Still can't let go . . .

[TMACalling]

It's been nearly 6 month since the break-up and I STILL can't move on. It was not us, but external issues that led to the break up. One of the last things he said to me was that he loved me.

 

I have one friend who stills sees him. He's had a lot of really difficult stuff happen in his life since we split. He is not dating. Neither am I.

 

We're in our mid-50s and have been friends off and on since high school. We fell in love helping each other through difficult times - it was not something either one of us was looking for.

 

I can't let go and move on. Last week a friend tried to get me to sign up on Match.com but I felt physically sick while trying to go through the process. Part of the problem is I understand logically what happened, but I don't understand it in my heart. And saying I love you to each other as we walked away means there is no closure. I still think he's going to wake up one morning and call me.

 

I feel his energy and presence so much! A friend who does Reiki says it because we are still connected and he is thinking of me. One friend says she's certain this is not over. Another says I'm fooling myself.

 

I am not sitting around doing nothing! I am working 50-60 hour weeks getting a young business through a big growth spurt. I exercise regularly. Spend times with friends and family. But I still reach for my phone to tell him about something wonderful or commiserate over something bad. (I removed him from my contacts a few days after the split so I wouldn't be tempted to text/call him.)

 

So is this over? Is there any hope? Is he afraid to contact me because he thinks too much time has passed? Or because he feels bad about it or thinks I hate him? Has enough time passed for me to contact him? Or am I just kidding myself?

[Unearthed]

If you break No Contact your going to be putting yourself in a lot of pain if things don't work out. I thought I felt the same way about my ex especially the part of "she must be thinking of me" it turns out she was but not in the way I wanted. Even though it helped me move on and gave me clarity, I feel like I traded the nagging "what if" for a tremendous amount of pain and shame. I wish you the best in these upcoming days and truly hope it works out for you.