I probably blew it

[phatgreenbuds67]

So here I am again. Good looking guy, makes good money, blah blah blah…just now hitting the 6 month mark with this stunning creature and I just ended it. Its killing me but I have no choice. Such a roller coaster of emotions the entire time we have been together. One minute its like she has no interest, I am uncertain if I will even see her or not then an hour later she is texting me to come over and spend the night. This uncertainty each day exposed some insecurities that I never knew I had. They got in my head and I did not deal with them very well. As a result I have pushed her away to the point that there is distinct distance.

 

 

 

All the loving, sexy, texts and pics that she used to send, all the initiating of contact and sex…its all pretty much gone. She still has me come over and we still have sex but its just kind of clinical now, and usually after a very strange interaction where I am not certain she even wants me there. Its like she is doing it out of some sort of obligation. Just when I think its time to end it…we go out to a very nice dinner for my birthday, she is her old self again, and then she springs on me the present she has been making by hand for me. I’m blown me away that she would take that time to do all this planning and then we have amazing sex…the next day the cycle starts over. I have had a lot of sex in my life. Pussy is pussy so I thought. But this girl has pure gold between her legs. It is truly the BEST I have EVER had.

 

 

 

It finally blew up last night. I am out of town on business and we start texting. Typically she responds immediately but lately the intervals are getting further and further apart. Then suddenly she stops responding. We both have this other messaging app that we don’t use with each other but it shows you when they are currently online messaging and when they were last seen. I was waiting for a response to a question for 30 minutes and saw in this other app that she was active online.

 

Me:

Ummmm ok

Guess the other conversation is more intriguing

 

Her:

Ummmm really? And ummmm ok because I don't reply within 30 minutes, are you kidding me right now?

 

The other conversation as in my reading my daughter some stories before I tuck her in bed?

 

Oyy....I haven't even sat down since I left earlier and still have things to accomplish and you think I'

m

worried about a text reply.....my phone was almost dead it's been plugged in in my room. Just wow....I need to accomplish some things before I go to bed I'll talk to later.

 

Also please moving forward, don't expect a reply between 7:30pm and 9:30pm and save the smart ass comments for someone else that's not busy handling life

So she lied. I know she was texting someone else but she claimed she was reading to her daughter. This coupled with a sexy pic that she took the other night, a pic that was not taken for me. She sent it to me a few days later in conversation about her hair style and I had to wonder for who? Who it was taken for I have no idea, who she is now texting an talking to, I have no idea. But my gut is screaming at me right now. I have not responded, I have done nothing. I have decided that this is over and I am cutting off all contact. In my opinion this relationship has taken a turn for the worse and its not repairable. So now in a couple days when she reaches out, how do I handle it? Do I continue to ignore her or just explain that I am done?

 

 

 

I probably blew it...I let my head get the best of me when I knew better. I have lost what should have been the best thing to ever happen to me and now I have to find a way to be ok with this loss. Day one of NC in progress. Wish me luck.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't always trust technology, just saying. Maybe she really was not texting. This morning the Life360 app on my phone announced that my daughter left school and her car was headed down the highway. 30 seconds later it showed she was "at school." My point is, technology is awesome, but NOT fool proof.

[CamelBoy]

If its Whatsapp it could have been plugged into the wall open, or could have been connected to a laptop which shows them online all the time.... Just saying.

 

Jealously can be very hard to control, and pointing out your detective work would just make it even worse in my opinion.

 

You could always just apologise even if you're going to no contact?

[Jchav123]

It's like you and I know the same girl, except my ex doesn't have a daughter. I could bust her for something with proof and she'd deny it. I am not saying this girl is lying to you but a lot of red flags in your post ring true with me personally as far as past experience.

 

I feel like this girl has some kind of issues she is working through. Push you away and pull you in again, possible lying, and over explaining simple things, and having the best sex you have ever had but still she shrugs it off.

 

Chances are pretty high that if you apologize for trying to catch her in something and leave her alone, she will come to you within a few days.

[phatgreenbuds67]

There is too much water under the bridge. WE have had miscommunications too many times and tried to come back from it. I admit and own that its my own doing. I have never dealt with insecurity like this. No girl has ever got me hooked like this. She has dangled time after time all the guys that she has wanting her, how anyone of her ex's would take her back in a flash. She has made it clear that she is not going to let anyone ever hurt her. She has that BS tough girl mentality where she believes she can shut off feelings and let anyone go. She claims she doesnt love or feel loving like girls do. So yeah...If I am not someone special, if I am not a priority...I am nothing, I am gone.

 

I agree that whatsapp could be misreporting but I find it odd that it showed her online when she wasnt responding to me, then offline when she finally did respond. It wasn't detective work, I was texting a coworker and saw her online. She has no idea I even was on looking. The text exchange in the OP is the extent of our last communication.

 

The key point here is that my inability to reconcile all these new feelings and insecurity has done damage and she has pulled away to a point that does no work for me any longer. I know in a few days she will come at me with some ****ty text and I will just have to suck it up and ignore it. She knows what the NC is all about and told me if I ever engage in it she will make me regret it.

Edited September 21, 2017 by phatgreenbuds67

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

TShe has dangled time after time all the guys that she has wanting her, how anyone of her ex's would take her back in a flash. She has made it clear that she is not going to let anyone ever hurt her. She has that BS tough girl mentality where she believes she can shut off feelings and let anyone go. She claims she doesnt love or feel loving like girls do.

 

This is distasteful at best, narcissistic at worst.

 

I don't blame you for wanting to end this one .

[marky00]

She knows what the NC is all about and told me if I ever engage in it she will make me regret it.

 

One word: Narcissist

[preraph]

She has made it clear that she is not going to let anyone ever hurt her. She has that BS tough girl mentality where she believes she can shut off feelings and let anyone go. She claims she doesnt love or feel loving like girls do. So yeah...If I am not someone special, if I am not a priority...I am nothing, I am gone.

 

 

Very secure people don't try to hang onto something that isn't making them happy anymore and are confident they can just find someone else or be okay without. I know those people are rare, but they do exist. They accept reality and aren't needy enough to keep someone who isn't making them happy. It's not tough. It's secure. You know, jealousy is just insecurity. Checking up on people and monitoring them is just insecurity and it doesn't solve anything and doesn't work on a secure person, who will just dump you for it.

[marky00]

Very secure people don't try to hang onto something that isn't making them happy anymore and are confident they can just find someone else or be okay without.

 

sounds good in theory but at the end of the day, it's all about how much love still exists.

 

 

you can be the most secure person in the world but how tough it is walking away purely depends on how much you care for the other person.

 

 

also the human brain is wired for survival in the present moment. so its natural to minimise anguish in the present moment. the old "devil you know is better than the devil you don't know".

 

 

I agree with you on the jealousy emotion however. That's an unattractive and wasted emotion. Although, I have met people who kind of thought otherwise. Seen a few guys get in fights due to jealously and their girlfriends didn't seem to mind too much

[Goodguy05]

Dude one important factor here........it is not u being insecure ok let's make that distinction very clear, it's her actions making u feel insecure

[phatgreenbuds67]

Interesting...shortly after I updated with my last post she texted me. This is very NOT Normal for her.

Her:

I hope you are having a good day, thinking about you

Me:

Same to you. Just got to the airport about to go through security

Her:

Good deal!

In hindsight I should have just ignored it but the dopamine fix kicked in. Nothing since. In my opinion if this is to ever be fixed she will have to put in the work to fix it. I agree that these insecurities that i am feeling are a product of her actions however I am a grown ass man. I should be able to control myself and I expect much more from me.

[BryanSmiley]

With more comm's being on texting and social media etc. - it's becoming increasingly common for these things to occur. OP I've had it recently too, whereby my most recent ex for a while messaged me in the morning, fair bit in the day even at work, at night.

 

Then it dropped off a fair bit and she'd say she was late for work so no good morning, busy at work so no comm's.

 

It did make me wonder and raise my anxiety because I felt it was a half truth. It takes what 10 seconds to ping a morning, or reply or a short message, even if it's to the affect of, hey i'm quite busy, message you later.

 

So it's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. Although I wish I'd have just pulled back as-well and not helped turn these things into a drama, there is some merit to thinking, the other person is acting a tad off.

 

It's very hard to then stop yourself initiating any comm's when all you wanna do is get to the bottom of there changed contact regularity. Maybe it's better to pull back, give them space, but it's unpleasant not knowing or getting a full picture from the other side. So don't blame yourself entirely.

[phatgreenbuds67]

There is clearly a decay in this relationship. I finally got another text from her today asking me how my day was going. I simply replied "good". This is after last night with no communication and all day today with no communication. Typically I always tell her goodnight and good morning but she is acting as if everything is fine. Or she is at least ignoring the fact that I have shutdown. Before all this turned south she would get quite vocal and upset if I didn't check in in the morning or at night. Now just crickets. To add fuel to the fire her company may be shutting down. She was supposed to get the information today as to whether or not she will have a job much longer and I didn't bother to ask her about it. I feel like i am playing a kids game here but whats my alternative? If she wants me to care she needs to fix this distance she put between us...right?

[phatgreenbuds67]

Day 4 of NC and its getting hard. I found myself hoping all yesterday that she would reach out just one more time...she didn't. Instead pics if her out and looking happy as can be appeared on Instagram. She rarely ever posts there so there is a part of me that thinks that was to let me know she is doing just fine without me. Of course we always make things fit our narrative to satisfy our fears. She may very well not have a single thought about me at this point. It hurts to realize that I am that disposable. That she really had no feelings other to enjoy the lifestyle that I could bring.

 

Sadest part of this is that there is this other very hot little thing that I met a while back before the current ex. She had a guy that she was seeing so I never pursued it despite the fact that we had a real connection. She just became single again and she has been calling me. We even hung out last night but I just cant bring myself to do it. Every girl I see i compare to the ex and none of them stack up. This is pathetic. I need this to get easier...like now!

[phatgreenbuds67]

My last post on this matter. She has continued to reach out with minimal effort. I have not initiated contact at all. We did talk on the phone but didn't really resolve anything. Here is the last couple days of conversation in text since:

 

Her:

Just finally getting in bed. I hope you had a good Sunday and I hope you have a productive week. Maybe we can get together over the weekend and grab a drink and talk more if you are free ?

 

Me:

Ok. Safe travels. I'm here if you wanna talk. Not sure where we are or if we are. But I stand by what I said. You want the guy you met back? Then bring him back. It's not all that much effort. It's not chasing either...it's easy AF.

 

Her:

All i said was maybe we can meet for a drink....there were no hidden under tones I'm good with and I embrace whatever side you choose to give me bc with me it's always a different side as well

 

Her:

This might be the better side of you for me now that I think of it...

 

Me:

Ummm well let me clarify...we are together or not. If not then take care. It's uncertainty that brought us to this point.

 

Me:

Oh...well there's my answer

 

Her:

Okay so that was a no to my suggestion of drinks this weekend? I'm unclear...

 

Me:

What's the point? You just said you prefer it like this? So ok...I will respect that you don't want what we had and ask that you respect that I will settle for nothing less.

 

Her:

Might and prefer have very different meanings just as an FYI

 

Me:

Uncertainty is not an option. You know what you want. If saying it is not an option then not sure what else I can do

 

Her:

Okay that's fine B, all I suggested was that we get a drink and talk if you were free. No means no...I get it

 

Sleep sweet please ?

 

Me:

Goodbye Brittany. Sorry I wasn't the right one

 

I thought I was clear and said my goodbye. I was not expecting to hear from her again. Then the next night I get this. She starts pulling lyrics from one of our favorite songs. Something we used to do for fun in text before everything went south.

 

Her:

I hope you had a good day, just thinking of you

 

Her:

Because it's everything

No everything...was never the deal

 

Me:

I've truly missed this...things lately are harsh but for me, everything is the deal. Or not.

 

 

I don't know what the right move is or if there is a move. I just can't keep having her string me along but there is a part of me that thinks she is trying. She just has her ego and she is just as stubborn as I am. I am so confused now and afraid that trying to contact her will be the big mistake of my life while thinking that letting her go could be the worst loss in my life. Please someone tell me what she is thinking.