Jump to content

Blindsided before Christmas


Recommended Posts

Hello there, new to the forum and I think I'm only writing this to be cathartic as, though I'm very slowly healing, I'm still very confused and miss the hell out of my boyfriend who dumped me from no where.

 

We had only been dating for 3 months, but it was a very meaningful 3 months, one where there was immediate and ongoing personal and sexual chemistry, a short hand of humour and massive respect for one another.

 

We'd see each other twice a week (one week day and always at the weekend), every date was better than the last and he was always incredibly affection towards me. Even when he broke up, he underlined that he'd never felt what he felt with me with anyone before, he knew I was special from the moment we set eyes upon one another. It was one of those rare finds in another human being.

 

When we were together, it was great...it was when we were apart, things were iffy. He would not instigate communication with me, often waiting hours to reply to my texts (though he was improving), never arranging when we'd next meet or what we'd do (but he'd be very proactive on the date) and he kept me from meeting his friends (but would always talk to me about them, saying how I'd get along with him them).

 

To be honest, the lack of communication I gradually became use to because he had been like that form the word go, it's just who he was...when I questioned him about it, he said he would compartmentalise when to get back to me. Looking back, first red flag. When it came to the lack of organisation, I didn't mind (and still don't), I like arranging stuff and often told him to pull me in check if I went too far, he said he liked me doing it. With the friends, yes, that annoyed me, he'd met mine (they were gagging to meet him and when they did, all said he adored me and we were great together), it peeved me that I was being kept away from his.

 

In the final week leading up to his dumping me, he was as into me as ever. When given the chance to not come with me and my friends to something in case he was tired from partying with his mates, he made it clear "i'm doing everything with you", or the day before dumping me, when we were arranging our next date and discovered that due to various Christmas commitments we both had, our next time together would be a week away, but saying he would miss me in that time, said he'd cancel something which I said he shouldn't do and we'd just do something awesome when we met.

 

Instead of pulling away, he was only getting closer.

 

Then the next day, he rang me to see if he could come to mine to chat...I knew what was about to happen, but didn't know why. He came to mind (very decent of him) and told me that in his gut he couldn't see us long term and that I should find someone else that treated me as well as I treated him, because he would never organise anything for me.

 

I was not about to plead with him to stay, I can't compete against someone's "gut feeling", but I did say that it felt like he was dumping me out of fear of something and that he would one day regret this decision, as many on this forum have done so in the past. Over 20 minutes, I cried, he cried, we hugged, we lay on my bed. He wanted to stay in contact, but I said "that's not how this goes"...which made him cry more.

 

Realising I needed him to stay or go, I gave him the ultimatum of a) do you what you came to do, dump me and leave feeling relief but ultimately, one day, sadness or b) stay and work this out because relationships are hard but (like he had said) you don't find chemistry like ours every day...in fact, its the hardest thing to find.

 

He got up and walked out. We shared a few final texts, I told him the door would be open if he changed his mind, he sent me a very sweet one about how I had improved his life...I never returned. The very hard NC had begun.

 

This was 4 days ago, and though I'm getting better, I still miss him like crazy and NC is so tough...soooo tough, but I know its necessary. Though I know that ultimately, he didn't love me as much as he said he had, or he'd have stayed, I still go over everything in my head about how amazing it was, how there were no signs from him and how into me he obviously was. Is he just massively confused? Was the relationship right but the timing wrong? So many silly questions.

 

Will I hear from him again? I'd love to, but doubt I shall. All I know is that people like him come along very rarely, and even after just 3 months, a void is in me that will be tough to fill. I don't have any ill will towards him, and know that I never will. I look back on what we had with much happiness, and hope he does too.

 

Does anyone have any comments or suggestions for me? ps - thanks for reading this!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi my situation was kind of simular I met my boyfriend six months ago when we first started talking to each other we clicked right of the bat we could talk for hours spend almost everyday together he told me he loved me a week after I told him I loved him and everything was amazing from them on we made these big plans for our future to get married and live a long life together. The only thing about him is he had some challenges he was a veteran and so as you know Veterans has their challenges in relationships and he told me from the start about all the things he go through and I was willing to be with him and help take care of him now I have slight anxiety and depression but not to the point were I’m sitting and the bed like the world is ending I just cry a little when times are hard and then pick myself up. But I honestly thought I met my best friend and soul mate and he would say the same. In our case I met his friends family children and everything was just so cool I was really thinking oh man I’m going to get married to this amazing man and have a wonderful life.

 

But as time went on we started having life role in at first we were free and able to do a lot together because it was summer the kids were out of school my son was always st his dads house so we were able to just enjoy ourselves. I’ll say the challenges started arising after school started back we had less time together I had to quit my job so couldn’t spend as much time with him like we use to and we started getting a little distant. I noticed things started really changing around thanksgiving he got busy with family and I felt like even though he was busy he could have still been talking to me and texting but that wasn’t the case. And then December came things got worse he got more busy and we hung out one night got into an argument and after that things went down hill. He stopped texting me I had to text him to get a response and something just didn’t feel right.

 

So a few days ago he broke up with me stating he was scared we might both be at a down moment and blow up at each other and he didn’t want that in a marriage. I was very shocked and confused because we were glued at the hip at first nothing could tear us apart nothing could get in our way but I guess something did, I still don’t agree with his reason for leaving me but I have to respect what he wants I was so hurt because I felt like I lost my best friend and the love of my life. But at the end of the day if he really and truly loved me like he say he did I don’t think we would be in this situation like you said relationships are hard but if two people love each other you work things out if he wants to get back together in the future I would welcome him because I love him so much but if not I guess it’s just wasnt meant to be like we thought it was and honestly both of us actually might find someone better our relationship was wonderful but we were probably just meant to be friends he said he cherish my friendship and I cherish his. So as a mother my goal is to get back on track and pick myself up and continue to accomplish everything I had set and when you love someone you have to let them go if they come back welcome them if not it’s a lesson learned and I hope for the best for him and his future.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Cali - congrats on keeping true to NC, hard as it is to do. It sounds like your ex had a lot of issues to work out, and they're not yours to fix. He had something wonderful at the start, and it made him feel great, but then (like my ex) he forgot that relationships aren't always great...there are ups and downs, but working through those downs together makes the ups so much better after. You'll find your guy, just like I shall. If our ex's get back to us, then it's up to us to work out what to do next, but don't wait, start to look after yourself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...