don't think I'm ever gonna get over her

[esm22]

Don't even know where to start with this post. Basically I truly believe that I have found my soulmate but our relationship got too complicated and she broke up with me two months ago. Sorry this is going to be kind of long.

 

First, here is why I believe she is my soulmate: We have been on and off since high school, and were best friends even when we weren't hooking up. Our connection was intense from the beginning, and we have gone through so much **** together and we know each other so well it's scary. At first I wasn't very "in love" with her, but I knew that I really appreciated her friendship and enjoyed hooking up with her a lot but didn't want to be in a relationship in high school. During this time, she was head over heels for me and I hurt her a lot in our high school years which I regret deeply. I never wanted to commit or get too close, but we ended up always getting back together even when we decided not to date again. At this point, I absolutely took our relationship for granted and didn't realize how deep my love was for her. It wasn't until college that I realized that I was madly in love with her.

 

Second, our relationship for the past year: We decided not to be together our freshman year of college, as I was still in the mindset that we were too young and should explore other options. She was upset about this and I broke her heart because all she wanted was to be with me and make it work. I had flings with various girls throughout my freshman year, but as time went by I realized how stupid I was for not realizing how real our connection was. When freshman year was over, we rekindled over the summer and decided to be in an exclusive relationship for the first time. It was incredible at first, and it seemed like every day I feel deeper in love with her. When school came around we gave long distance a shot and although it was hard at first, I ended up being way more invested than I had ever thought I could be with another person. It's hard to describe our relationship because our connection runs so deep its indescribable. She visited me a few times first semester and it was all good, until second semester came around. Slowly I noticed her pulling away from me more often and being pessimistic about our future together. It didn't bother me to think of our future because I had so much faith in our relationship, but it really bothered her and she began to say things like "we're so young and we aren't going to be together forever." Fair, but it hurt to hear her say things like this (I'm aware I have said the same things to her in the past, and I'm now realizing the intense pain that I caused her back in high school. I know it was very ****ty.) Spring break came around and we met up but she didn't seem very excited to see me, and I could tell there was something on her mind. She told me that she didn't want to be with me over the summer because she was going to stay where she goes to school and couldn't do long distance anymore. She told me that she would always love me and didn't want to be with anyone else but me and that brought me some comfort knowing that I wasn't the only one still in love. However, recent events have made me think differently about the nice things she said to me during our breakup. A couple weeks ago I found out she has been talking to and hooking up with an old flame of hers from her freshman year of college. This girl has been in her friend group for a while and while I was always wary of her, my girlfriend would always tell me that she has no feelings for her and that there was no comparison between me and her. I've been feeling really hurt and confused because I was just not ready at all to see her already moving on. I've been rethinking all of the conversations that we had when we were breaking up, and I find it hard to believe that she still loves me. And the thing that sucks is that I'm still so in love with her and cannot even imagine being with anyone else. I randomly break down crying and have fits of anger. I keep trying to tell myself that our relationship wasn't a lie but it's so hard to not reassess the whole relationship and what everything really meant. She's my best friend, and I can't handle losing her like this.

 

So, what I'm trying to say is, will I ever get over her? Are we meant to be together? Or should I just move on? Any words of wisdom will help. It's hard to find someone to talk to because I typically just talk to her about everything, but now I can't

[Blanco]

Soulmates aren't really a thing.

 

There are a lot of people out there that we'd work magnificently in a relationship with. They can be really tough to find, and we'll never meet most of them, but they are out there.

 

Lose this thought process that there is one, and only one, person out there for you, and you'll find it a bit easier to let go with time.

[preraph]

There are a lot of people you can love but not be with for any number of reasons. No, you are not meant to be together. You have to stop looking for a magical underlayer and just look at what it is. She left you, so you're not meant to be together. People mature and change friends and grow apart sometimes. No way to know if she'll ever circle back around, but you'd be a fool to wait for that since you already know it's not right for her or what she wants as bad as you do. You'll have to accept it and stop focusing on her and stay social and busy until you stop dwelling on it. I'm sorry for your pain.

[Timpye]

If I can give you one piece of advice dude it would be the one I have never managed to follow the one that always makes the recovery process 10x as long.

 

Never ever ever, check up on her social media, or phone to see if she has messaged you. If you find it tough you can give your self mini goals (eg: go 1 week then you can have 1 look, slowly extend to 2 weeks, a month etc). You really need to find a way to let go for yourself, if you are to reconcile this is probably the best way to go about it too because you want become a weak, needy, vulnerable mess. All the best buddy, i'm fighting the same battle with you now! we got this

[Been]

It takes awhile sometimes to get over someone. You feel like you've been crushed and you'll never be the same.

But you will heal. I know right now you can't see that but trust me you will.

First you cannot have any contact with her-and DONT do the friends thing.

And when I say no contact NO CONTACT-no social media. No text. No LAST conversation.

And don't make an excuse to get closure. She made a decision so let her live with it. And that means you can't be a part of her life right now.

Pick something you've always wanted to do or accomplish and do it.

[esm22]

Hi everyone. I made a post a few months ago when I was having a REALLY hard time accepting me and my ex girlfriend's break up. Since then I've gone back to school and started exploring other options and people and it has helped a lot. However, it's really hard to accept that my ex is already with someone new. I know that doesn't mean that our relationship didn't matter or anything, and we've even talked about that recently, but I'm so obsessed with constantly checking up on the status of their relationship. It's not even that I want to get back together with her because our relationship was complicated and long distance. But every night I dream of her and it brings me back to feeling upset, unwanted, and unloved. This girl was my best friend in high-school (and we still consider ourselves best friends), and we explored our sexuality together in a way that no one else could understand for a long time especially when we were teenagers (two girls). Our relationship was so meaningful and I'll never forget about it. I've accepted that maybe we're not meant to be together in a romantic sense, but I truly believe that our friendship will last for a long time even when we're in a rough patch. Now, I just need to fully move on and stop dreading the next post on social media. Anyone else dealt with this? I've really been doing better and accepting the reality of the situation, I just feel like this is one of the last things I need to come to terms with. Any words of wisdom will help. Thank you

[esm22]

Hi guys. So a little backstory, me and my ex girlfriend were pretty much on and off from the time we were in high school up until our sophomore year of college. We tried to do long distance last year but ended up not working out well and we decided it would be best to focus on what is in front of us at school. It was really difficult to make trips to see each other as we were in two completely different parts of the country. I've done a lot of healing in the past seven months, but she is officially seeing someone new and it can drive me crazy sometimes. I've tried the whole deleting her off of social media and everything but that made me just ruminate even more about what their relationship is like and what she's doing because I didn't have anything to prove me wrong or right (not sure if that makes sense). Honestly, they seem really happy and it makes me glad to see that she's having fun with someone new. But, we were each other's first loves and have a very long history which makes it even harder to move on. I know it sounds dramatic because we are only 20 years old, but I always think about the "what ifs" like if they'll end up spending the rest of their lives together, and it just makes me super jealous and angry that this new girl has my ex all to herself. I've been trying to see new people but I've been **** out of luck pretty much, and I feel like she has "won" the break up in a sense. I know it's normal to feel like this but it's really helpful to hear what other people's experiences are. How can I stop ruminating so much about the future as I have no way of controlling it? How can I officially move on? Thanks guys.

[CC12]

How can I officially move on?

 

Stop following her on social media. Watching what she's doing with her life is likely holding you back from moving on.

 

Replace your habit of checking in on her with something else. Every time you find yourself wanting to do that, go for a run, do some push ups, read a Wikipedia article instead. Or whatever. Just distract yourself and keep at it until you're not thinking about her so much anymore.

[d0nnivain]

You have to delete her from social media. There is no need to torture yourself.

 

When you find yourself thinking about her, say to yourself, It's over. She's with somebody else. It's time for me to find my own happiness.

Then do just that. Enjoy your own life & stop fretting about what was.

[Jdoublenn]

I agree. Delete and block her on social media so you cant readily click her name and find her. Or it wont show up in your newsfeed. Sure, you can easily unblock and look but tht takes more time.. and thats where you need to distract yourself from going that extra mile to check her stuff. Is only hurting you more to see what shes doing, so stop looking.