Wanting a break, but I'll miss her so much

[Username2017]

I'm driving my gf crazy. We're both 30. We're two years into a relationship that's had more than it's fair share of challenges. She's stuck it out with me and I've stuck it out with her. We both carry a bit of resentment towards eachother because of some issues we've been through in the relationship. The relationship has taken quite a toll on our mental health. For me, it's made me feel like I'm not good enough. And I've so expertly taken a victim role in a lot of the drama and I havent been able to be the "man" she needs. Yet we both can't seem to be apart from eachother.

 

We both work from home, so our relationship has been kind of a non stop 24 hours in eachothers space thing. Which was nice in the beginning. With my feelings of wanting to run away now, I thought having space to myself would be helpful. But I'm craving months of space- to travel. I don't want to be with anyone else, I just don't want the stress of being in a relationship. The problem is whenever I leave she becomes distant and I end up missing her to death. I don't want to let her go. But I'm not 100% present in the relationship. I feel I think about the resentment a lot when I'm with her, and when I feel like I'm losing her none of that seems to matter at all - I just want her back. It's a rollercoaster and I'm causing more drama because of it. She wants to see a commitment from me and I'm having a hard time doing that when I'm feeling like I have an opportunity to travel now for a long period of time which I'm viewing as a way to do some healing and feeling more confident about myself so I can bring more to the relationship down the road. Committing means not traveling freely and independently.

 

I'm afraid if I hit the road and travel, I'm just going to miss her. And if I commit and stay, I'm just going to wonder what awaits me on the road. Why can't I just pick something!

 

We talked opening about this. She says I'm free to go but she's not waiting for my return. I'm not sure what I'm looking to get by posting this on here. I just feel like I need someone else to talk to because I've mentally exhausted her on this topic of staying or going. In fact it may be too late already...

Edited August 1, 2017 by Username2017

[anduina]

You should go since as a 30 year old, the future will likely hold more responsibilities and obligations so you won't be able to freely travel. Don't hold onto a relationship that sounds like it's already winding down. You'll have bigger regrets from not having the chance to travel and those regrets can easily be turned against her especially if you're prone to taking a victim role.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How about one of you finds a separate work space so you're not spending SO much time together and see how that feels first? By separate, I mean a different location. Outside of your house. What do you do?

[d0nnivain]

Wanting to travel is different then wanting some type of hiatus from the relationship. But you do need to discuss the parameters beforehand. If your gone, is her address still your address & are you still responsible for the bills? Can either of you date other people while you are away?

 

 

If you are breaking up, do that but don't leave her wondering in limbo. Understand even if you want her to wait, she might not want to. So what do you want more: her or freedom? Chose wisely.

[sandylee1]

You want her as your safe bet and she's not having it ... I don't blame her. You can't have it both ways. You back off wanting a break and she gives you space. ..but you miss her too much.

 

Maybe shes just not the one for you. ..or she is. ..but the timing isn't right

 

Go on your travels and let her go. You'd be too flaky for me (and many) to be in a relationship with.

 

 

You're not ready for a commitment. A woman in her 30s is usually thinking marriage and kids. The biological clock is at the back of her mind. If you're not serious, she wants to find a man who is.

 

Don't waste her time.

Edited August 1, 2017 by sandylee1
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