She Needs Space

[Latino4Lyfe]

Hey everyone,

 

I hope everyone has been well here. Today, I come to you with a broken heart and could really use your thoughts and insight on this.

 

2 months ago, I met a girl online and went to meet in person at a restaurant. From the moment I stepped in the place and saw her to the minute I said good night and went to my car, there was this unbelievable chemistry and vibe that I could not understand. Supposedly she felt it too.

 

From there, we spent the next two months together with myself driving to her part of town which is about an hour and a half from me every weekend, even sometimes after work to spend time with her. She came to my part of town a couple of times to see me. Her co workers and friends loved me, her family wanted to meet me. It was going great. We have a very similar background, we have a lot of common interests, goals....it was practically perfect. During the week of 4th of July she decided to have the "serious" relationship talk with me as she wanted to us to fully progress and I of course without hesitation said yes and we were official.

 

Things were really great up until this week when of course she decided to start acting cold. Now from past experiences which a few of you have read in the past, I already knew the signs of what was to come. This began Wednesday night when she called me in the middle of the night having a panic attack as she was having flashbacks of when an abusive ex out her in the hospital. Now the guy is long gone but she still gets anxiety from it and has been getting therapy. I did my best to calm her down and talk her through it. The next day, I check up on her and she tells me she is at work...a few hours later I check my social media and she posts up a picture of her cooking dinner at someone's house supposedly at the same time she is supposed to be working. I try calling her a few hours later and she does not respond.

 

She texts me the next morning, saying she was asleep and was checking to confirm our hiking plans for Saturday as we were going to spend the day together hiking. I then call her, and while she says she can't wait to see me, she cuts me off suddenly as she was at work working overtime and would call me the second she got off.

 

A few hours after she got off work and still no call, I decide to call her. She picks up, barely talking. I could tell there was a weird vibe and I ask her if she was ok, if anything was on her mind as she's been acting off the past week. I asked her about the other day, and she flat out says oh I met a friend and wanted to make a good impression so I went and made dinner...huh?!?! She then stated that it's been a long stressful week and is tired. She then asked how my day and doctor's appointment went as I had to do a blood test to make sure I'm healthy as I have to take check up tests a couple times a year due to family medical history. I told her yes, everything came back good and clean. Somewhere in that she took it the wrong way and asked me if I have been having sex with multiple people O.o. I was shocked at that, and obviously advised no, because I haven't. She then asked why I needed to take a blood test if I haven't done anything, acting real shady even though she knew why. I told her for the past two months, it's been her and only her. She seemed more shocked at that as she said that she did realize we were exclusive...I'm staring at my phone completely baffled...we just had this conversation last week, hell she was the one that initiated it!

 

At the end, I told her "Look, there's some things that are unclear here, after the hike, let's sit down and talk and get this straightened out. She agreed and we said our good nights. Which now leads to yesterday, the day of and here's the following texts:

 

Me: "Good Morning, I just got up and getting dressed. I'm about to head out in a few to come get you.

 

She responded an hour later:

 

Her: "I'm not feeling up to it today. I'm very stressed out and I don't know what to do."

 

Her: "I'm sorry, but I need some space. I went out with friends last night to get my mind off things and it didn't do anything. Everything is just really bad right now and I need time to myself."

 

Upon reading that my heart sank...it was Deja Vu all over again. Once again from my past experiences, I knew what to do and I refuse to go through this again. My response:

 

Me:"Ok, I think that's a good idea."

 

She texts a half hour later

 

Her: "Are you making fun of me."

 

Me looking all confused

 

Me: "No, I'm respecting your request."

 

Her: "I think your making fun of me."

 

Me: "I'm not, you are saying you want space and I'm accepting it."

 

From there she did not respond back. A few hours later I got on my social media and she was posting pics of her going hiking...so she basically went without me and then later on posting a status about going to a party.

 

Me, feeling confused and heartbroken just spent the day with my friends who were also in shock.

 

She texted last night saying Hey, but I did not respond.

 

Right now, I feel so lost and heartbroken. This was the last thing I was expecting to happen again.

 

What do you guys think? Any advice will be appreciated.

[Marc878]

You know what this is cmon. You are putting way too much effort in this for two months.

 

Block her on everything and move on.

 

There's nothing here except more of what you just got and drama you don't need.

 

You can't be that hard up to go pining over this.

[SevenCity]

Something sounds fishy. To me it sounds like there is another guy in the picture.

 

When women are all into you and then go cold there is usually someone else causing them to act that way. They are torn and feel guilty about it but also resent you for not just going away and reading their obscure signals.

 

You did the right thing by backing off and she sounds wildly immature and insecure by the way she texted trying to turn it around on you.

 

Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Some girls are just f'ed up. Best to move on and let her go. Be thankful it was only 2 months and not several years before she pulled this crap.

[SuzieQ98]

My advice is don't get too attached while you still can. She clearly has no clue what she wants and isn't taking you as seriously as you take her. My ex has major anxiety and I overlooked it for two and a half years, always being understanding of his flightiness, his freakouts, and it just got to a point where I was simply his security blanket/doormat. I ended up heartbroken twice by him. I have my own mental health issues, am definitely not the perfect partner, but work on them actively and don't let them get in the way of how I treat those I love/care about. It doesn't seem like she is capable of that at this point in her process, which is okay, just not something you should have to put up with.

 

My break up is only 2 weeks fresh, so I know how painful this is. You will find someone more mature, more consistent and sure of themselves; someone who knows your worth and acts accordingly. I suggest just respectfully walking away and not looking back. Easier said than done. Good luck

[dumbass2]

I know you can have feelings after only a few months so I don't discount how you feel, but this one is not telling you the truth. She doesn't feel like you do towards her. You seem committed but even though she may have said so, her actions clearly show otherwise. I don't think she knows what she wants and is not ready for a committed relationship at least with you. How she has treated you tells you what she thinks of you. Her actions not her words. Do not contact her again and let this one go. If you allow her to just talk her way back at some point, you will lose all respect and she'll think she can just walk all over you. Find someone that wants what you want and isn't so sketchy and don't tolerate disrespectful actions.

[staggerlee71]

This is a tough situation for because you have feelings for this girl. However, you have the ability to decide what you want for yourself, even if she wants space.

 

I'm not going to agree that there is someone else, atleast a new someone else. there are always exes hanging around but from what I read, I don't think that's it. This girl isn't ready to put in the effort for a relationship. She is feeling anxiety because she knows what you want, and she doesn't think she can give it you. this is about her and only her.

 

unfortunately, if YOU choose to accept her terms, lowered expectations are her terms, she will come and go as she pleases and you will be walking on egg shells knowing the clock is always ticking.

 

Your instinct is telling you this is bad, your feelings are telling you do what it takes because you don't want to lose her. I suggest, you tell her exactly what you need from this relationship, and she will comply or breakup. most likely break up because it will feel like pressure. but it isn't pressure, it communication.

 

In a clear state of mind, she is doing you a favor. But your hurt so things are not so clear. She is telling you she has doubts. for whatever reason.

 

many of us have been here before. it doesn't end well if you don't grab the bull by the horns

 

good luck

[ExpatInItaly]

She sounds...not altogether very stable.

 

It also sounds as though she is seeing someone else.

 

I'm very sorry OP. I can see why you are hurt and confused. I would not continue this with her, she is all over the map and clearly not a very honest person.

[Been]

I'd put money on that their is someone else-women don't go from being all into you to all of the sudden cold and distant.

And I think she's unsure of the new person hence why she's keeping some lines of communication open.

Block her. Or in the very least tell her this is what I want and expect and if you can't do it don't talk to me.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. I know I can count on you guys and this board.

 

I'm not going to lie, she is currently in the back of my head and has been all day. Can't stop thinking about her and what has happened. On the plus side, since I've been through this before and have been reading on here for years, I have better control of myself and have not reached out to her in any way, shape, or form and will keep doing so.

 

I know chances are, she will eventually reach out and possibly throw some breadcrumbs along the way. I will not respond to any of that. I know what I want and I am not accepting anything less. If she does not accept that, then at least I'm walking out with my head held high.

 

As you all saw, when she gave the "space" talk, I did not beg nor plead with her. I simply accepted it and said nothing else. She wants space, she's got it.

 

Any other thoughts and advice is appreciated.

[Marc878]

Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. I know I can count on you guys and this board.

 

I'm not going to lie, she is currently in the back of my head and has been all day. Can't stop thinking about her and what has happened. On the plus side, since I've been through this before and have been reading on here for years, I have better control of myself and have not reached out to her in any way, shape, or form and will keep doing so.

 

I know chances are, she will eventually reach out and possibly throw some breadcrumbs along the way. I will not respond to any of that. I know what I want and I am not accepting anything less. If she does not accept that, then at least I'm walking out with my head held high.

 

As you all saw, when she gave the "space" talk, I did not beg nor plead with her. I simply accepted it and said nothing else. She wants space, she's got it.

 

Any other thoughts and advice is appreciated.

 

Nope, you've got this and know exactly what to do. You value yourself which is great. Never settle. Put in your 50% in the relationship and expect 50% in return.

[spiderowl]

I think you've done exactly the right thing. It sounds like she might be in touch with someone else and has become less certain. She is saying she needs space. Unfortunately feelings can change. I am sorry because you feel strongly for her. It is possible I suppose that she just does not want to account for her time and you are asking her to. I don't know. It doesn't sound like you have pressured her in any way. Look after yourself and leave her to resolve her issues. These things are never easy to deal with.

[Goodguy05]

Her throwing blame on u is her projecting her guilt onto u. She's guilty of something. My bet it's another guy or definatly she wants freedom to do as she pleases wth the security of having u to fall back on in the meantime

[Niteranger]

When a girl tells you she "needs space" she doesn't want to see you anymore. She just doesn't have the integrity to tell you the truth. For your own sanity stay away from her.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Hey guys, so it's day 2 since the whole incident happened. Didn't really get a good night's sleep as she's still in the back of my head messing around so to say. I know day by day, that will eventually start to fade.

 

I had a friend of mine hit me up yesterday asking questions. I unfollowed her online so that I wouldn't get any reminders and he calls me concerned as she's putting up a bunch of random birthday statuses saying she was celebrating her birthday this past Saturday night and that she's going to throw a bigger party and is inviting all of her online friends and he was asking what was up with that.

 

I told him of what happened and he was in shock. I was quite a bit in shock too when he told me that...considering her birthday isn't for another month and a half. I was actually in the beginning stages of planning something really special and romantic for her(not some huge party rave) as she actually told me last week that she wanted something small and nice to celebrate with me that weekend. At the end I told him, that in regards to her, please let me be and not inform me of anything. I'm still very upset by this and didn't need more things added. He understood.

 

But what do you guys think? Is she acting out trying to be fake about everything? This is just too weird.

[Goodguy05]

Hey guys, so it's day 2 since the whole incident happened. Didn't really get a good night's sleep as she's still in the back of my head messing around so to say. I know day by day, that will eventually start to fade.

 

I had a friend of mine hit me up yesterday asking questions. I unfollowed her online so that I wouldn't get any reminders and he calls me concerned as she's putting up a bunch of random birthday statuses saying she was celebrating her birthday this past Saturday night and that she's going to throw a bigger party and is inviting all of her online friends and he was asking what was up with that.

 

I told him of what happened and he was in shock. I was quite a bit in shock too when he told me that...considering her birthday isn't for another month and a half. I was actually in the beginning stages of planning something really special and romantic for her(not some huge party rave) as she actually told me last week that she wanted something small and nice to celebrate with me that weekend. At the end I told him, that in regards to her, please let me be and not inform me of anything. I'm still very upset by this and didn't need more things added. He understood.

 

But what do you guys think? Is she acting out trying to be fake about everything? This is just too weird.

 

 

Yes sounds like an act to make u jealous. Or she's trying to show u how well she's moving on. My ex done this still does to some degree. Not sure wat advice to give because sometimes I wish I'd played her stupid game and given it right back at her

[ExpatInItaly]

She sounds like a total weirdo, and attention-seeker.

 

In other words, she wouldn't have been long-term material. She's too immature, me thinks.

[Zahara]

But what do you guys think? Is she acting out trying to be fake about everything? This is just too weird.

 

She sounds manipulative.

 

You're doing everything right in that you're staying away and maintaining zero communication with her.

 

I think her behavior is attention seeking -- and vindictive. If her actions are to poke at you, it is unkind as she has chosen not to include you in her life. I would cut this one loose permanently and start moving on.

[Poutrew]

You totally threw her off her game when you accepted her 'space' request... you flabbergasted her. She was probably expecting you to start crying, begging, pleading for one more chance, and all she got was "Sure. The universe is full of space, take as much of it as you want since it's free...":laugh:

You are doing the right thing, and once the brain chemicals she created in you wear off, you wont even give her another thought. Good job, man!

[Latino4Lyfe]

You totally threw her off her game when you accepted her 'space' request... you flabbergasted her. She was probably expecting you to start crying, begging, pleading for one more chance, and all she got was "Sure. The universe is full of space, take as much of it as you want since it's free...":laugh:

You are doing the right thing, and once the brain chemicals she created in you wear off, you wont even give her another thought. Good job, man!

 

That's what a lot of people have been telling me lol. A lot are also saying that since I did that, she will most likely attempt to contact me. For me though, I meant what I said. I am not putting up with nonsense, not anymore. She either wants to be with me or she doesn't. She wants "space", ok have at it. If she is legitimately going through these issues and is so depressed then I hope she gets it resolved just like with anyone going through something. Now if she's just BSing and just wants to be an online attention wh**e and do whatever then that's on her. I have far more important things to do in life.

 

I set myself on a very good path as most here have seen, and I'm sticking to it. I know my worth, and I know what I can offer and provide and not to sound cocky or arrogant or whatever but the value is pretty high. I'm not lessening myself for anyone.

[BluesPower]

That's what a lot of people have been telling me lol. A lot are also saying that since I did that, she will most likely attempt to contact me. For me though, I meant what I said. I am not putting up with nonsense, not anymore. She either wants to be with me or she doesn't. She wants "space", ok have at it. If she is legitimately going through these issues and is so depressed then I hope she gets it resolved just like with anyone going through something. Now if she's just BSing and just wants to be an online attention wh**e and do whatever then that's on her. I have far more important things to do in life.

 

I set myself on a very good path as most here have seen, and I'm sticking to it. I know my worth, and I know what I can offer and provide and not to sound cocky or arrogant or whatever but the value is pretty high. I'm not lessening myself for anyone.

 

Good for you...

 

So many men, young men especially, don't seem to understand this, and they end up putting up with stuff that no one ever should.

[frigginlost]

That's what a lot of people have been telling me lol. A lot are also saying that since I did that, she will most likely attempt to contact me. For me though, I meant what I said. I am not putting up with nonsense, not anymore. She either wants to be with me or she doesn't. She wants "space", ok have at it. If she is legitimately going through these issues and is so depressed then I hope she gets it resolved just like with anyone going through something. Now if she's just BSing and just wants to be an online attention wh**e and do whatever then that's on her. I have far more important things to do in life.

 

I set myself on a very good path as most here have seen, and I'm sticking to it. I know my worth, and I know what I can offer and provide and not to sound cocky or arrogant or whatever but the value is pretty high. I'm not lessening myself for anyone.

 

Good on you!

 

No woman that walks this earth is worth the BS that girl is pulling. She does not sound stable at all and probably surrounds herself with enablers. Hold your ground. She probably is not used to someone who values their own self shoving it right back in her face by ignoring her.

 

Well done.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Just received my first breadcrumb from her...She sent me a "Have a good day" text.

 

I just deleted it and kept it moving. I am not giving in to that so she can ease her guilt.

[Zahara]

Just received my first breadcrumb from her...She sent me a "Have a good day" text.

 

I just deleted it and kept it moving. I am not giving in to that so she can ease her guilt.

 

Attention seeking for sure. When you pay her attention, she's all over the place. When she realizes you're pulling away, she tries to reel you back in. She's looking for an ego boost. Don't give it to her. She sounds like someone who thrives on playing games.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Attention seeking for sure. When you pay her attention, she's all over the place. When she realizes you're pulling away, she tries to reel you back in. She's looking for an ego boost. Don't give it to her. She sounds like someone who thrives on playing games.

 

Exactly! and I'm not in the mood for games. If I want to play games, I have a Playstation 4 at my house or I can go outside and play a sport or something...you guys get the idea lol.

[Zahara]

Exactly! and I'm not in the mood for games. If I want to play games, I have a Playstation 4 at my house or I can go outside and play a sport or something...you guys get the idea lol.

 

I have a feeling she'll likely guilt you at some point -- why are you ignoring me, what's going on with you, etc. If she can't get you to respond, she'll try a variety of ways to get you to react.

 

This one you should permanently delete.