AestheticLifestyle Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 (edited) So my ex and I were pretty much together for a couple months ....we had a connection so strong it caught me 100% off guard. I hadn't felt like this about anyone before and it was obvious that she was feeling the same. We shared so many interests and everything just felt incredible. We did everything together and everyone pretty much knew us as the "goals" couple that so many people wanted to be like that. I honestly believe I was the perfect guy and went out of my way to do so..On top of that it basically felt like we lived together.. we were with each other everyday and almost always stayed over at each other's place. Being in college, it seemed like it was all a little too much, too fast but it felt right. Anyways, she was always very closed off about her feelings and talking about feelings would lead to her being a little off for a couple days. When she felt like telling me how she felt, it would be completely random and when I wasn't expecting it. A week before ending it she told me she was basically falling in love with me (she had told me before that she was afraid of getting screwed over and this ultimately led to her being afraid of commitment). The following weekend we got into a stupid drunk argument in which I told her it seemed obvious that she didn't actually care about me. The next day she said she felt iffy about everything (my stupid self thought she felt iffy because it seemed like I might leave her or something and so I decided to make it official official that night). Everyone thought we were dating and it honestly felt like we were and we even implied that we were dating multiple times, we were just holding off on making it official until that perfect moment to do so. I took my chance that night and within a couple days she ended it, citing the fact that she didn't feel the same anymore and that I needed to move on and that was that. She did it so heartlessly and it was almost like everything that we experienced and felt and all that meant absolutely nothing. I reached out to her like a week later and she told me the same thing and to move on. I then saw her at a party a couple weeks later and we made eye contact and she just grabbed all her friends and they left. I was doing great until the party and ever since everything has just confused me. For whatever reason I fell harder than I ever have and I haven't been able to figure out why it ended so suddenly. I always wonder if she misses me in any way and I've thought about reaching out again and letting that answer be the final answer and then moving on afterwards... just haven't ever been this confused over a girl before. Edited November 12, 2017 by AestheticLifestyle Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Why is this a common story? Moved too fast. Are you sure there wasn't anyone else in the picture? An ex or something? Real love and maturity: she would have stayed with you. Maybe she was not that mature, or there was an ex there, or pa new prospect. Do not under-estimate the possibility that she was playing the field. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AestheticLifestyle Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 Why is this a common story? Moved too fast. Are you sure there wasn't anyone else in the picture? An ex or something? Real love and maturity: she would have stayed with you. Maybe she was not that mature, or there was an ex there, or pa new prospect. Do not under-estimate the possibility that she was playing the field. Just saying. I've always questioned that too but since we spent so much time together it made it hard for me to believe that there was someone else in the picture the whole time. Now right when we broke up... I don't know, there may have been someone else but it just seemed like everything was so perfect between us and that that was the last thing that could possibly happen. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 So my ex and I were pretty much together for a couple months ....we had a connection so strong it caught me 100% off guard. I hadn't felt like this about anyone before and it was obvious that she was feeling the same. No, it wasn't Anyways, she was always very closed off about her feelings and talking about feelings would lead to her being a little off for a couple days. YOU were in "love" and got carried away, and you projected YOUR feelings onto her. YOU were having a great time, felt a wonderful connection and you tried to take her along with you on the love trip. I guess she felt a bit pressured to say the L word, did it, then probably regretted it and decided she wasn't actually feeling much and ended it instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AestheticLifestyle Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 No, it wasn't YOU were in "love" and got carried away, and you projected YOUR feelings onto her. YOU were having a great time, felt a wonderful connection and you tried to take her along with you on the love trip. I guess she felt a bit pressured to say the L word, did it, then probably regretted it and decided she wasn't actually feeling much and ended it instead. It was only obvious that she felt the same because she was always lovey-dovey and making comments about us practically living together, and all these future dates and trips we'd go on and just always wanting to be around me. I definitely did feel like I was in love and got carried away. However, I never did drop the L word so it definitely caught me by surprise when she mentioned that she was falling in love with me. It was just all odd to me, especially how it ended so quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
TheOnlyOne73 Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 (edited) Your situation sounds incredibly similar to my situation 3 years ago. My ex told me he loved me 3 weeks after dating me and everything was so surreal and wonderful, we were madly in love. He also gave me the same speech your ex gave you, a month after we got together he said that he wasn't sure, was afraid of commitment, that I deserved better than him, he didn't feel good enough for me etc. Fast-forward to 3 years later and he has ditched me twice then come back again. Beware of commitment-phobes, especially ones who move very fast in the beginning and grow too attached too soon. They will never be sure of who/what they want. They will have no trouble in running from you (due to their emotional unavailability) and breaking your heart over and over again, since they are selfish and don't form normal healthy bonds and relationships with people. They aren't emotionally mature enough to offer a stable and secure relationship. Commitment-phobes also typically avoid talking about emotions/feelings out of fear and guilt that what they are feeling isn't enough or what the other person wants to hear. They may also be afraid of what they are feeling for fear that they may end up getting hurt. They are very closed-off and avoid all emotional discussions, that includes those involving conflict because they just don't know how to handle it. This girl is likely to never be "sure" about you, and even if she convinces herself that she is after time apart, she is still entirely capable of changing her mind when the going gets tough and running for the hills, for the sake of saving face and to protect herself from getting hurt. It is unlikely that she misses you in the way in which you would hope or to the extent that you miss her, because her primary focus is on her and her own needs, and she has no mental space to accommodate another person's needs seriously or long-term. My advice is to emotionally detach from this relationship as soon as you can, and to not ignore the red flags as very valid reasons to not go back. If I had the opportunity to go back and do things differently, I would have left a lot earlier. Edited November 12, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73 Link to post Share on other sites
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