I can't lose her forever.

[zac.edwards]

My now ex-girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 years now. To give you guys some background about us, we've been long distance for our whole relationship and we've only met once because she's still in high school and I'm in my first year of college. We've always had this indescribable connection and we've stayed in love for all these years. We had plans to move in together after she finished high school and to get married eventually and have a family etc. We were extremely happy and it felt like nothing could ever get in the way. Our plans were pretty concrete and we had already started to look at apartments.

 

Things started to go wrong about 3-4 months ago. She started to get really busy with school because she was taking many AP classes and got a puppy over the summer and had to raise her, which I understood. I was busy as well with school and work but after a while, it started to bother me that I still found time to talk to her even though I had been busy as well. Over time it started to bother me more and more and we talked about it and she was very understanding of my feelings. But inside I was still upset because I thought that she didn't care as much as I did about our relationship. Being a first year at college, I felt alone in this big school and didn't really have anyone to talk to. The only people I talked to were my co workers and my girlfriend, and after a while I guess the loneliness took a toll on my mental health. I started to feel depressed and I would constantly worry about where she was and what she was doing. We started to argue quite a bit and tried to have breaks a couple of times, but they only lasted a day or so because one of us would come back. We both really wanted this relationship but honestly, I was the problem. All she did was love and understand me and I couldn't see that past all the loneliness and sadness I was feeling.

 

Last week, I lost it and we got in a huge fight because again, she was busy and I kept thinking that she didn't care and I told her that we should call it off completely. I couldn't think straight and I was acting completely out of anger that I built up inside. It felt as if I was having a mental breakdown but honestly I don't know. I told her we shouldn't bother to leave it on good terms because she'd be fine without me anyway. Stupidest thing I've ever said. The minute I calmed down I immediately regretted it and tried to apologize the next day. She told me that I couldn't pick and choose when I wanted to stay or not (our breaks) because it hurt her, which I completely understood. She felt like I was using her and taking her for granted. I tried apologizing a million times telling her it wasn't what I meant to do and that I loved her but she wasn't having it. I tried again two more times and each time she got angrier. I know it was best to leave her alone but I didn't want her to think I was trying to hurt and use her. I understand everything she was feeling and I know that it was my fault and I can barely live with myself. I asked for another chance to show her that I could fight through all I was going through and she said no. She basically ended it there and told me she didn't want to talk to me and said goodbye.

 

I really don't know what to do at this point. I want to fix it and I've tried apologizing and doing anything I could but she isn't willing to hear me out. She completely shut me out and I know it's my fault. I would love to have some advice from you guys, it would help me a ton. I feel like this relationship still has a chance, i just quite don't know how to get it back on track. At this point I believe all I can do is give her space to calm down, but of course theres that small fear inside that she'll think I'm just not worth it anymore. I know that I'm the one at fault here and this whole thing is my mistake and I really want to make this right. She's such an amazing soul and it kills me that I hurt her like this and I want to be the man she deserves and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Any advice, tips or suggestions would be extremely helpful. Thank you guys.

[alterest]

My now ex-girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 years now. To give you guys some background about us, we've been long distance for our whole relationship and we've only met once because she's still in high school and I'm in my first year of college. We've always had this indescribable connection and we've stayed in love for all these years. We had plans to move in together after she finished high school and to get married eventually and have a family etc. We were extremely happy and it felt like nothing could ever get in the way. Our plans were pretty concrete and we had already started to look at apartments.

 

Things started to go wrong about 3-4 months ago. She started to get really busy with school because she was taking many AP classes and got a puppy over the summer and had to raise her, which I understood. I was busy as well with school and work but after a while, it started to bother me that I still found time to talk to her even though I had been busy as well. Over time it started to bother me more and more and we talked about it and she was very understanding of my feelings. But inside I was still upset because I thought that she didn't care as much as I did about our relationship. Being a first year at college, I felt alone in this big school and didn't really have anyone to talk to. The only people I talked to were my co workers and my girlfriend, and after a while I guess the loneliness took a toll on my mental health. I started to feel depressed and I would constantly worry about where she was and what she was doing. We started to argue quite a bit and tried to have breaks a couple of times, but they only lasted a day or so because one of us would come back. We both really wanted this relationship but honestly, I was the problem. All she did was love and understand me and I couldn't see that past all the loneliness and sadness I was feeling.

 

Last week, I lost it and we got in a huge fight because again, she was busy and I kept thinking that she didn't care and I told her that we should call it off completely. I couldn't think straight and I was acting completely out of anger that I built up inside. It felt as if I was having a mental breakdown but honestly I don't know. I told her we shouldn't bother to leave it on good terms because she'd be fine without me anyway. Stupidest thing I've ever said. The minute I calmed down I immediately regretted it and tried to apologize the next day. She told me that I couldn't pick and choose when I wanted to stay or not (our breaks) because it hurt her, which I completely understood. She felt like I was using her and taking her for granted. I tried apologizing a million times telling her it wasn't what I meant to do and that I loved her but she wasn't having it. I tried again two more times and each time she got angrier. I know it was best to leave her alone but I didn't want her to think I was trying to hurt and use her. I understand everything she was feeling and I know that it was my fault and I can barely live with myself. I asked for another chance to show her that I could fight through all I was going through and she said no. She basically ended it there and told me she didn't want to talk to me and said goodbye.

 

I really don't know what to do at this point. I want to fix it and I've tried apologizing and doing anything I could but she isn't willing to hear me out. She completely shut me out and I know it's my fault. I would love to have some advice from you guys, it would help me a ton. I feel like this relationship still has a chance, i just quite don't know how to get it back on track. At this point I believe all I can do is give her space to calm down, but of course theres that small fear inside that she'll think I'm just not worth it anymore. I know that I'm the one at fault here and this whole thing is my mistake and I really want to make this right. She's such an amazing soul and it kills me that I hurt her like this and I want to be the man she deserves and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Any advice, tips or suggestions would be extremely helpful. Thank you guys.

 

Write her an email telling her what you want to say, send and go full NC. You can't do anything else if she doesn't want to talk to you. She may read your email or may not. You will never know. But right now you have no much to do anyway. Focus on yourself and put in your mind that you and her are done forever. If she reach you in the future, fine. If not, you can't do anything to change her mind. Pursuit her or keep trying to talk to her only annoy her and make yourself anxious and hold in the past.

I'm really sorry, but you have only one thing to do.

[Blanco]

Do not waste these potential-filled years on someone you've only met once.

 

Six years is a really long time to dedicate to someone you've only been physically around one time. In a lot of ways, you two have built up an idyllic vision of each other, when the truth is, you don't truly and fully know what being with each other is like. There is so much to a quality long-term relationship that you cannot really know until you experience it with the other person. Personally, I think it's foolish for people of any age to literally plan a future together when they only really know each other through computer screens and phones.

 

My advice is to detach and use these college years as a means to meet new people and potentially develop something with someone in the flesh. You're far too young to be planning marriage and a family at your age, regardless of the circumstances, let alone with someone you've been physically around so little.

[HumanMachine]

6 years and you’ve only seen each other once?

[Young mind]

Can’t really my share my experience on LDR but I believe relationship dynamics are almost identical, we have all been there with those lines where a partner is suddenly ‘busy with work and school’ and when you try to push they become cold and try to pick a fight or something, similar to mine after 2.5 yrs, the last months are identical, the truth is they fell out love, whatever that means but thy are not bold enough to cut the cords, when you finally do it, they grab on this and never let go, you may beg and plead but it’s done, she can’t be possibly hurt so much only after you pulled the cord, what about the preceding weeks where she was cold and both of you couldn’t solve the issues.

The answer still remains the same, no matter how you try you will never decipher anything, now you need time for everything to cool down, I you wish you may write a final letter, apologizing, accepting any wrongs you did and move on.

Love yourself

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you are seeing why online relationships are untenable in the long run. Meeting only one time in 6 years is nowhere near enough to sustain a connection.

 

I don't deny that you really care about this girl, and she cared about you too. But it's not realistic to keep this up anymore. Life happens around you while you are waiting for that call, that message, that point of contact from her. It is becoming clear that she is living her life offline; you need to start doing the same. An online relationship just isn't the same as having someone around you, to go on dates, cuddle with, be available to meet when you please.

 

It will be hard as you are used to having her as your companion, but this has run its course. If you can't manage to meet more than once in six years, and there is no tangible plan to close the distance very soon, there isn't a future here, OP.

[rickwman]

Sorry you are experiencing this. I don't know if it was her plan to attend the same college as you. Relationships, especially when one is in high school and the other in college can be a real challenge. Planning on living together, marriage, family is a tall order for most high school girls. Take time out and pray that God will free your mind up and give you a peaceful heart towards her and yourself. Give her space to consider the current relationship. Don't let your anger, frustration get the best of you. You control that. I'll pray that you discover the root of your issues and peace comes out of this discovery.