Broke up after 5 years, still living with ex, need some

[OhneDich]

I had a distance relationship that lasted almost 5 years. We met during her last semester of her studies while she was studying in my city and started a relationship. After she finished her studies, she went back to her town which is an hour and a half away with the bus. I traveled to her town almost every weekend and stayed at her house to spend time with her. I couldn't go more often due to my work. Sometimes she came to my city as well, but not so often, because her family was having financial problems and couldn't afford the travel costs. Sometimes I offered to cover her travel costs, but she refused, being too proud to accept the money.

 

A little more than a year ago, her family's financial problems grew worse. She decided to go in a foreign country to work for 3 months. I offered her some money to help her, she accepted it only as a loan. Our long term plan was to move to that country. I was learning that country's language for more than a year and I was in the process of career change because it was easier to find a job there with my new profession. I wanted to get some experience in the new profession first, so I couldn't go with her. She went there, came back after 3 months and everything was same as before.

 

After 3 months she went to the foreign country again, this time for a longer term, 1 year. I started looking for a job near the place she was in through online job advertisements, sent some applications, had some telephone interviews, but didn't get a job because my language skills were still not good enough. 5 months after she left, my work contract expired and I went to the place she was in, leaving everything behind so I could be with her and try to do something to secure our future together.

 

There was a free room in the house where she was staying with 2 female housemates who were also from our country, so I moved in there. I started a language course, so I could learn the language faster. I was actively sending job applications in order to get a job as soon as possible. We were living together at last, although not in the same room. But she slept in my room couple of times and we were having sex on a regular basis after a long time.

 

However, the regular sex stopped after a while and she became distant to me. I was asking what was wrong, but every time the only answer I got was that she was tired. After almost a month after I came there, she broke up with me. She said that she knew I wanted to marry her, but she was too young for that (she's 25 and I'm 28) and that she wanted freedom. She also said that the relationship was choking her. I couldn't understand how the relationship was choking her, when we were apart for 5 months.

 

Something was fishy, so I decided to check what's happening. I don't usually do things like this, but I did check her Facebook. After all, she did check my phone often, even though I didn't have anything to hide, so I felt no guilt doing this. In the end, she DID have something to hide. During the 5 months we were apart, she became close to a colleague. I already knew that she was hanging out with him, but it didn't bother me because she told me he was gay. But it turned out that he wasn't really gay (probably bisexual) and he told her that he liked her. She really liked his character and probably that affected her decision to break up with me. I probably could have understood that, but she should have told me earlier, so I don't leave everything behind to come and be with her.

 

What bothered me even more is that 2 days before breaking up with me she started chatting with a guy she was physically attracted to. They were even exchanging photos (no nude photos until the moment I checked). In that moment I decided that I no longer wanted to get back with her. At the start, just after she broke up with me, I was feeling disappointment. After finding this out, I started feeling anger. But the problem was that I couldn't move out. I signed a rent contract for 3 months and I can't afford another accommodation. I even thought about returning to my country, but I already spent too much money and I didn't wanted it to be for nothing. I also want to prove that I am better than her and that she is the one who lost more, not me.

 

I told her that I would be staying at the same house until the end of my rent contract. We decided to try to stay away from each other. When we meet, for example in the hall or for dinner, we are friendly to each other. I also told her that, out of respect, I wouldn't pick girls up and bring them to the house for sex, even though that would help me get over her sooner. I expected that she would understand that she also shouldn't do anything with anyone else while I am staying in the house.

 

However, she has been going out with the bisexual guy and maybe also with the guy she met on Facebook. Now I'm becoming obsessed with the thought of her being with someone else and I can't help it. All I do, beside looking for a job, is working out in the day and drinking in the night. I can't concentrate during my language course or anything else. I want to find out if she is having something with one of them. That would really help me move on. If I find out she has something with one of them, I am definitely going out there to pick up a girl and bring her in the house for sex. However, Facebook is not an option anymore, since she probably noticed that I had logged in and changed her password. So I should find that out from her. What is the best way to ask her if she is having something with someone else?

 

Thanks to everyone who reads through this wall of text and tries to answer and help me. Cheers!

[HumanMachine]

Leave the house, why are you torturing yourself? The relationship is done. I hope she paid that money back she owed you.....

[OhneDich]

Leave the house, why are you torturing yourself? The relationship is done. I hope she paid that money back she owed you.....

 

Because I'm in a foreign country with a limited amount of money, I have a rent contract signed and I can't afford to pay both the last month of that contract and a one month rent at another house. And it's hard to find another accommodation anyway.

 

As for the money, she gave it back to me couple of days after she broke up with me.

 

There is actually an update to the situation. After I opened this thread, I heard a small part of a phone talk, which made me 100% certain that she was talking with the guy who she started chatting with while she was still in a relationship with me. I realized they are talking every day and also they have met at least once, in another town nearby. I confronted her about it, told her a know everything and lots of other things, some of which I should have said and some that probably I shouldn't have said.

 

The result was that she said she no longer wanted to talk to me and she even blocked me on Facebook. These are both good things in this situation, I think. The only problem that remains is to maintain no contact in the same house for the next 4 weeks. My room is on the ground floor, next to the house entrance, so I would see her at least once per day, when she is leaving or entering the house. This morning she even entered my room before she left for work, to ask me something that is not related at all with the situation. There is also only one kitchen in the house, so there is a chance I would meet her there when I cook my food. Any suggestions how to avoid her 100% of the time?