Ugliest fight of my life, with the one I loved!

[loveyougirrl]

I started meeting my ex after a month of our initially-mutual-breakup. She'd gone in radio silence during this time, which drove me crazy for the first 15 days(I tried getting her back through messages, emails, etc.), before I gave up.

 

During our first two meetings, she'd not given me clear answers as to what she did/why she didn't respond to me during the last one month. She also made it clear that she wanted to be single when she goes out and that she'd like to casually hang out with me. She said she cared for me and still loved me, but she won't get into a relationship, because I'd burned too many bridges by being mean during breakup and then persistent later.

 

Throughout our first two dates, she'd been vehemently making out (initiated by her). She was pointing towards was a FWB situation.

 

What was confusing me was, she also wanted to be my date at my holiday party. Why'd she be my date at the holiday party if we're not getting anywhere? Is she trying to get both pieces of the pie.

 

I initially said no to her, because I felt I couldn't casually hangout with her without an end product in mind. I also told her if there were no boundaries in our casual hangouts, I'd rather do that with women that I don't know, than her, who I had strong feelings for.

 

I was shocked by her vision of our relationship. The sweet girl, who'd care for me all day, had suddenly asked me to just be a FWB and was more interested in making out, going out than talking things out.

 

A day later I retracted. I thought, fine, let me see what she wants. After all, I'm only going to get laid frequently. I also agreed to her being my date at the holiday party.

 

She asked to meet again. She says "Call all your friends out. Let's get rowdy".

I am confused why'd she call my friends out, when we're not clear what our relationship is. I tell my friends not to come out or respond to her, before I can find out what's up between me and her.

 

We go to her favorite bar. She comes out wearing the most revealing dress I've ever seen her wear. I am like "Wow". We kiss on our way to the bar.

 

As soon as we get a table, she says "I have an idea. Let's get each other laid. I'll be your wingman and you be mine. Also, since we'll be kissing and making out at the bar, we'll instantaneously become more attractive to other people."

I just laughed and said "Okay."

She then started going around the bar with me, and started flirting with at least two guys(playing shovelboard there). Before she'd go talk to the guys, she'd deliberately lower her top(to expose more cleavage). She was also continuously making out with me.

I was laughing my way through all of this, but actually I was just shocked.

We end up hitting the bar table, where she starts talking to this 45 year old dude.

While she's talking, she turns around and again kisses me. The guy asks her "Ohh, you guys are together". She says "No, we're just friends". I say "No, we're engaged" and I still laugh it out.

She gets up and tells me she's going to go around the bar to find a guy. She again lowers her top. I am like "Okay. I'll be here."

She comes back in like a minute. I ask her "Ha, didn't you find a guy." She says "No, also I think you're getting a little uncomfortable with me doing this.".

I say "No, not even 0 percent." She says "Oh, is this because you've shut off your feelings for me?". I say "No, because I never had feelings for the person you currently are. I only had feelings for the person I was in the relationship with and you're totally different." I laughed it out. She :"Okay, your turn. Let me be your wingman and find you a woman." I tell her "No, I don't need a wingman. I'll go talk to a girl directly if I like her. Plus I have my standards and I don't find any woman in this bar attractive enough." She: "Yeah, I just talk to anyone.".

I lost it for a second. I held her top and move it up to conceal the cleavage she was showing. I told her "The girl I knew was an amazing woman. You don't need to do this. Hookups and everything are good, but at the end of the day you'll only regret. At least go find a real man, who'd take care of you, maybe someone your age. Or at least find the most attractive guy here and talk to him."

She says "For me you're the most attractive guy here and for you its me, I know it." I again laughed it off "Okay."

She "I also want to let you know that the first time I met you after a month, I saw tinder on your phone." Me: "How're this related?"

Right after this, she continued talking to the 45 year old, who now said pointing to me "I think you guys are going home together tonight." She said "No.".

After a while, the 45 year old again repeated "I'm sure you two are spending the night together." This time she says "I don't know" and hugs me.

She turns around and tells me "I'm going home. Calling Uber."

Me: "Let's go to my house."

She: "No, I've called Uber X, so you can come to mine."

 

I'm in the car and she lays her head down on my shoulder. It feels like the old times again. She's like "Baby, I am too drunk. Maybe I'll puke." Just hearing "Baby" from her felt good, irrespective of whatever had happened today.

 

We reach her house.

 

She lays down in the bed. I take my shoes off and when I'm going to lay down in the bed, she: "You need to leave."

Me: "What? I'll just lay on the side."

She: "No, you need to leave right now."

 

I got up and on my way out, I said something I now regret saying, because I didn't mean it. I'd lost my patience.

I told her "I want to tell you something. I was never going to take you to my holiday party." all with a smirk on my face.

 

She becomes wide eyed: "Get out of my house."

Me: "I am going out!"

She: "Get out of my house or I'll call the police."

Me: "Wow!!"

 

I just left in a hurry, if I already wasn't. Where did the police word come from? I was already leaving.

 

I messaged her ten messages on my way out. All mean but also what I was feeling in the moment. And blocked her from every piece of communication I could.

 

This is the worst experience of my life. But it's also helped me overcome whatever feelings I had for her. The girl that I fell for, the one during our relationship was a myth and unfortunately I still have feelings for her.

 

What was she trying to achieve with all the drama that night? Is this all normal?

Edited December 8, 2017 by loveyougirrl

[Zahara]

Both of you fueled drama. I am not sure why you went along with all of that craziness, knowing you were still emotional about her. All of it was very immature and a ploy to provoke one another. Don't play games -- block her and try to move on.

[Captivating]

She is a narcissist and wanted to make you jealous ... she wanted to feel significant because she has low self esteem.

Good for you on blocking her, she is a waste of time.

Please move on and never look back, it's on her not you.

She might try to crawl back or get a reaction out of you, making her feel good.... don't let this happen.

NO CONTACT

Edited December 9, 2017 by Captivating

[LivingWaterPlease]

Her behavior seems like that of a an immature insecure narcissist to me. I couldn't spend an evening with someone who behaved this crazy! You dodged a bullet, keep going.

[loveyougirrl]

I know it's not cool for me to still be thinking about this, but do you think she'd have any remorse?

 

She also has anxiety and depression, which makes me feel maybe a plausible explanation to her behavior.

[alterest]

I know it's not cool for me to still be thinking about this, but do you think she'd have any remorse?

 

She also has anxiety and depression, which makes me feel maybe a plausible explanation to her behavior.

 

Perhaps... The only person who knows that is her. And you knowing that will not change your current situation and you and her will still be splitted.

My ex is bipolar (perhaps borderline) and in a depressive episode. She changes from a loved person to a pessimist person and broke up with me out of nowhere. I tried to figure out what happened and you know what? Every assumption that I made changed nothing my situation. Don't care if she is depressed, don't care if she is bipolar, don't care if she is borderline... She ended up thing with me, wants no contact at all with me and now think that I'm abusive person cause I went to her house to return her stuffs after a months (she asked me and we had a fight ending up with her telling me that she will go to my home to take her stuff back and ignoring me after that and I'm saying that I'll return her stuff in that same day so she have no more stressful thing to deal because of it and because of our fight... She didn't saw my message, I went there, sent another mesage telling her I was there, she pick her stuff and I asked sorry for being a stress for her at that day and she cut me off and called me abusive for went there to return her things.)

So, come on, it doesn't matter why she broke up, her reason and nothing else, cause it changes nothing your current situation and your only move is forget her and move on.

[loveyougirrl]

It's just that I have free time on this Sunday and I'm thinking a bit more about my last week than I should.

 

I loved her and she loved me back and I was thinking of my life with her, when we broke up in the middle of a fight. Things have only headed south since.

 

I am talking to a few girls, who seem interesting and am going ahead with dates this week. I hope they're a success.

 

In my heart, I still have a place for this girl, if she can one day explain and apologize, since what we had was beautiful.

[alterest]

It's just that I have free time on this Sunday and I'm thinking a bit more about my last week than I should.

 

I loved her and she loved me back and I was thinking of my life with her, when we broke up in the middle of a fight. Things have only headed south since.

 

I am talking to a few girls, who seem interesting and am going ahead with dates this week. I hope they're a success.

 

In my heart, I still have a place for this girl, if she can one day explain and apologize, since what we had was beautiful.

 

 

I know how hard it is. And doing nothing make us overthink about it. I'm still do that and, man, it pretty hard. I also feel like I have to talk to her, but I stop myself and think what good doing that will bring to me and I send nothing. When you start to overthinking, try to do something different, watch a comedy movie or serie, play some game... I don't know, just don't put yourself in situation that allow you overthinking.

I really hope that that dates will help you in your healing process as I hope my dates do the same.

With time, that place that this girl are will shrink and another place will raise for another woman... But you only can focus on yourself and give you time until you feel prepare to move on.

I know that the memories of relationship remains, but remember what she did to you at that night and how she overreacted. I have the same feeling about my relationship, but hurts me a lot remember how my ex treated me, the reasons for breakup, how she deals and acted after breakup and, at last, how she deal with our last discussion and her last words calling me something that I am not. The good memories still here and there, but they were another girls at that time and they want different things, and you and me aren't included in their plans, at least not now. We both may be included in future? Yes. Do you want wait to discover if she back? I don't.

[grays]

I think she was desperately trying to get you back or to get you to do *something*, maybe anything. I dont think its about being a narcissist, as you say she's not normally like this.

 

I would not/have not behaved like you describe, but sometimes when I have a history with a guy and have strong feelings for him and feel like hes not hearing me I'll kinda blow stuff up. The way I do that is to get brutally honest and blunt, usually about my own feelings, I will kinda get in his face. I think she was doing the same thing, different method. She was basically just flailing around trying to get you to react.

 

The way she went about things was obnoxious and passive aggressive, but She was doing it because she's feeling hurt and wanting you to show that you want her. She didn't want to go home with someone else, she just wanted youbto say you didn't want her to.

[loveyougirrl]

She's been checking on her messenger(where I'm her only friend) three-four times a day. I have her blocked there.

 

I'm just feeling bad that things had to turn this way.

 

She's going abroad next week for a month. I'm thinking I'll unblock her once she's back. Right now is too early for me to do anything?

 

Also, the fact I have dates lined up this week and any slight interaction will again spoil my mood, so I'm trying to avoid any interaction.

[alterest]

She's been checking on her messenger(where I'm her only friend) three-four times a day. I have her blocked there.

 

I'm just feeling bad that things had to turn this way.

 

She's going abroad next week for a month. I'm thinking I'll unblock her once she's back. Right now is too early for me to do anything?

 

Also, the fact I have dates lined up this week and any slight interaction will again spoil my mood, so I'm trying to avoid any interaction.

 

Don't think in be proactive in some kind of reconcile. Can she reach you by other way if she wants? If she can, no need to unblock her. If she can't and you still want something with her, so unblock her but don't check there so often. As she does, you also check there too often by knowng that she check there 3-4 times a day.

You feeling bad cause you love her, but it changes nothing and if she doesn't give you some more concrete that she want you back, you can do nothing...

[loveyougirrl]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

I am not going to contact her. I also know her well enough to know she'll not contact me either come whatsoever, since she is always fearful of conflict.

 

She acted out of her character in our last meet, in what I now see as an effort to clearly let me know that:

1) she's over me

2) there's no hope of us getting back

 

We'll, barring a miracle, never talk again. I still have feelings for the person she was before breakup(which happened in the heat of the moment a month and a half back).

 

I don't feel devastated as I was a month ago and I'll put this down to destiny.

[loveyougirrl]

I did go out on a date and am going out on a second date with the girl. I felt really good about it.

 

The problem is that suddenly someone mentions my ex in my group and it destroys my day. I wake up next day in disbelief over how things have turned out and then wanting to reconcile for the rest of the day.

 

And I can't contact her because then I get into the loop of expectations and sleepless nights over her not replying or whatsoever.