Broken broken Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I just broke up with my fiance last night. He treated me so bad. We were together for almost 2 years. He proposed to me in December and the past two weeks he was looking for argument, like he was pushing me to break up. He finally succeed leaving me with this emptiness, and the guilt of letting myself be treated this way. I'm 40, he is 45. He has never been in any serious or long relationship. I'm a single mom and I feel so bad that I also put my daughter in this situation. I should have know, I should have run away from him. I just believed in us so hard. Now I am lost, I wish I would hear from him, and I control myself to not reach to him. It's like my world is falling appart, I'm lost. I read a lot of thread, the NC, I feel I can't. I have few things to get back, and I need closure. I can't accept it yet. Why would he says he loves me and want to be together for the rest of our life and then start to argue and even said he regretted proposing to me just a hour later? He was so harsh, I asked him if he wanted me leave and he use it like I was giving him an ultimatum so yes I should go and leave then...He was later at night, my house is an hour drive, I had to wake up my kid, put her in the car, I had few drinks and I had no choice to just leave and he didn't care...I am wondering what happened, did he not love me? Did sabotage us by fear? so many questions, so difficult to free my head. I don't even have tears anymore, I feel empty, used, mad and then sad... Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I sympathize, it must be very difficult, the last months leading to a breakup are always hard, sometimes the breakup is inevitable, but only the bolder partner can pull the plug, it must be miserable not to loved by the one you love but you should ponder on the pros and cons, and re reason you decided to end it, if these reasons satisfy you, the you may speak with him one more time, he will likely say no, to make you feel guilty and play some power games, however a mature person will have a mature conversation, if you can't have that, accept it as closure and try to move on with your life, NC is just reverse psychology, and NC will not make anyone change esp if initiated by the dumpee to make the dumpee come back because of guilt. You are both adults, try to have an adult conversation maybe over the phone or even better in person, if it doesn't work , please move on as difficult as it is, try Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I didn't decided to end it. I'm feeling I'm the dumpee here. He clearly did it to us. I know nothing really matter now. I will try to talk to him maybe in a few days. I don't want to end like that...so bitter. I love him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
primer Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 It sounds to me like he is messed up. Proposing to you one month and then looking to argue the next month is not normal. I know it's hard, but please move on. You do not deserve this. From experience, things will not change or improve with him. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) I can't keep wondering how it's possible that we came to that point. He was probably not sincere or he messed up really bad, I hope he realizes soon. Me and my daughter don't deserve that. We were ready to be a family. I gave him everything, I always try to communicate, I always listen, I hate drama, all I wanted was love, complicity, a stable life. I'm a single mom and it's hard, I guess I should have been more cautious before falling so hard. At Christmas we were in his family drinking champagne to celebrate our engagement...His parents were so happy, his friends too. They never thought he would ever get into a relationship and getting married. They really all loved me. He always said at the beginning that I deserve better than him or wonder what I saw in him. He is 45 and I was the second girlfriend he ever presented to his family. The first one was when he was in his twenties and his only relationship that lasted a year. I felt special, loved, that he was waiting for a real love, I thought he was the love of my life. Edited January 28, 2018 by Broken broken Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Just got two text from him... first one "that didn't go well but kinda expected. hope you got home safely" I didn't reply, then an hour later: "Can you please give me a sign that you are home" Should I even bother to reply...obviously he didn't care last night, should I make him feel better telling him I'm home? And his first text I think show that he expected it, he knew that it would go this way, he made it happen...do people do that intentionnaly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Stupid how i look for answer? I'm felling so down, depressed and lost. i know the first days are going to be the worst, but it's feels i'll never get through... Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Stupid how i look for answer? I'm felling so down, depressed and lost. i know the first days are going to be the worst, but it's feels i'll never get through... Do you have friends or family you can perhaps visit or stay with for a while? During the worst of it, being alone is poison. The absense of the other person can eat away at you. The best thing you can do right now is *avoid* thinking. Visit with family or friends. Try reaching out to your support network and getting a shoulder to cry on. If those things aren't available, I recommend Lifeline, or any other phone counselling service. Sometimes it's just comforting to have another voice at the end of the line to hear you. I'm sorry this has happened and that it ended so badly for you. Life isn't over however and you can get through this. You never know what's around the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Thank you beowulf, I did reach to one friend. I have no family. I live in the US but I'm from Europe so I'm really isolated here. I'm trying to be a good mom and it keeps me up but it also makes it hard when I just want to disappear for at least a little. I have work to get done and I can't keep my mind to it and it makes me feel worst. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I just broke up with my fiance last night. He treated me so bad. We were together for almost 2 years. He proposed to me in December and the past two weeks he was looking for argument, like he was pushing me to break up. He finally succeed leaving me with this emptiness, and the guilt of letting myself be treated this way. I'm 40, he is 45. He has never been in any serious or long relationship. I'm a single mom and I feel so bad that I also put my daughter in this situation. I should have know, I should have run away from him. I just believed in us so hard. Now I am lost, I wish I would hear from him, and I control myself to not reach to him. It's like my world is falling appart, I'm lost. I read a lot of thread, the NC, I feel I can't. I have few things to get back, and I need closure. I can't accept it yet. Why would he says he loves me and want to be together for the rest of our life and then start to argue and even said he regretted proposing to me just a hour later? He was so harsh, I asked him if he wanted me leave and he use it like I was giving him an ultimatum so yes I should go and leave then...He was later at night, my house is an hour drive, I had to wake up my kid, put her in the car, I had few drinks and I had no choice to just leave and he didn't care...I am wondering what happened, did he not love me? Did sabotage us by fear? so many questions, so difficult to free my head. I don't even have tears anymore, I feel empty, used, mad and then sad... UGH. I am so sorry. I don't believe he was ready to make that commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 yes I guess he never was ready for that commitment and i guess he just pretended to everybody, lying to himself, and pushing me away in the same time...i can try to rationalize but it just hurts so bad, i was stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 and i finally reply to him "I got home" and leaved it there. I wanted to say more but i figured that was pointless. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Don't feel guilty. Upon seeing the bad stuff you took swift action to protect your daughter from a lifetime of this. In the long run she will have learned that independence is more important then having a man -- any man especially a bad man -- just for the sake of not being alone. Yes it sucks & you will feel empty for a while but you will heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Thanks d0nnivain, I agree. I want to show her the good example of a good relationship. I am quite independent, I was dreaming this time was real, for good and happiness. When it started to go bad, I still wanted to believe it will get better, or get back to the happiest time we had the 3 of us. It will not and apparently could go worst so yes, I will heal, I will get back on my feet. I have to find strength and motivation to not let myself go down and be depressed. I have been in a 9 years relationship with her dad and it was really bad, lot of verbal abuse. I didn't know to get out of it without losing her so I stayed until I could secure financially to be independent and raising her on my own without support. I sometimes have to remind myself how I was miserable during those time and I know I'm way better now, alone, better than in a bad marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
kvolm2016 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I am so sorry for this very difficult situation and for all the emotional pain you are experiencing. Being a single parent is so tough and I applaud you for having your daughter's best interest by leaving an abusive marriage. Though you are likely still in shock from such a drastic turn of events this past week, I hope you will be able to see that maybe you have been spared from being in another unhealthy relationship. Do you think it would be helpful for both you and your daughter to receive some counseling support? Link to post Share on other sites
kvolm2016 Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 Just thought I would check to see how you are doing this week? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken broken Posted February 4, 2018 Author Share Posted February 4, 2018 (edited) Thank you for checking. It's been a week now since the argument happened. It's really hard. He checked if I made it home safely last sunday by text, I just replied I did. He texted monday night and then tried to call. I texted back later I was sleeping. He tried to call tuesday early afternoon, I texted within 5 min that I was in a meeting. After that I didn't received any sign. I tried to call and texted him friday...nothing, tried again saturday and figured he had blocked me. I knew it had to end but I feel so bitter the way it happened. I ended up writing him a email saturday night, since that might be my only way to contact him. I needed to let out how bad it hurts to be blocked, erased from his life and that I get he had changed his mind within the past weeks. I don't understand but ending like that just taste bitter and I'd rather had nice words and keep good memories instead. I know it doesn't change anything but I needed to say something. I'm not a garbage you can just trash. I will probably never heard from him. I don't know...I have stuff at his place to get and he had some of his at mine. I'm not sure I'll do something about it. I could drop his stuff at his door when he is at work. Overall I'm doing better accepting the situation but I think about him and about it everyday. I even got caught up feeling bad for him because I thought he must be feeling down right now and that's stupid. I should concentrate on myself. I guess I'm still lost but for sure I'm not hoping for reconciliation, I got my lesson and saw him with different eyes. I would have been unhappy marrying him if what I saw would be our life, or at least part of it. I guess I need time to recover and learn from it. This week I just wished we could have a "nice" breakup talk, exchange our stuff, that would have help to move on. I guess my thought are confused, I wish I could understand what happened... Edited February 4, 2018 by Broken broken Link to post Share on other sites
kvolm2016 Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 It makes sense that you are still thinking about him and the whole situation. We all try to figure out what went wrong and what we might have done differently. It is hard to deal with any drastic change in our life so I am glad to hear that you are doing better with accepting the situation. That will help you make progress toward moving on. Do you think it might help you to talk with a counselor? Link to post Share on other sites
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