Second guessing on whether I should remain friends with my ex...

[BlueIvy]

I will try to make this condensed, but I dated a much older man for nearly 4 years, I am in my 20s and he is in his 50s. I even lived with him for nearly a year. I moved out like 8 months ago and a few months after, we still did act like bf and gf for a few months after but the relationship was pretty much over because we both realized no future, although we discussed marriage but in a fantastical way. I consider him to be my first love...

 

Anyway, he ended up in a long distance relationship which was surprising because he always told me he doesn't see them as "real relationships." He got with someone his age.

 

I on the other hand had a fling with someone else.

 

Anyway, anytime I asked how his girlfriend is doing he would always say, "How am I suppose to know, she lives a thousand miles away."

 

Anyway, once I saw this was an actual relationship I tried to return his house key and he called me upset saying, "Are you trying to hurt me? Why are you returning the key after all this time, why now? What if I need to get in the house...I thought we both agreed anytime you needed to get away from home, you can come here." I replied, "Your daughter and friend have a spare key." He basically refused his key so I left it alone.

 

But a few weeks later, he told me his new gf came over for the weekend. I finally returned his key to which he replied, 'Does this mean you're not gonna see me again...And he asked me why I am returning his house key."

 

Moments later, I told him I had sex with another man to which he got mad and then walked off and said, "I can't listen to this." I replied, "If I can listen to your relationship details, you should listen to mine." He then texted me that he was happy I moved on. B.S. because later on he told he knew I made it up and that if in fact I had sex with someone else,he never wants to see me again.

 

 

This week, he asked me to house sit while he is out of town and offered money. (He only lives 10 mins away from me) I begrudgingly said yes.

 

 

I kinda feel he has one foot in, one foot out..He took me out on Valentine's day, brought me back a fancy mirror and necklace from his vacation. Asks me for kisses on his cheeks (I decline). Always saying how beautiful I am...all this even though he is in a relationship. Even hinted that he wants a birthday present from me. (And no, we aren't having sex and he isn't trying to bed me, his member has gone downhill) Tells me if it wasn't for our age difference he would marry me but that it wouldn't be fair because I would be a young widow. Says he is the victim in this because, "I had to give up a young beautiful woman who loved me unconditionally." And how, "You're young, you're going to fall in love a bunch of times."

 

And it's like I am trying to move on you know but it seems he doesn't want to let me go fully. And why I stay friends because I still want him in my life. While I still care for him, I accept the break up and hope that he's happy. At the same time, I feel how can we fully let go when we still communicate. I also don't think it's fair to her. I don't think he loves her though because he told me that he was desperate and didn't want to be lonely..and that he got someone who he knew wouldn't hurt him. He says he wants me to be with someone younger but if I talk about other men, he says I am trying to just hurt him.

 

Anyway, I am not trying to play innocent or anything. But I am thinking maybe we should go cold turkey for a few months because even though we broke up, we never had a period of No contact.

[preraph]

You should do whatever it takes to make you feel most like moving forward. If you have to explain that to him, do so. I suggest at a bare minimum, you put a lot of distance between you and not let him rely on you and vice versa because having a dependent ex will not play well in any future relationship either of you have.