mhops100 Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 My ex of 1 year broke up with me because he couldn't handle a LDR (though I suspect other commitment issues were also at play - he didn't want to deal with a rut, and ups and downs), but when I accepted his decision and told him I would go no contact, he wouldn't stop telling me how much he loved me, how he couldn't stand not hearing my voice ever again, how he had nightmares about me moving on, how he needed to see me to tell me how important I was to him. He seemed legitimately sad and didn't anticipate that I wouldn't want to be friends. He eventually realized that I really was in no place to speak to him, and I think his really hurt him. I persisted with the NC but am still confused about his behavior and keep wondering if he's ok? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Dumpers do often have regrets. Especially if he broke up with you, not because you two were fundamentally incompatible but because he couldn't handle the LDR, I can see where he would regret the decision. Regret is not the same as him changing his mind. If the distance isn't going to close any time soon, just assume he's OK & he's making it through even if he was hurt. Live your life & find somebody new. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 It sounds like he wanted you in his life but didn't want to date you. I don't think he expected your response which was a no nonsense approach and this threw him off if you will. Basically you accepted his decision without begging,arguing, etc and this didn't follow his script. He made a decision so let him deal with it. You dump someone you can't expect them to remain in your life- they have to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mhops100 Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 Thanks, and you are certainly right about him not expecting my no-nonsense reaction. I wonder if I'm being rash and should try to maintain some contact/friendship with him; we really did/do love each other deeply, and this was stated until the end. Should I expect to hear from him at some point? I just don't know how to proceed when there is still so much love between us, and yet so much risk for hurting each other even more. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 He doesn't want the distance. If the distance ends, reach out. But exactly what would be the point of a friendship? What do you expect to talk about -- how lonely you are without each other? Your new relationship? Any new SO will hate the fact that you are friends. I'm not saying be mean. I am suggesting that there is no real middle ground after a break up, even one that is not based on a dislike for the EX 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Why you BROKE UP. And recent. Don't get lured into the friends BS it never works and the only thing I've ever seen it do is cause people to hate/resent each other or one person tries to hold on while the other moves on. I'm not saying that you can't be together. But you can't have it both ways. Either he wants a relationship or not. No middle ground because supposedly he loves you sooooo much that nothing should be able to get in the way including distance. Link to post Share on other sites
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