Why do I feel so terrible after my horrible partner dumped me?

[robinet]

Was with my GF for almost 7 years. She lived with me in my house for the last 5+ years.

 

We were looking to buy a house together for a long time (for various reasons we didn't manage to accomplish this).

 

Just before Xmas over a year ago, she told me she had found another apartment herself, and she was going to move in there, but still wanted me as her boyfriend. She also told me that her moving out wasn't about our relationship, but had to do with she being fed up with living in another persons house. She planned on moving out a few days later, just before New Years Eve.

 

I was pissed by she getting an apartment behind my back. It got worse. She had the apartment, but actually never moved out.

 

For the next about eight months, she had the new apartment, but were always in mine to sleep and eat dinner. I tried to reach out to her and talk out our differences, but she did what she has always done - critizing me for starting an argument. A few times she actually escaped to her new apartment to avoid discussing (or what she called arguing) with me. I also repeatedly asked her to actually move out so we could have some time for ourselves, maybe that's what we both needed.

 

I also suggested multiple times that we should break up, but it always ended in her crying. During these months she also gradually moved her furniture out to the new apartment, each time without telling me beforehand. A table here, a chair there, some plates there... These months have been horrible. No sex (neither me or her wanted it), and she and her furniture just slipping away. I suggested counseling (either both or just one of us), but we never got to it.

 

I tried a lot (go on dates, talk), but were also pretty mad at her, and in my opinion, she did absolutely nothing to fix anything.

 

After 8 months she finally made her decision to move out, and break up. She had the nerve to blame everything on me (that I had done absolutely nothing for the past 8 months), and also fully blaming me for why we didn't manage to find a house for the past 7 years.

 

I was a bit mad, but mostly fine after the breakup. After all, I had also trying to break up with her before, I have repeatedly ruled out that I wanted to grow old with her, and there were just a thousand things that didn't work out. Our relationship was very good the first 3-4 years, before we couldn't agree on buying a house, she blamed every difference we had on me, and our relationship just stopped progressing.

 

I honestly say that I didn't miss her at all after the breakup, and I thought it was good to be without her a lot of the time before as well.

 

We had some contact later (which was mostly friendly), and one day I was stupid enough to ask her what was up with her. My deepest hope was that she would answer something like ("I realize I have some issues to work on, so I'm seeing a mental health professional"). She told me she got a new boyfriend. She also was rude enough to tell me that she wanted to tell me first, before I heard it from others (she would likely never told me unless I had given her this opening). I think she is a terrible person, and does not deserve anything like this. I have struggled to fix our relationship for years, while she had done next to nothing, and she has the nerve to think its just me that there is just me there is something wrong with, and moves to the next guy.

 

This threw me into a depression that is new to me. I've been in breakups before and none has felt this horrible. Honestly, there are just very rarely I miss anything about her. My mind is constantly filled with how many stupid things she had done or said, and how patient I have been, and why in the world I didn't break up her myself like maybe 2-3 years ago. I haven't had much appetite for sex with her for just as long.

I think I stayed with her mostly because I thought we could work out our differences.

 

I do not want her to be happy. Hate is actually a good word for it. I hope her new boyfriend is a violent psycopath.

 

She is on my mind 24/7. My rational self thinks I should be very happy to be relieved of her, so says my friends and family.

 

I don't understand why i feel this bitter, angry, and depressed.

[Happy Lemming]

Why does it matter who is at fault?? Do you really care about her analysis of you?? Its going to be filled with emotion, so its just going to be hurtful.

 

I don't understand the slow moving out process, was that to hurt you a little at a time??

 

Thank your lucky stars that you didn't purchase a house with this person. Can you imagine trying to sell it and her not agreeing to the sale price and refusing any offer, just to spite you.

 

You suggested breaking up, she suggested breaking up... The relationship wasn't working. It ran its course, you held on to it for too long. You admitted there was no sex for months. It was over.

 

If the relationship has run its course, then (personally) I'd actually prefer the woman dump me, then she can tell her girlfriends she dumped me and there is less trauma and drama.

 

Also, I don't have the personality to live with someone. I don't like answering to someone or having to explain myself or tell them where I'm going, etc, etc. I'm also an early morning person and hate having to be quiet, so my SO can sleep in. You may also be like this.

 

Let yourself grieve, then try again. You'll be fine.

 

Just my opinion...

[Highndry]

You spent a very long time with this woman. There is always pain from loss. You also feel mistreated among other things, and it can take a while for that anger to subside.

[Been]

Your angry because you wasted time trying to make it work with her when you knew what the end was going to be.

You also got used to e drama- the up and down. The fighting.

Now throw into the mix that she was seeing/talking with someone while you were still trying to fix things and now you not only hate her but yourself.

And I know you replay events in your head- no sex for months,the her moving things out piece by piece. Those two are huge red flags that you ignored and now when you think about it you get angry.

We all get into stupid things. Hell I remember dating a person and it was always my fault. Always. And so one day I sat her down and told her I was leaving. And she gave me this huge speech about how she needed to be alone to "find herself".

A week latter she had a boyfriend. And for some reason I got sad. Couldn't figure out why because I really didn't want to be with her- too much BS.

So I couldn't put my finger on it for the longest time until one day I realized what I was sad for. I was sad because I allowed this person to waste my time and energy on a relationship that I and her knew was never going to work.

Your more angry with yourself. Angry that you wasted your time with someone who in reality didn't deserve as much as your time you gave her.