family will agree for that before engagement and I told him there is that possibility and I don’t want to rush us. That’s because I wanted him to come to a decision and propose when he is ready. Later my family said let him come visit, so I told him abaout it and asked him to go with me few month, first he said it’s your first visit in a while, and I said it’s ok you don’t have to go for the whole length of the trip yours can be shorter. Then he said things he needs to do to be able to make the trip like get a passport, and he started the processing by getting his birth certificate. This is after I told him I really want you to come with me. In the next week we haven’t had much time together, we have different schedules and that was one thing we always going into the relationship that spending time together will be a challenge of finding common time. But I noticed he started pulling a way a bit although still being kind and himself when we saw each other but his texts became a bit shorter and rare. We agreed to make time and meet on Thursday night and spent time till Friday afternoon, morning I was working from home until he needed to go to work then later that evening I was going away for the weekend to my friend’s. Friday we said bye as usual and he was very short on text that night, I thought he was just busy at work. On Saturday we had a short phone conversation and Everything sounded ok. On my way back Sunday I called him and he said his schedule changed again and now he is off Sunday and Monday but he didn’t text me as he thought I’ll return late I said now I’m on my way and we agreed I’ll come over. So once I got there we were having short conversations but I wanted to talk to him that it feels like something is wrong. At this moment I thought he was freaking out about visiting my family. But turns out he was planning on ending things. I have no idea what happened, he started conversation by saying you are great gf but I don’t know if I want to marry you and I always thought I’d know by now. I tried to be kind in my response but with time I lost temper and said why did you make me ask that permission then. Later he told me he’s been happier lately by himself than when we are together and cherry on top he kissed someone else on Friday, he didn’t plan on it he was just hanging out with a friend talking drinking. I told him don’t care about the kiss if you were drunk care if she means anything to you and he said well we have a lot in common, we’ve been friends, I don’t know. It’s all I’ve been to think about last two days how I messed up. I asked him why he didn’t tell me earlier that he’s being unhappy with me working from or anything else he said since I was dealing so much he didn’t wanted to add to it(I’ve been a bit sick for the last 2 month so can’t work out which I love to do or most other stuff like staying out too late as I keep getting sleepy) in which my response was I’d rather you told me then, you know I always listened to you, we could’ve found a way to spend more time or something. I asked what he is saying and he said he’s changed and he thinks this is over. Just like that everything went from us having laughs even that Friday to over on Sunday. I don’t know what to think, besides may be freaked out because he thought we needed to get married after few months of my family which I told him before was traditional after engagement, but the visit wasn’t an engagement. I don’t exactly know the true reason behind it because I can’t believe a person would discuss a wedding in such detail with a person who he doesn’t want to marry. I never rushed him to that always said Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 (edited) he started conversation by saying you are great gf but I don’t know if I want to marry you and I always thought I’d know by now. I tried to be kind in my response but with time I lost temper and said why did you make me ask that permission then. Later he told me he’s been happier lately by himself than when we are together and cherry on top he kissed someone else on Friday, he didn’t plan on it he was just hanging out with a friend talking drinking. I told him don’t care about the kiss if you were drunk care if she means anything to you and he said well we have a lot in common, we’ve been friends, I don’t know. It’s all I’ve been to think about last two days how I messed up. Based on the bold, he was probably feeling this way for a long time. He just didn't tell you because most times dumpers take their time with coming to a decision as to when they're ready to finally end it. It's a surprise to you because you never saw it coming. I believe when you spoke about taking the relationship to the next level, he realized it was time to end it and stop leading you on. Maybe it was more than a kiss or just a kiss. Clearly he's not invested in you anymore and is moving on. How did you mess up? Edited February 5, 2018 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly08 Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 How did you mess up? Sorry if it was confusing, he said he could think about for the last two days was how he messed everything up. The thing we’ve talking about taking thing two next level for a while now this visit is just the result of it as I took my time to tell my family since they would expect engagement. I only told them that after one of our conversation where I thought he just made a decision he wants more. Clearly after that conversation our discussions about wedding became more frequent. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Sorry if it was confusing, he said he could think about for the last two days was how he messed everything up. The thing we’ve talking about taking thing two next level for a while now this visit is just the result of it as I took my time to tell my family since they would expect engagement. I only told them that after one of our conversation where I thought he just made a decision he wants more. Clearly after that conversation our discussions about wedding became more frequent. Yes, sometimes people just go with the flow because they're too afraid to tell you the truth about how they truly feel about the relationship. Due to guilt, fear, etc. Chances are he dragged it for as long as he could and this new woman may have been what pushed him to end it or he may have decided that it was time to stop leading you on. Probably realized that things were getting real and he knew he was coming to wall. I'm sorry you are hurting but you have to accept what he's telling you. And trust me, it didn't just happen. He has been thinking about it for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly08 Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 That hurts to know that he might have been thinking about it and let me go on, tell my family, which in my culture is very difficult. I asked him why he said he wanted to go and let me ask for that permission and he said he wanted to. Knowing I spent more than a year with this person, and then the last few months working on getting my family’s agreement for a person who wasn’t sure while knowing how all of this was difficult for me. And his brother always used to tell us it’s time for you guys to move in, to get a kid, even this Christmas. I was starting to love some of his family members as my family as well. I am still living my life, out with my friends, working, but things like this is what makes me question why the world is so cruel, and the person who was caring yesterday hurts you so much today Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly08 Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 This might sound crazy but I want him back, as we did have very understanding, supporting and loving relationship, and we knew how to have fun as well. I want that back, and I stopped texting him. I texting him on the day of and next day, not blaming, more of asking how did this happen.After not texting for 5 days, I texted him asking to get a coffee and said I can bring it his stuff as well, he has a drawer in my place and few other stuff. He replied after about an hour saying he can’t today he is on his way to work. So I just said ok let me know when. After that text 2 days ago I said I will not text him anymore unless he replies to set up time. Also yesterday I posted a video of me dancing with friends at a restaurant on instagram and he stopped following me. Also that’s not a fake because I’ve been having fun with friends, in fact I didn’t tell them about the breakup until yesterday and they were surprised both by the news and by how they didn’t notice it. It’s the time I’m alone sometimes the pain hits me. Right now I don’t know what to think? Link to post Share on other sites
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