DontBreakEven Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I knew relatively early on that she was wrong for me. We are just complete opposites, and while that created a chemistry, we share very few core life values. What kills me though is what ultimately ended it. I posted in the Dating section about this while we were still dating, but she sees herself as an artist. She is pursuing it full time (music, poetry) - with no income at the moment, mind you - and the truth is that I don't believe in her art. Some of the poetry is amazing, but the music is not, and not everything is homerun writing-wise either. I tried to mask my feelings about this as much as I could, but what she wanted form me was love and complete praise and support and belief in her and her dreams. I would LOVE to give all of that to someone. It's what I feel like I was born to do is be the greatest fan of someone's life, but I also have to be authentic in it. And I couldn't be authentic here. I couldn't. And she knew it, and I couldn't keep crushing her by having her know that the one person she wants to be behind her 100% is only behind her like 30%. I feel like a jerk. I am also extremely sad because it's just yet another goodbye I have to make. I'm so so tired of goodbyes :'( Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 We date to see if someone is a good match. i remember your thread about it. I knew it wasn't going to last. I mean, she takes that seriously, and if you don't love that or at least love that she's passionate about it, there's no way it could work. Don't feel bad. She just isn't your type or you hers. It's no one's fault. It would have been worse to fake it. Better luck next time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) Every poet wants to be the next Elizabeth Bishop, but those are far and few between. If her writing was that good, then she would be earning an income from it. The reason you are only behind her writing 30% is because its not that good, this is not your fault. Don't beat yourself up. Say "good bye" in a gentle manner, be respectful. There is a famous quote, but I don't know who the author is I think it is something like... "Men/Women are like buses. If you miss one there is always another on the way in 15 minutes" Edited January 19, 2018 by Happy Lemming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreakEven Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 The reason you are only behind her writing 30% is because its not that good, this is not your fault. Don't beat yourself up. No, it's not that good. Some of the poetry is really good. Other than that, the rest of the art is subpar at best. I tried to push her the way of the stuff that was really good, and she kept pushing back and me and being insistent about the crap. She literally thinks it's all amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreakEven Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 There is a famous quote, but I don't know who the author is I think it is something like... "Men/Women are like buses. If you miss one there is always another on the way in 15 minutes" I know this to be true but honestly I hate it. Especially when people leave me and think I'm just replaceable. Every connection is unique and special. They are all hard to let go, in my opinion. I know with 100% certainty there is someone even slightly better out there for me. No doubt in my mind. In fact I've never been in a dating situation where I've felt MORE sure of that. Usually I'm lamenting I'll never find someone like "so and so". Not this time. But. In the comes the Fear Obligation and Guilt. She wanted that love and support from me. And I went in with full intention seeing if I could give it to her. Not often am I able to say I can't (I fall rather easily). But this time I truly couldn't. And it's actually harder in some ways then just simply being hurt or rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
mayonnaise Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Here's a quote for this situation: You are not wrong, she is not wrong. You are just wrong for each other. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 In a loving relationship with good communication you would be able to praise the good art/poetry/etc. and say "nah" to the stuff you didn't like and she'd be fine with it and respect your input. That being said, art is subjective and that means that neither of you is right or wrong. I happen to hate the Mona Lisa and would rather use it for target practice than hang it on my wall, but I digress. What I do think is clear here is that you're just not into this gal, and it's best you two part ways. Link to post Share on other sites
qtntran Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I think you're conflicted between two ideas: 1. Be honest and break her heart (which you're planning to). 2. Lie and stay together or make it work (it's torture and you realized you can't do that anymore). I think more than anything you feel like a failure and the guilt of going along with something that you knew wasn't right from the beginning. You failed at being a loving and supportive bf and that's where your guilt and biggest pain is. Your intention was good, but sometimes we gotta know when to cut our losses. Think of it this way, your good-bye is a release for both of you. For her to have an opportunity to find someone who can appreciate her art and for you to find someone who's more compatible. It's really a win-win situation in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
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