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Ex throws one from left field


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 10th November 2017, 1:28 PM   #1
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Ex throws one from left field

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me in July. In the preceding months, both she and I were having issues at work and we took it out on our relationship. We kept getting into fights and after one particularly large one, she checked out of our relationship and decided to "take a break". She then met a guy and when she started comparing me to him, it drove me crazy and we started having even bigger bouts. She has said a lot of hurtful things to me (in no small part thanks to that new mofo in her life who was trying to get with her) but I was hopeful that we would work things out. She kept saying that she didn't want to get back and that I should move on but I waited until last week till I had had enough. I told her that this wasn't working and that I wouldn't contact her anymore. She wanted me to still be in her life as a friend but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle her seeing other people so I told her that a friendship wasn't possible and that I wouldn't contact her.

Now after finally deciding to move on, she tells me a few days later that she wants to try and sort our issues out but only after a couple of months. Apparently, she's too busy with work and studies right now to think about our relationship. I'm not keen on being in limbo but at the same time I don't mind working things out given the following conditions:

1) She cuts contact with the other person
2) She starts respecting me by not labeling me nasty things
3) She stops walking away from every single disagreement
4) She forgives me or at least forgets the mistakes I've made in the past (I've apologized a thousand times for them and I've made lots of progress)

What are your thoughts on my expectations? Am I asking for too much? Should I ask for more? Points 2-4 were my issues with her prior to our breakup and I wanted to address them. She wants time and space and I'm fine with giving her that. I don't mind seeing her whenever and helping her with her studies. I just don't want to waste my time with the hope that one day she'll decide to give our relationship a chance, I've already wasted enough.
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Old 10th November 2017, 1:33 PM   #2
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My thoughts?

This is a drama-filled toxic relationship, and you would be much happier removing her from your life.
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:06 PM   #3
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She's stringing you along, keeping you as a backup until she feels secure in a new relationship, then you're dump city. Don't fall for this ruse.
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:09 PM   #4
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She's stringing you along, keeping you as a backup until she feels secure in a new relationship, then you're dump city. Don't fall for this ruse.
Exactly this. Ive been there.
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:13 PM   #5
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5 months, problems at work and they end up being problems at home...She calls it to end (break) and poof! She gets a new man. Wow, she must be good looking. Now this "mofo" is trying to bang her (if they haven't already) and she is comparing you to him....

Are you starting to see the crazy train here?

She wanted you as plan B (ie. friends) but you walked and she is now running back to "hey, we can work this out..."

News flash, this is a circular pattern for this female, I bet when she gets married it will be the same. DON'T BE THAT GUY!

Move on, and move up. You will finish school and start banking money and living well. You can look back and laugh all you want. Learn from this and apply hard earned lessons into your life and not make the same pitfalls.
Best of luck.
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Old 10th November 2017, 3:28 PM   #6
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News flash. She had that man lined up. BEFORE she left you.
And why is she telling another man your business?
She didn't expect you to cut contact and KEEP no contact. But you did.
She was planning on stringing you along as she was testing out this new man. You wisely didn't comply with her plans.
You want to leave no doubts about her true intentions?? Ask her why the sudden change in heart. Then watch as she pauses trying to figure out the proper answer.
You did right. I could see if you two broke up and their was nobody else.
But it happens to be their was. And you will never trust her again.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:09 PM   #7
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Thanks for all the replies.

@1fish2fish: Drama filled? Yeah more or less. Toxic only after the breakup.

@Highndry, HumanMachine and BarbedFenceRider: Shes definitely trying to string me along.

@Been: Trust has severely been impacted since this other guy has come into the picture. Even if she were to agree to my conditions Im not sure if complete trust would return.
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Old 11th November 2017, 8:30 AM   #8
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Update

Hi Guys. So I told her about my conditions for getting back. She refused them all. I wished her all the best.
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Old 11th November 2017, 9:23 AM   #9
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You knew the answer before you told her. She dumped you for him and you're willing to take her back?

It would be on her terms not yours.

Get some self respect. Block her on everything and move on like she did.
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Old 11th November 2017, 9:28 AM   #10
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@Marc878 That guy is still working on getting her but I get your point. I don't trust her anyways. Time to start moving on!
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Old 11th November 2017, 10:12 AM   #11
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The best thing you can do now is NC....this will help you heal and please do the "real" NC. Block her, don't check any social media etc.....if you have common friends, tell them that you don't want to know and to please do not update you.
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Old 11th November 2017, 10:16 AM   #12
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Oh I have no intentions of contacting her. We don't have many common friends and I hardly use facebook so it won't be hard to keep NC. Thanks for the response.
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Old 11th November 2017, 4:19 PM   #13
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Hi Guys. So I told her about my conditions for getting back. She refused them all. I wished her all the best.
Gee what a surprise. This woman is not worth your time anymore and is clearly trying to play you. Hold on to your self respect and walk away, theres not much else you can do at this point.
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Old 11th November 2017, 4:25 PM   #14
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You knew the answer before you told her. She dumped you for him and you're willing to take her back?

It would be on her terms not yours.

Get some self respect. Block her on everything and move on like she did.
Exactly. This whole thing is mind-blowing.
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Old 11th November 2017, 6:31 PM   #15
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Block everything. Any contact just throws you back
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