GF of 2 years left me now what

[2011EvoGSR]

On June 26 my girlfriend of just over two years broke up with me. I will try to give the best details I can on the relationship to get some advice on what I should do. She is 37 and I'm 47 if that helps any. We did not live together and only got to see each other on weekends due to her being an hour away and both of us working a bunch of hours all we had was weekends.

 

I delivered product to her store for over 5 years. I was always interested in her but never spoke to her above anything other then work related stuff. Main reason is she had a ring on her finger and was still married to her now former husband of 17 years. But prior to the divorce she began to pursue me. Always trying to get me to meet up and have sex. She would have her friends text me and her sister to try and meet her prior to the divorce. Which I didn't really want to do. So I kept turning her down until I caved one night months into this. Which I still regret to this day. Even if they were getting a divorce I prefer to wait until it's final.

 

The divorce was very hard on both of us. The husband blamed me for everything and maybe in a way he was right. It was probably one of the most stressful times of my life as well as her ex husbands. It's why I usually don't get myself involved in these types of situations.

 

After her divorce we began dating like normal people do. We had an amazing connection for two years. We have never had a yelling or screaming argument. Early in the relationship she shut down on me twice. When she has to much going on in life she shuts down. She wouldn't talk to me for a week each time and I had no clue what was going on. Then she would come around we would talk and everything was fine. We never had any issues like that again.

 

Fast forward to march of this year. She got pregnant and did not want to have the baby. So as a couple we made the decision to not have it. Everything seemed fine following it. I did not pressure her either way. I told her we could make it work no matter what the choice.

 

Then June rolls around and we had some issues. Not big issues to me but I think the issues caused her to shut down and view me as not the man for her. We had like three or four issues that caused me to not talk much for one or two days then we would talk about it and be fine. I don't really like to argue so if she does something I don't like I just keep quiet and don't say much until I'm over it. Which she doesn't like. After the first time in June she said she didn't like how we were being and asked what we could do to fix it. I said it will be fixed when I'm done thinking about stupid stuff. Which it was stupid and I was kinda mad at myself for even letting it bother me. To be honest when she said that I didn't think much about it because to me we weren't fighting or arguing. I didn't go NC or anything I just wouldn't say much those two days.

 

We always had a very loving relationship one where she would tell me over and over how much she loves and appreciates me and I would do the same in return. In fact in May she sent me 4 decent size text telling me all that stuff over and over. To which I replied I really don't know what I would do without her and she replied back I hope neither of us ever has to find out. A month and a half later she broke up with me.

 

The morning we broke up she went out the night before and didn't text me when she got home. I never cared what she did when she went out I'm not like that. I didn't want to smother her and you need to let your women go out and enjoy herself not question her every move. I just liked a text that she was home safe and sound so when I woke up in the morning I wouldn't have to worry if she made it home. She texted me around 11am and gave me the normal good morning told me she loved me and she was sorry she didn't text she got home. I said don't worry about it. She said she was worried because that's not how we do things. I said it's ok you obviously got something going on. Then it just went downhill she started with shes confused she needs to find herself and that I'm not the guy for her. Told me not to wait for her and live my life and to take care of myself. She also said she feel like she jumped to fast from her marriage with me. She asked if we could be friends I said we could have if you didn't break up with me in this manner. I said I would get my things and we would never speak again. I went to her house she was out with her daughter at the time got my stuff and left.

 

The next day I texted her after I calmed down to try and get some explanation as to what happened. She told me she changed and she doesn't know when or why it happened. It's not me it's her you know how it goes. Told me I deserve to have someone who can give me 100% of their heart as I give and that she just can't do that right now. She said she had been thinking about it for a while and she just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Now we text everyday all day usually. We text in a very specific way always goofing around and very loving. Except for June was not a good month with her doing a few things that made me not text much a few times. But prior to that it was the same as it was since the day we started this relationship. This was the first time ever we didn't relate well in our relationship. I was working a bunch and probably not as attentive as I had been during our relationship that month.

 

I talked to one of her friends. She told that friend the night before we broke up that I never wanted to do anything. Which I guess is kinda true but we never really had time to do much. But then told her I would do anything she wanted if she asked. I would work 55+ hours M-F go out to her on Friday take her out to dinner every Friday and then Saturday 9 out of 10 times I had to run her girls all over the place with her all day. There wasn't much time to do anything else. I had just payed for a cruise for this September for us. I mean it's not like I never wanted to do anything. We have busy lives so we do what we can. I was actually going to propose to her on the final night of the cruise on the deck of the ship. I had no idea while I was planning that she was thinking how do I get out of this relationship.

 

My personal opinion is June caused her to get scared because we weren't ourselves and she started talking to someone else and she became confused. I think she broke up with me to date someone else. I mean she has been married since before she was 20. Maybe shes not sure I'm the right guy and she better live a little and see what's out there now before she gets married again.

 

I don't know I'm just confused and could use some opinions on the relationship. She swears it was not another guy. But she also told me she loved me and would never lie or break my heart. Well if she was thinking this for a while then she was lying to me the entire time because she never talked to me about it.

 

I sent one text after like four days later. I told her not to respond to it. I wasn't begging or pleading for her back. I just said that nothing happened here that should cause this to end and that I felt like her emotions were making her think things are worse then they are.

 

We have not spoke in over 20 days. So what do you guys think should I ever contact her again or just wait and see if she ever contacts me. I never had someone leave a relationship like this. Usually when they leave you can say yeah we argued a bunch or this was wrong that was wrong. But here there were no major issues so it's confusing to me. I mean June was not our finest month I guess but when it comes to long term relationships that's a minor bump in the road.

[Cookiesandough]

sorry to hear this. stay strong and stay NC

[2011EvoGSR]

Thanks for your reply. Yeah guess that's really all I can do.

[Marc878]

If you chase they only move farther away

[springy]

Too much, too soon during/after her divorce. She was not ready, and probably won't be for a long time. She may continue to relationship hop or she may stay single for awhile, but this just had bad timing written all over it. Stay nc. Sorry for your pain.

[2011EvoGSR]

Yeah you may be right I think it was too much too soon. I have a strong feeling I will hear from her again down the road. Just not really sure how I will feel then I guess.

[Spartakooty]

Wow. Sounds A LOT like what I went through last year. SO into you...then not. And no valid explanation as to why. It sucks. Been no contact 3 months and fully don't expect to hear from her again. We are both dating other people to boot so it ain't all bad! Not sure how I would feel if she reached out again. Would be hard to trust women like this. Your ex has been married so I can't really call her commitment phobic. Maybe...they just ain't that into us. Stay NC. I'm 45...my ex was 37...don't need to put up with this...it gets better.

[Chi townD]

When a girl says they're "confused" They're usually confused about their feelings that they have for you and someone else. Sorry dude. There was another guy in the picture and she kicked you to the curb for him. I know that sounds a bit mean; but, hopefully it helps to motivate you to move on.

[2011EvoGSR]

Wow. Sounds A LOT like what I went through last year. SO into you...then not. And no valid explanation as to why.

 

Each situation and every person is different. I seem to go after women with broken wings so to speak without even knowing it. This girl has some issues. Like I said she left for a week at a time early in the relationship. Wouldn't talk or anything then just came back. She often would say things like she doesn't know why she feels the way she does or why she acts the way she does sometimes. I believe she has no idea what she just walked away from. I also know she may never figure it out and spend her life jumping from relationship to relationship never finding what it is that she thinks she wants. I was her shoulder to lean on. I was her rock when times were bad. Shes about to find out what most women in their early years do. What we had doesn't come around all that often.

 

When a girl says they're "confused" They're usually confused about their feelings that they have for you and someone else. Sorry dude. There was another guy in the picture and she kicked you to the curb for him. I know that sounds a bit mean; but, hopefully it helps to motivate you to move on.

 

Oh no trust me what you said is what I have been thinking happened. I take no offense to it. That was already my mindset. So not mean at all I appreciate you taking time to reply.

 

I'm generally a thinker about things. She was the very opposite. She lives for the moment and would suffer the consequences later. I left her with very high standards for the next man on what they will have to live up to. I expect in a year or two I will hear back from her. But by then the wound will have healed and I will have moved on. At that moment I guess we will see just how much we really loved each other. Until then I will remain a ghost as I have since this ended. I'm a good man not perfect no man is but I'm one of the good ones. There is a reason her friends and family adored me and there is a reason she chased after me in the first place. She just lost sight of the man I am and focused on negatives to lead her in a different direction.

[2011EvoGSR]

Sorry double posted by accident had to delete one

Edited July 25, 2017 by 2011EvoGSR
Double posted by accident

[2011EvoGSR]

So I had posted on her like a week ago or so about my girlfriend just up and leaving me and me not really knowing why. Well I kind of know why now.

 

Ends up she left me to go back with her Ex husband that she can't stand. I actually found out from he Ex husbands Ex girlfriend who contacted me.

 

I talked to his Ex girlfriend the entire day. She has BPD and is just a mess. My Ex girlfriend never wanted her kids around her. I was shown a facebook message from last July where my Ex messaged the new girlfriend just after he started dating her. Telling her that she still loves her husband and that it's not over between them. I have no idea what to make of that message. I don't have any clue if that was just her freaking out about another women being around her kids. I do remember that time being very difficult for her. So I think she sent that to scare the girl off.

 

Fast forward to June of this month. My Ex suffers from what I think is abandonment issues from when her mother left her as a child and never returned. She has no idea where she is at this point no one does. I was working more then ever and we didn't get to text all day long like we use to. We had a few minor issues that caused me not to talk much for a few days and I think she felt like she was losing me.

 

later in June her ex husband is about to move in with the BPD girlfriend. The girlfriend has a bad night and hes not texting her so she sends a pic of herself about to hang herself if he doesn't get back to her. The ex husband can't afford the place where he lives and he has no money to get another place so he needs to move in with this BPD girl. He tells my girlfriend about the episode and shows her the text.

 

So my best guess as to what happened here is this. June starts off odd for us and she gets scared shes losing me. He uses that text from his girlfriend showing herself trying to hang herself on my girlfriend. He tells her he has no place else to go and if she doesn't want her kids around the BPD girlfriend she has to take him back or hes moving in with her.

 

Her one daughter refused to have anything to do with her dad moving in with that girl and said she wasn't going to spend anytime over there. My girlfriend told me about a week before she left me how her daughter was telling her how she would be gone in a few years for college and how she was crying about everything. I suspect there was more to that conversation and the daughter was also adding in how she wants the family back together.

 

She always wanted her parents back together even though hes mentally abusive to her mother. But my girlfriend always hid his negatives from the girls. The girls have no clue how he really is.

 

So it looks like she went back to him to keep her girls away from the BPD girlfriend and to give her one daughter the family back together. So she will go back to living the life she was before she left it for me. She will be miserable with him in a few months. At first I'm sure seeing her daughter happy will make her happy and allow her to do this. But hes not a good man and she left him for many reasons.

 

Man life in strange. I honestly believe this girl still loves me and want's to be with me. But she did this for her girls and now she will live in misery so they are happy. I guess I can understand that but in the end it makes me sad to know how life is going to be for her from here on out. But there's nothing I can do for her anymore. Been over 30 days of NC and I won't ever be breaking it.

[NopeNah]

Man life in strange. I honestly believe this girl still loves me and want's to be with me. But she did this for her girls and now she will live in misery so they are happy. I guess I can understand that but in the end it makes me sad to know how life is going to be for her from here on out. But there's nothing I can do for her anymore. Been over 30 days of NC and I won't ever be breaking it.

Look,man.. I'm not trying to be mean but, I saw another guy from the start of OP. Rationalize it as you must, BUT does it matter? You're now single..Go do your thing and live it up! I'm glad you're sticking to Nc!

[Steve51]

My fiance of 5 years cheated on me and we broke up. For many the best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. That is what I did. I flew to Sydney, met a girl and spent a month with her having as much sex as we could. The first time I called out my ex fiance's name but after that she started to fade away in my memory. After that I met a girl at work and she moved in with me. She too cheated so I left her also. That allowed me to meet my wife of 45 years.

 

When I look back at my life of 66 years I realize that what and who I am now it a direct result of both the good and bad things that happened to me. Change just one thing and my life goes in a different direction that may not be as good as it is now. You are now at the beginning of a new life for yourself. Stop seeing yourself as half of a couple. You are whole as you are and there are many girls out there to fall in love with.

Edited July 31, 2017 by Steve51

[2011EvoGSR]

My fiance of 5 years cheated on me and we broke up. For many the best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. That is what I did. I flew to Sydney, met a girl and spent a month with her having as much sex as we could. The first time I called out my ex fiance's name but after that she started to fade away in my memory. After that I met a girl at work and she moved in with me. She too cheated so I left her also. That allowed me to meet my wife of 45 years.

 

When I look back at my life of 66 years I realize that what and who I am now it a direct result of both the good and bad things that happened to me. Change just one thing and my life goes in a different direction that may not be as good as it is now. You are now at the beginning of a new life for yourself. Stop seeing yourself as half of a couple. You are whole as you are and there are many girls out there to fall in love with.

 

No I agree with everything you are saying trust me. I have no choice in the matter because she made the choice without ever even talking to me. I never begged her to stay or not go all I tried to get was an answer as to what happened. This was her choice it's not mine.

 

Look,man.. I'm not trying to be mean but, I saw another guy from the start of OP. Rationalize it as you must, BUT does it matter? You're now single..Go do your thing and live it up! I'm glad you're sticking to Nc!

 

Stop thinking you are being mean man lol. I'm the type of person who would rather be smacked in the face then stabbed in the back. I have always said it was another guy from the start. While I hurt from what she did to me and I should use hate and anger to help with my recovery I simply can't in this situation. I was actually moving on fine until I found this out. To have someone you care about put themselves back into a bad situation while you know you can no longer do anything for them is just hard for me to deal with. He was already sending videos of himself in the shower to the ex girlfriend since he got back together with my now ex. I didn't believe her until I told her to tell me what the bathroom looks like. This is my ex girlfriends place she has no reason to know what the bathroom looks like. She knew instantly so hes already been doing stuff he shouldn't be and doesn't appreciate the opportunity he has. But I can't do anything I have this information and I have to just sit on it and let her find out on her own that this guy will never change.