Has social media ruined relationships?

[Inlovenotinlove]

I was discussing my recent break up with a friend today and realised that every argument we had was in some way related to either mobile phones or social media. Then we got to talking and when he asked me 'how many of our mates are happy and settled?' I couldn't answer 1.

 

It just seems strange that nowadays unlike the old days when people just made it work, it doesn't seem to be as important to fight for it as it's easier to just go again with someone else. It also seems people enjoy the loved up stage as its all over social media and again, once that dies down and you get a more meaningful relationship thats when jelousy kicks in that couple X are loved up on facebook and seem happier. Has social media and all these lovey phrases, memes and social 'likes' just made people blind to real life? I might be wrong and just negative as my break up is raw but it does just feel like people add a filter to a picture and suddenly everyone is jelous of how amazing their life looks, question their own and... doomed when in reality it is just a filter that's made it look so good.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is we are all here wondering why we've not got the perfect relationship and why it's not happening for us but we actually might of already had and lost it. I'm in my 30s and so are most my big circle of friends, yet I'd say 70% are single and the other 30% are either recent break ups or going through a bad patch.

 

I'm seriously considering when I next find someone to remove myself from social media as me and my ex (before this recent one) both came off Facebook as hated that we spent our days scrolling and all I can say is... we both agreed the 6 months together when we wasn't on it was the best 6 months we'd ever had together in the 3 years we'd been together.

Edited October 15, 2017 by Inlovenotinlove

[daz3dandconfus3d]

I completely agree with all of this, I feel it offers people too much instant gratification and when that's on offer why would you work at a bad relationship. Id love to be able to get rid of my social media pages but unfortunately, it is also a platform in which I have to work from

[Inlovenotinlove]

I think for me personally it would be nice for me to just remove myself when I next find someone. I wouldn't ask her to do it but id explain why I'm not bothering. Every slight problem is shown online, some people now even post when they've had an argument online for the entire world to see. For example i haven't posted nothing about my recent break up. My ex however has posted about being positive so everyone is now aware she's single. So now she's receiving post after post from guys etc saying 'im here for you'. It's just a complete relationship destroying tool.

 

You're also right that when you're out and your phone is going off you can guarantee either the woman or man will ask ' Why is you phone always going off' it could be something harmless and the question is also harmless but... It's caused friction between you both. Or the classic 'why did you read my WhatsApp msg and not reply?' It can be something as harmless as you read it but was driving or at the gym, you smiled to yourself about how happy u are and thought 'I'll reply once I've pulled over or once I've dried my hair' the next moment... It's another argument because the tick on WhatsApp went blue and you didn't reply. It's all just too much to handle for everyone by the looks of it.

 

Everyone has some anxiety at some point and for me it stems from social media. Selfies, phones, Snapchat giving away your location, a random girl likes your post and world war 3, fear it'll only get worse the more these apps and social media run our lives

[Inlovenotinlove]

I completely agree with all of this, I feel it offers people too much instant gratification and when that's on offer why would you work at a bad relationship. Id love to be able to get rid of my social media pages but unfortunately, it is also a platform in which I have to work from

 

The gratification is becoming the worst part. A lot of woman especially will now look to post a selfie online for 100 guys to like before she dare accept that she looks good enough to go out dressed like that. Gone are the days where she seeks gratification off her partner and be confident that so long as he likes it that's enough gratification

[daz3dandconfus3d]

I think for me personally it would be nice for me to just remove myself when I next find someone. I wouldn't ask her to do it but id explain why I'm not bothering. Every slight problem is shown online, some people now even post when they've had an argument online for the entire world to see. For example i haven't posted nothing about my recent break up. My ex however has posted about being positive so everyone is now aware she's single. So now she's receiving post after post from guys etc saying 'im here for you'. It's just a complete relationship destroying tool.

 

You're also right that when you're out and your phone is going off you can guarantee either the woman or man will ask ' Why is you phone always going off' it could be something harmless and the question is also harmless but... It's caused friction between you both. Or the classic 'why did you read my WhatsApp msg and not reply?' It can be something as harmless as you read it but was driving or at the gym, you smiled to yourself about how happy u are and thought 'I'll reply once I've pulled over or once I've dried my hair' the next moment... It's another argument because the tick on WhatsApp went blue and you didn't reply. It's all just too much to handle for everyone by the looks of it.

 

Everyone has some anxiety at some point and for me it stems from social media. Selfies, phones, Snapchat giving away your location, a random girl likes your post and world war 3, fear it'll only get worse the more these apps and social media run our lives

 

All of those things eventually destroyed my last relationship it created far too much friction! unfortunately though im guilty of the doing well posts but i see that as a way to remind myself when im feeling down about my situation. however im not doing it in a wahh im single now but look at me way if that makes sense

[A_New_Earth]

I agree with this and have recently been discussing this with a few friends. It's a 'whole new world'.

 

A major issue with social media is that it plays into our insecurities. "why is she liking his pictures?" "She said she was going to bed and she's been online for two hours!" The list is endless.

 

The truth is, prior to social media, people told undetectable 'white lies'. "I'm busy for the next few hours..." Nothing 'wrong' per se in doing that, we all need our space and we don't want to offend others. But throw social media into the mix, and you have yourself a problem.

 

Then there is the 'idealised' fantasy life it portrays. Classic example: Last week I was out with six friends on a Stag/Hen party. The photographs were uploaded on social media the following day (Sunday) and received hundreds of likes and 'wow, looks like a great night' comments. It really did look awesome.

 

What those pictures didn't show (and what only a select 'handful' of people will ever know) is that the soon-to-be groom slept with a prostitute at 2am. Someone 'tipped off' his fiancee (who was in town on her Hen party) and she headed to the car he was in. She caught him 'mid-act'. He said it was a 'dare'. A massive fight ensued and four people were arrested. The groom spent the night in a police cell and his soon-to-be wife threw her diamond engagement ring down a drain!

 

Even as I looked over the photographs the next day (and I was present in the madness) I thought it all looked pretty fun. The groom updated his Facebook cover photo to him kissing his fiancee and she pressed the 'love' symbol and commented: "My hero, my world..." Hahahahaha.

 

Not only is this fake on so many levels, it also gives us all idealised images of other people's lives and we compare them to our own. When a single friend of mine said to me: "They're so lucky. They have it all. I wish I would find someone..." I responded with a wink saying: "You're fine on your own and you're probably 'happier' than they are..."

 

If you can view it for the bulls**t it is, then social media can be fun and put you in touch with people all over the world. I've made 'friends' in all the continents due to Facebook. Some of them have invited me to stay over etc. But I haven't done so yet because I'm well aware that once I meet them, they might be vile in 'real life'. Haha.

 

As for relationships...if you take it 'too seriously'...it's doomed to fail from the start. And when it comes to the 'break up' part...my God...delete, block and leave it alone is the only way to not lose your freekin' mind.

 

Peace.

 

 

I was discussing my recent break up with a friend today and realised that every argument we had was in some way related to either mobile phones or social media. Then we got to talking and when he asked me 'how many of our mates are happy and settled?' I couldn't answer 1.

 

It just seems strange that nowadays unlike the old days when people just made it work, it doesn't seem to be as important to fight for it as it's easier to just go again with someone else. It also seems people enjoy the loved up stage as its all over social media and again, once that dies down and you get a more meaningful relationship thats when jelousy kicks in that couple X are loved up on facebook and seem happier. Has social media and all these lovey phrases, memes and social 'likes' just made people blind to real life? I might be wrong and just negative as my break up is raw but it does just feel like people add a filter to a picture and suddenly everyone is jelous of how amazing their life looks, question their own and... doomed when in reality it is just a filter that's made it look so good.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is we are all here wondering why we've not got the perfect relationship and why it's not happening for us but we actually might of already had and lost it. I'm in my 30s and so are most my big circle of friends, yet I'd say 70% are single and the other 30% are either recent break ups or going through a bad patch.

 

I'm seriously considering when I next find someone to remove myself from social media as me and my ex (before this recent one) both came off Facebook as hated that we spent our days scrolling and all I can say is... we both agreed the 6 months together when we wasn't on it was the best 6 months we'd ever had together in the 3 years we'd been together.

[A_New_Earth]

I think cell phones and social media both have destroyed many relationships, and the ones they have not outright destroyed, they have at least harmed. I remember when dates would be spent looking at one another, talking, enjoying their company....Now, how long does it take before your date/GF/whatever, starts scrolling through Facebook? Texting a friend? How many times do you have to repeat something you said because they were staring at their phones?

 

At 38, I am living both worlds, pre and post social media. All of the women my age and younger are hopelessly addicted to their phone, my own GF included. I remember vividly how adult relationships were before all of this. While I also enjoy having the convenience of a smart phone and social media, I would give it up in a heartbeat when it comes to relationships. Good luck finding a woman that will give it up also!

 

I'm your age too Enigma... It was a less stressful time. Arguments couldn't 'continue' unless you were willing to go to their house. And that would be bordering harassment. Yet people now think nothing of sending dozens of texts/messages. It's the equivalent to shouting in someone's ear.

 

Let's roll it back to the 90s and stop them producing the Nokia 3210. Haha.

[Inlovenotinlove]

It's made even worse now with filters and will only get worse.

 

I think if you asked a woman honestly would she prefer her boyfriend to say 'you look incredible tonight' or 30 likes on her selfie on facebook as lot now would choose the 30 people.

 

But as for the filters it's horrendous. I have to admit me and an ex once had an argument because a friend of hers posted a picture of a walk where it was filtered, the water looked incredible the sky was blue etc etc it made it look amazing... it was then an argument and I fear it was an argument out of jelousy that ours never looked as good. We don't have filters on our eyes. You could do the same date and it isn't as good as you've seen on facebook anymore and suddenly that's you or her doubting your own happiness (why doesn't ours seem as good as so an sos online). It's a sad shame but I honestly think it'll get worse.

 

As an example my married mate always wants to go on my tinder etc as he feels hes missing out. How can you convince a married couple that it isn't all it's cracked up to be. You're sat at home, 2 screaming kids, the dogs been sick, you look at your partner and then at Facebook.. on facebook your other friend who's married has posted a family picture of a day out, its filtered, the sky is blue, the kids are laughing, the wife looks suntanned because of the filter. How can you ever switch your mind off to that and accept it's not real life.

 

My choice next time is to delete myself from social media and then there's never an issue, just trust your partner and it's all good.

Edited October 15, 2017 by Inlovenotinlove

[vickyp]

I don't have any social media, and I'm happy with that. I don't understand this selfie craze, and people posting on fb every thing they do. My life is simple, and in terms of dating, I'd like to talk to people face to face, instead of online. So yes, I do think social media has ruined society.

[Cersei]

I agree with all the above posts. And do you know how many threads are about "my boyfriend liked another girls pictures"? Grrrr!

 

I think Facebook creates jealousy, anger and insecurities where there really should be none.

[Blanco]

I think social media has definitely had a negative impact on not just relationships, but general human relationships.

 

Still, I'm bothered by this incorrect nostalgia for "the good old days" when everyone "just worked it out." That is not true, nor is it necessarily a good thing. People staying in a bad relationship is not admirable.

[Blanco]

For example i haven't posted nothing about my recent break up. My ex however has posted about being positive so everyone is now aware she's single. So now she's receiving post after post from guys etc saying 'im here for you'. It's just a complete relationship destroying tool.

 

And why do you know this?

[Steve51]

I am 66 so social media came later in my life. We had to actually go out and meet girls and then talk to them in person or over the phone. I read all the posts in the internet and laugh most times. People get upset if someone does not immediately respond to a text or try to read meaning into a post/text. They anguish if they are unfriended by an ex girlfriend or wife. Many people's social life in online where it is easy to make friends.

 

Online you only get to see what the other person wants you to see. I know that people lie. Everyone does and everyone thinks they are better than they really are. Many studies have been done on this. Most people I fire are shocked because they thought they were my best workers. When I show that they handled less work than a new employ they come up with excuses such as that they get all the hard accounts to handle, etc.. This behavior was found in the studies too. When they put a group of people together to do the same task with the same tools, it was obvious who was better and yet the losers tended to minimize the skills of the winner with all sorts of excuses. This is what you see on social media; a person's distorted view of themselves and yet people fall in love in social media.

 

The other sad thing are those who live far away carrying on relationship with someone they never met and remaining sexual faithful too. They are throwing away the best years of their life over someone they do not see regularly. They fall in love with the avatar and not the real person.

 

Social media has contributed to the high divorce rate because it is very easy to get an online friend. That friend becomes a confident, then someone who's shoulder you can cry on who agreed with everything you say. That leads to infatuation and ultimately love. So you end up with a spouse at home who is taking you for granted, nags you, is not good in the sack and you have a idealize lover online to turn to so might as well meet.

 

There are a lot of desperate and lonely people out there using social media to replace real friends and relationships. That is sad. I friend everyone I know but follow no one. I am not interested in their daily pictures of their kids or what they ate for dinner. I could care less about their activities of the day. I have a real life with real life friends that I can see and touch. Do not need to fulfill my needs online. The worse is breaking up online. That is cowardice.

[BG1]

I totally agree with the OP. In my case, I use Instagram for work purposes and my ex-was unhappy about me now sharing anything of her on that platform. I did time to time share pictures of us on FB, but I'm not the kind of guy that posted a lot of personal content. That lead to some arguments and she never really settled on that.

 

I will also add that younger people look at Social Media and use that as a reference of how happy they want to be with their partner or in a relationship and these aspirations are impossible to meet. As in social media people only share positive experiences. Travels, nights outs, events, etc... there is no sign of the struggle they may be going thru or their difficulties.

 

Moreover after the break up the social media is another thing that may set you back to square one unless a strict NC is implemented. As another person posted, people tend to exaggerate their insecurities thru their use or interactions with social media.

[Alamo657]

Social media greatly undermines modern relationships.

 

If someone is "unhappy" in a relationship, escapism is readily at hand : "new" people are a few messages away, seemingly "better" people can be hunted and evaluated trough their social medias, and dating apps make having sex without actually dating easy as pie.

In that game, woman are the big winner, because they have something all men want (that thing between the legs), whereas few men possess what most women want (being marketable to your girl-friends).

 

Liberal people will say that modern means of dating and communicating allow freedom and diversity of choice, while conservative ones will note that the overabundance and easyness of choice make everyone untrustworthy and flaky.

 

I will repeat what i have said in other threads tho : social media only enhances what you are.

 

If you're an attractive person, social media allows you to market this positive image to more people, thus giving you more opportunities for dating/cheating/socializing.

On the other side of the spectrum, average/unpopular people feel that whereas before they "had a chance", now they have none, because not only do they have nothing to market, but more people notice...

Edited October 15, 2017 by Alamo657