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I don't get excited anymore


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 4th October 2017, 1:12 AM   #1
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I don't get excited anymore

So long story short, I've been dating this girl for about 3 years, and from the beginning we've had great chemistry. We would always have fun together and laugh, and I was there for her when her parents were going through a divorce and it was rough for her. (It was also rough on me) so I've been there through thick and thin. During that time, she slowly gained over about 80 pounds and it kind of led me to become unattracted to her. (I've told her this, and it's more so the laziness that was the most unattractive. She was actually a really cute girl before the weight issues) and after a long period of doing nothing, she is now really trying to lose weight. I'm just not sure if I still want to be in this relationship though. It is getting more serious and I just don't feel the same excitement as I used to. I don't want to be stuck in a relationship with someone I'm not really attracted too anymore. I want to be so bad, but I feel like it's just not there anymore even though she's very slowly losing weight. But sometimes its more than just the weight. At the core, I honestly just feel tired and wiped from everything.

I'm more of a books/artistic type guy and she's definitely the opposite. Which is okay, but sometimes it just seems like she could care less about anything I care about, (not in a mean way, it just truly doesn't interest her, and her attention span is about that of a goldfish lol) It doesn't really ever feel like she has any ambition to do anything beyond what's happening that specific day. I just wish she had a little more ambition and drive in life. I can have a deep conversation with her, but sometimes she does seem very child like.

All that being said, she is my absolute best friend and literally the kindest person I've ever met. I feel like I would regret breaking up. We still have a lot of fun together sometimes and she really loves me more than anyone I've ever known. Sometimes I'm afraid to break up with her (because I do protect her) and I feel like I don't know if I'll ever find anyone like her again. She's always been my partner in crime, I just am now realizing if there was ever really any lasting substance there beyond having fun and being free spirited. I mean I've taken a cross country trip with this girl and I truly do love her. I just don't know if I'm IN love with her. (The attraction is a big thing to me) I feel like I'm at a crossroads and don't know what I want.

What should I do?

Last edited by Flash23; 4th October 2017 at 1:21 AM..
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:44 PM   #2
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I understand your situation and want to help. Sounds like you both really care for each other. It's a great thing that you were there for her during her parents divorce. I assume she has been there for you during your difficult times. It's what best friends do for each other.

Expectations are important to discuss between the two of you. I'll assume she's the same person after gaining; now loosing weight. Starting a relationship as friends is very foundational for a great relationship, for now and in the future.

You also mentioned that attraction is a big thing to you. Everyone changes as they get older; new people coming into our lives daily. I would take a serious look into what is important to you in a relationship. I'll pray that you and her walk in peace, love and honesty towards each other.
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