needed, how to get her back - is this just a quick rebound

[jake0457]

Hello My girlfriend and i have been dating for 4 years, she is 22 and i am 28. we have been in a great relationship but i had trouble committing to being with her and i didnt commit when i should have (not purposing, just being there all the time and an official BF) i was worried about appearances, family (i dont know why), and i was working on my career.

 

She told me at the end of October that she needed space and i knew she needed it and since we had been arguing a little about me not fully committing but we always got through it and things always settled down very quick. we honestly never had any big blow out arguments.

 

We spoke a few weeks later (early to mid Nov) and she tells me she still loves me and is still in love with me and just wants to be single for a bit to get herself back. as this time has been going on i realized how i messed up and i want to commit to her and be official and etc. she then tells me a couple weeks later (day before thanksgiving) she is talking to someone and she likes him. we had only been on a break for 3-4 weeks!..

 

i then find out from one of our mutual friends that she is calling this guy her boyfriend, and our friend also tells me this "guy" is 18 just graduated from high school, and our mutual friend tells me that they dont really like him and neither do her other close friends. saying he is kind of Blah. but is just nice. i mean this kid looks like a grown man lol. im 6'1 195lbs very athletic great shape, great job, funny very outgoing, lots of hobbies etc. this kid is 6'4 210 athletic, and that pretty much all hes got lol. no real job, freshman in college.

 

she has always been very mature for her age, has her own house, works hard, good career etc, now shes with this guy.. but she can also in some cases be immature and this might be showing, just diving in.

 

her and i still talk every once in a while and she still says she is in love with me and that she tells me things with this guy arent that serious and was mad that her friend said that they were boyfriend and girlfriend because she said that if she found out that i was that serious with someone she would be mad too. and she says that she still wants to give me a chance but doesnt know when that will be.

 

questions:

How serious is this really with this guy (kid)?

is this just a rebound?

what can i do to get her back completely? and make her miss and reach out to me again?-she hasnt been the first to reach out to me since this all happened but even when we were together i always initiated convo since i was always so busy with work and travel for my job so i think she is almost accustomed to not being the first to initiate calls or texts to me. i am fully prepared to commit to her and i realized that before i even found out about this guy.

[browzer]

Rather than going on about how to "win her back" because it's what YOU want, be a better person than you apparently have been and allow things to go the way SHE wants. Go live your life, if she wants back in she knows where to find you. If you don't hear from her, the message is clear. Leave her alone.

[Frostedflake]

You seem more focused on some competition than your ex's happiness.

 

"This guy, this guy, this guy", well that guy- he's your ex's boyfriend. Whether you like him, your friends like him, or her friends like him- doesn't matter. And 100% the fact that you're asking around for details or talking bad about him is going to get back to her.

 

Tear apart his looks and character all you want but she's with him and not you right now for a reason.

So rather than do this playground bully routine think about what you can do to grow and be a better you. This competition thing is juvenile. There's never really any competition, people will choose who THEY want to be with and who makes them happy.

[HumanMachine]

He’s 6’4? You’ve got no chance.

[jake0457]

You seem more focused on some competition than your ex's happiness.

 

"This guy, this guy, this guy", well that guy- he's your ex's boyfriend. Whether you like him, your friends like him, or her friends like him- doesn't matter. And 100% the fact that you're asking around for details or talking bad about him is going to get back to her.

 

Tear apart his looks and character all you want but she's with him and not you right now for a reason.

So rather than do this playground bully routine think about what you can do to grow and be a better you. This competition thing is juvenile. There's never really any competition, people will choose who THEY want to be with and who makes them happy.

 

I guess you miss the point of what i was asking, i was looking for simple answers, and i wasnt tearing him down on looks or anything. i was asking for advice.

[HumanMachine]

I guess you miss the point of what i was asking, i was looking for simple answers, and i wasnt tearing him down on looks or anything. i was asking for advice.

 

How is anyone apart from your ex going to know how serious she is with her new boyfriend?

 

Just move on man what’s the point in hanging around for a female that has no interest in you any more..

[jake0457]

i guess what i was asking was completely missed by all.

 

I am not tearing him down, and its not about the competition. my questions were reasonable and straightforward.

 

I knew i was ready to commit before she was even talking to anyone else, i wanted her back before i found out she was talking to someone.

 

yes its obvious she is with him not me lol

 

my questions still stand and this is the advice i am looking for.

 

does this just seem like a rebound?

 

likely hood on peoples experience on how long it will last? with the other fact he is 18 and her friends dont seem to like him. that was the purpose of me giving that info.

 

how can i win her back? looking for steps to take and get her back

 

she says she still wants to be my friend and wants to still hang out with me, as friends. she says that when shes with him its not the same and doesnt feel as good. she says she still wants to give me a chance but doesnt know when that is.

[jake0457]

How is anyone apart from your ex going to know how serious she is with her new boyfriend?

 

Just move on man what’s the point in hanging around for a female that has no interest in you any more..

 

I guess thats what i thought was the point of this forum. wasnt just looking for the auto shutdowns i was asking based on other experiences and maybe some steps to win her back

[HumanMachine]

I guess thats what i thought was the point of this forum. wasnt just looking for the auto shutdowns i was asking based on other experiences and maybe some steps to win her back

 

Trying to win a girl back is beta and you should never try to do it. Your best bet is improving yourself, make her want you, make her try to win you back, don’t chase a female it’s not attractive.. gym, healthy eating, self improvement, career progression are all things you should be focusing on to become a better person.

 

Never chase a woman, especially a woman who has picked another guy over you..

[PegNosePete]

i guess what i was asking was completely missed by all.

No, it's just that the question you ask is extremely common on here. There's more "how do I get my ex back" threads on here than you've had hot dinners! And the answer, every time, is "you can't".

 

As explained, she is a free woman. If she wants to come back to you then she has your contact details. If she doesn't, then there isn't any magic trick you can do, any stunt you can pull, or any advice that anyone can give you, that will make her change her mind. It is her decision, and her decision alone.

 

There are however, things you can do which will make it LESS likely that she will come back to you. Begging, pleading, acting weak and like a puppy dog and allowing her to disrespect you, are top of that list. Being "friends", hanging out, allowing her to have all the power. These things make you weak which is not attractive. She says she wants to give you a chance but doesn't know when... tell her she has your number, she can call you when that time comes, but don't expect you to be waiting by the phone. In the meantime you will not be her "friend", you will not "hang out" with her. The best thing you can do, in order to not reduce your chances here, is to keep well away from her and let her live her life.

[jake0457]

thank you - that is what i was looking for - i dont need a step by step on to get her back. more of things that will increase the likely hood of her coming back and not decrease my chances which you both answered.

 

in your opinions since she just jumped into it with his guy so quickly do you think its just a rebound?

 

and about his age i am not trying to shoot him down or anything i just in reality dont think it could really end up being that serious long term. thoughts?

[HumanMachine]

thank you - that is what i was looking for - i dont need a step by step on to get her back. more of things that will increase the likely hood of her coming back and not decrease my chances which you both answered.

 

in your opinions since she just jumped into it with his guy so quickly do you think its just a rebound?

 

and about his age i am not trying to shoot him down or anything i just in reality dont think it could really end up being that serious long term. thoughts?

 

Jake come on, you’re 28 years old worrying about a silly immature 22 year old. Your two questions should have no relevance to you, they could last until they’re both old or they could break up tomorrow, who knows? Who cares? You CERTAINLY shouldn’t..

[PegNosePete]

in your opinions since she just jumped into it with his guy so quickly do you think its just a rebound?

Yes. What does that change for you? It doesn't change a thing. It's an irrelevant question.

 

and about his age i am not trying to shoot him down or anything i just in reality dont think it could really end up being that serious long term. thoughts?

My first thought is that when you started dating, you were 24 and she was 18. It's pretty strange that you're getting so funny about her being 22 and dating someone 18. They are closer in age than you were when you started dating.

[jake0457]

Yes. What does that change for you? It doesn't change a thing. It's an irrelevant question.

 

 

My first thought is that when you started dating, you were 24 and she was 18. It's pretty strange that you're getting so funny about her being 22 and dating someone 18. They are closer in age than you were when you started dating.

 

it doesnt change anything just needed to hear if from an outside party and touche

[Purepony]

i guess what i was asking was completely missed by all.

 

I am not tearing him down, and its not about the competition. my questions were reasonable and straightforward.

 

I knew i was ready to commit before she was even talking to anyone else, i wanted her back before i found out she was talking to someone.

 

yes its obvious she is with him not me lol

 

my questions still stand and this is the advice i am looking for.

 

does this just seem like a rebound?

 

likely hood on peoples experience on how long it will last? with the other fact he is 18 and her friends dont seem to like him. that was the purpose of me giving that info.

 

how can i win her back? looking for steps to take and get her back

 

she says she still wants to be my friend and wants to still hang out with me, as friends. she says that when shes with him its not the same and doesnt feel as good. she says she still wants to give me a chance but doesnt know when that is.

 

 

 

You will not know if it’s a rebound there’s really no set way to tell I’ve known people who have broke up with someone and two months later run into someone and get married six months later anything and everything is possible

 

Second for now consider this dead and gone let her move on with her life and you move on with yours otherwise it’s going to penetrate your mind and before you know it you will be clingy insecure and depressed

 

Do not be friends with her ghost her immediately block her on everything if she gets a hold of you explain to her that you and her cannot be friends for the time being have a respect her own decision, she said she needed space right ?

[Dmoney28]

Oh wow, I have t been on this site in almost 9 years. I read your post and though I share some experience from Breakup past. You most likely wont listen and won't understand this until years later. You have to leave her alone. You are disrespecting yourself by chasing someone who is seeing someone else. You are better than that. Take some time to and get through your emotions. Don't expect her to come back.