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He's happy


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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  • 1 Post By d0nnivain
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Old 6th October 2017, 5:32 AM   #1
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He's happy

He sent me an email stating he's never been happier in his whole life ! Said he's not drinking much working 18 hours a day ? And overall states he's positive clear headed and again happy . ?

Not one ounce of remorse for kicking me on the curb throwing my clothes on his lawn nothing . 9 years and I get a I'm happy letter and that my thought process is skewed . Claims has no disease when I know god dam well had an HPV .
Why do you say I love this man ? I really have no idea .

I feel like he's toying w me . But it reall is bothering me to think that none of this is affecting him - it's business as usual . I know it's time to move on but I'm really having a very very hard time
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Old 6th October 2017, 5:44 AM   #2
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Yes, your thought process is skewed.

Several years of on and off coupled with abuse and you're sitting there expecting a man who has treated you like garbage to show you remorse? You're confused as to why he's not affected? When time and time again he's shown you he has never truly been invested or loved you in a genuine fashion.

Wake up. He's not going to suddenly become Prince Charming and shower you with honorable behavior. Stop having these expectations just because you are so desperate to be validated. The problem isn't him anymore, it's you.

I'm sure your mother and children have been hurt and pained by this. If you can't make the right decision for yourself, then try to use them as your motivation. I'm sure they have suffered through this process as well from seeing the hurt and damage you have caused to yourself. It's time you and your family started feeling some peace. I'm sure they want their daughter and mother back.

You've been advised to block him. Why have you not done it? You're hoping to go back to him again so that's why you're leaving a door open? There is no point changing your number if you still have him on email.

No one can help you if you DO NOT chose to help yourself.
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Last edited by Zahara; 6th October 2017 at 5:52 AM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:20 AM   #3
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He's too much of a sociopath to feel remorse. You can't see it now but him kicking you out is going to turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.

I'm serious -- talk to your children about him. When you see your dysfunctional relationship through their eyes you won't want to go back. They want to see their mom in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a man who cherishes her. This was the opposite.

Get into therapy to work on your self esteem.

Now that he has opted to get out of our life, your life will improve.
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:11 AM   #4
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I did change all my numbers and I did block him on my emails . He created another email address on google and emailed me . Just to rub it in that he's happy . You guys are right it is now me . Over the years throghtout out dozens of blow outs then break ups he's ALWaYS come back crying begging showing up at my home or job waiting in his truck and I always caved felt so weak . Then we would resume where we left off .

We were engaged . I have this meaningless piece of nothing to display which I think I should now sell . My heart is literally shattered . I feel awful . I can't sleep I can't eat . Nothing is fun to me anymore .

All I'm focused on is how happy he claims to be . I am in therapy . My therapist tells me I'm abused . The abuse has taken me to this point where at 49 I've allowed this to stay in my life .

He's impotent has ED yet had weird sexual fetishes . But he was charming and at times so convincing of his love for me . I always felt something wasn't right can't explain it could never put my finger on it .

I just want to feel normal again so badly . Thank you for listening
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:19 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Kokomo View Post
I did change all my numbers and I did block him on my emails . He created another email address on google and emailed me . Just to rub it in that he's happy .
The next time you see an unknown email you check it for spam and you delete it. The thing is you know it is him. Your process of managing NC would be to delete anything that you suspect is from him. So, the next time you see a suspicious email, you delete and you don't read it.

You have the chance to feel normal again but it is going to take time, effort and commitment on your part to get through the difficult period of healing and recovering from abuse. There is not magical way to fast forward through the pain.

Reversing the effects of abuse is difficult but an achievable process. The answer isn't going back to your abuser but removing any trace of him and moving forward. And if you read up on the patterns of an abuser, you will see that they almost always return. Why? It is because they are returning to control you NOT because they love you.

You are in your late 40s. Stop wasting more years on someone that has shown you time and time again that change isn't possible.
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Last edited by Zahara; 6th October 2017 at 8:21 AM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:34 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Kokomo View Post
I just want to feel normal again so badly . Thank you for listening


In time you will feel normal again but it won't happen immediately. You ended up here after years of brow beating & warped thinking. It will take time to undo that damage & heal but you will heal.


We're here to listen & support you as you move forward but you must move forward not fall back with him. He's not good for you.
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Old 7th October 2017, 10:25 AM   #7
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Fighting all urges To contact the weekends are very hard as that's when we were together . He clearly doesn't care never did and that reality is hitting me very hard this morning - I really wish there were a pill or something to take to ease this trenendous pain in my heart .
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Old 9th October 2017, 10:21 AM   #8
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He's just messing with you trying to get his attention. What was he going to say- I'm still a loser? Of course hes going to paint a picture because he's trying to get you to bite.
I had an ex do the ssmething- told me how wonderful she was doing and how everything was great. I took the bait and surprise surprise she was WORSE then before.
If your truly doing outstanding your ex is the last person you would tell because they aren't are your mind if your doing sooooo great.
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