Ex Threatening suicide

[carsrcool]

Been a while since I have been on here. Hope you are all doing well! I typed up a wall of text about how and why I ended the relationship but I have summarized most of it into bullet points so I will try to keep it to the point. Mind you I am mentioning the bad stuff in the relationship. There was a lot of good things in the relationship too but there were issues towards the end. If you need any clarification, let me know.

 

Main points of relationship and what happened towards the end:

• I broke up with my now Ex-GF of almost 3 years in Nov. '16 (We are 26 y/o).
  
• The first year, she was closeby due to College but once she graduated, she was a 40 minute drive away without traffic.
  
• Rarely had times where we wouldn't talk to each other within 24 hours apart. She would complain about communication frequently and really late causing me to not get enough sleep
  
• Visited each other at a minimum of 2 weekends per month. It was 50/50 at first but towards the last 6 months, I was going over 80% of the time.
  
• Mentioned that she will end it if I vote for [Political Candidate], didn't tell her who I voted for.
  
• During the second year, there was one time where she displayed being unsupportive of me being an entrepreneur claiming the relationship will not work if we can't see each other every weekend. This was due to her changing plans near last minute which I couldn't follow through with.
  
• We had a long fight but made up a few days before my birthday. She put little thought in the present she gave (yes, that day since she was unsure if she would attend my birthday) and honestly treated me poorly prior to making up. I was ready to end it then.
  
• Night before my birthday, my brother takes me out to a bar with some friends. She mentioned that she is unsure if she will be coming over the night before or coming the day of my birthday as it's her time of the month and she isn't very comfortable during that time. So I sent her all the information of where I am currently located in case she wanted to come. The conversation as followed:
  

Her: Are you at the bar?

Me: Currently at [bar Name] in [Address], we've been here before

Her: [bar name]? Ok well since you're out of the house and won't be back for a while. Would you like me to come over tomorrow instead? Let me know. Please don't feel rushed. Don't want to stress you out.

Don't know why she said this but I responded in about 5 minutes

Me: Not a problem if you want to stay home since you would feel more comfortable there. Come tomorrow then

However, if you want to come, just let me know and I'll try to update you with my location

Her: No forget it, thanks for the late update.

I got thrown off as everything seemed fine and it's not like I was ignoring her. She sends a message 10 minutes later.

Her: Something came up, not gonna make it tomorrow

Me: ?? What happened? Everything okay?

Her: Nothing happened but everything is not ok. If you want to talk about it I'll be here.

 

That message angered me. I reviewed all of our messages over and over trying to understand what went wrong but couldn't see it. Showed it to a few friends and they honestly don't understand why she was upset. So I put my phone on silent and enjoyed the rest of the night. Phone was dead when I got home so I plugged it in and fell asleep. Woke up to 40+ missed calls and a lot of messages on instant messenger. The last message saying that if I am going to ignore her, she would be coming over now (15 minutes prior to me waking up). At this point, I was ready to end it.

 

Texted her to meet me at a restaurant. Once she showed up, it was clear she was angry which I didn't care about anymore. She explained that she was upset due to the fact that she may have to be driving around trying to find us to which I explained we would have waited if you were getting close-by. Regardless, I ended it there and she cried and wasn't expecting me to break up. I explained my reasoning and eventually told her I need to go home. She requested to stay with me for the day because she didn't want to go home to see her family as a few of her family members cause a lot of drama. After an hour of talking about this, I gave in and let her stay at my house for the rest of the day. So for my birthday, I babysat her. She stayed the night since it was 2:00am when she was ready to go home and my family and I agreed it's too late to drive home at that time since she could fall asleep. When we woke up, talked about how we can still talk but I need my space for some time so I can think everything over. We said our goodbyes and she left.

 

Post Breakup:

• She would message me every now and then but I couldn't bring myself to responding. I just felt nervous.
  
• For the next 3 months, Dec-Feb, She would have stopped by 3-5 times unannounced. She claims to still love me unconditionally and wants me back.
  
• I felt lonely and went on a dating site, she saw me via friend's profile and confronted me during the times she would have come over. Claims to have attempted suicide
  
• Now talking with my friends about us to see I guess see if we will get back together or how I feel. (I mentioned she is more than welcome to go online to play video games with them so my error there)
  
• Finally had a break after the month of February where I didn't see her but she recently showed up talking about how she needs to talk and it's really important. **
  

 

** She needed more answers or closure I presume. We talked for 3 hours and I had her spend the night because it was 3:00 am and she was falling asleep. She mentioned that she was planning on taking some pills to end it when she got home and I made her promise me that she won't. Yesterday, she mentioned how she's sorry that she's going to have to break the promise. Basically hinting towards the fact that she's going to do it since her dad told her she should because of some BS reason. I began to freak out and successfully calmed her down. She claims she threw away the pills but I doubt she flushed them down the toilet. She said the only reason why she's still going is because of me. She doesn't care for anything else, not her family or friends, just me. She's claiming that maybe after a year that we could rekindle and go back to dating.

 

I do care for her and don't want her to harm herself any way but I feel like I am being threatened by her suicide if I won't be friends with her and there's no way I am going to date her again from what has been happening. Are there any suggestions on what I can do in this situation without pushing her over the edge?

[BlueIvy]

As a woman, I say go No contact with her. She sounds manipulative. I would forward her a help hotline and then cut her off for good. She isn't your responsibility. Perhaps tell her parents as well. She is trying to guilt you into being with her again. She sounds toxic.

 

Don't even say you plan on not contacting her anymore, just send her a link and keep it moving.

[whatnot]

we cannot assume the responsibility of another's actions..it will destroy us emotionally, mentally and physically

 

I've been where you are. the responsibility of whether another person lives or dies...when you have no control over that...it made me , after a while , question my own reality. I would take off work to keep her from killing herself. it felt as if i was the only one on earth that bore that bore that responsibility.. a few months of that, pretty much daily, was one of the most stressful things I've ever been through.

 

 

And trust me when i say, I've been through some stressful things.

 

don't swim too far from shore

[mightycpa]

Tell her parents, tell them you don't know if it is manipulation or serious, but you thought they should know, just in case.

 

Then make like a ghost and ghost.

[whichwayisup]

Do you know any of her friends? Let one know what has gone on and that you're concerned about her mental health. Or even her parents. She needs help and the only way for her to get that is to be assessed by a professional or a 72 hour old since she's saying she's suicidal.

 

Let's hope she's just being manipulative (less of the two evils) and not really planning on ending her life. Either way it has to stop, so if there's a next time and she's with you or on the phone with you, call 911 and let someone in the medical field take over and get her help.

 

She's wrapped her whole being and self worth into you and that's unhealthy.

[basil67]

Yes, tell her parents and/or friends. If you can't contact them, let the police know that she's been making suicide threats. When you've handed over the baton, move out of her life. You should never stay in contact with someone who uses manipulation tactics like this.

[todreaminblue]

inform the family or her closest friends do nto stay because she threatens suicide that threat is a reason you should go and not stay...she needs professional help and talk to her family about that..do not say goodbye or anything like that ....allow her family ro ehr support network to tell her....goodbye from you and give your hopes that she gets better.........good luck..deb.......

[Goodguy05]

Been a while since I have been on here. Hope you are all doing well! I typed up a wall of text about how and why I ended the relationship but I have summarized most of it into bullet points so I will try to keep it to the point. Mind you I am mentioning the bad stuff in the relationship. There was a lot of good things in the relationship too but there were issues towards the end. If you need any clarification, let me know.

 

Main points of relationship and what happened towards the end:

• I broke up with my now Ex-GF of almost 3 years in Nov. '16 (We are 26 y/o).
  
• The first year, she was closeby due to College but once she graduated, she was a 40 minute drive away without traffic.
  
• Rarely had times where we wouldn't talk to each other within 24 hours apart. She would complain about communication frequently and really late causing me to not get enough sleep
  
• Visited each other at a minimum of 2 weekends per month. It was 50/50 at first but towards the last 6 months, I was going over 80% of the time.
  
• Mentioned that she will end it if I vote for [Political Candidate], didn't tell her who I voted for.
  
• During the second year, there was one time where she displayed being unsupportive of me being an entrepreneur claiming the relationship will not work if we can't see each other every weekend. This was due to her changing plans near last minute which I couldn't follow through with.
  
• We had a long fight but made up a few days before my birthday. She put little thought in the present she gave (yes, that day since she was unsure if she would attend my birthday) and honestly treated me poorly prior to making up. I was ready to end it then.
  
• Night before my birthday, my brother takes me out to a bar with some friends. She mentioned that she is unsure if she will be coming over the night before or coming the day of my birthday as it's her time of the month and she isn't very comfortable during that time. So I sent her all the information of where I am currently located in case she wanted to come. The conversation as followed:
  

 

That message angered me. I reviewed all of our messages over and over trying to understand what went wrong but couldn't see it. Showed it to a few friends and they honestly don't understand why she was upset. So I put my phone on silent and enjoyed the rest of the night. Phone was dead when I got home so I plugged it in and fell asleep. Woke up to 40+ missed calls and a lot of messages on instant messenger. The last message saying that if I am going to ignore her, she would be coming over now (15 minutes prior to me waking up). At this point, I was ready to end it.

 

Texted her to meet me at a restaurant. Once she showed up, it was clear she was angry which I didn't care about anymore. She explained that she was upset due to the fact that she may have to be driving around trying to find us to which I explained we would have waited if you were getting close-by. Regardless, I ended it there and she cried and wasn't expecting me to break up. I explained my reasoning and eventually told her I need to go home. She requested to stay with me for the day because she didn't want to go home to see her family as a few of her family members cause a lot of drama. After an hour of talking about this, I gave in and let her stay at my house for the rest of the day. So for my birthday, I babysat her. She stayed the night since it was 2:00am when she was ready to go home and my family and I agreed it's too late to drive home at that time since she could fall asleep. When we woke up, talked about how we can still talk but I need my space for some time so I can think everything over. We said our goodbyes and she left.

 

Post Breakup:

• She would message me every now and then but I couldn't bring myself to responding. I just felt nervous.
  
• For the next 3 months, Dec-Feb, She would have stopped by 3-5 times unannounced. She claims to still love me unconditionally and wants me back.
  
• I felt lonely and went on a dating site, she saw me via friend's profile and confronted me during the times she would have come over. Claims to have attempted suicide
  
• Now talking with my friends about us to see I guess see if we will get back together or how I feel. (I mentioned she is more than welcome to go online to play video games with them so my error there)
  
• Finally had a break after the month of February where I didn't see her but she recently showed up talking about how she needs to talk and it's really important. **
  

 

** She needed more answers or closure I presume. We talked for 3 hours and I had her spend the night because it was 3:00 am and she was falling asleep. She mentioned that she was planning on taking some pills to end it when she got home and I made her promise me that she won't. Yesterday, she mentioned how she's sorry that she's going to have to break the promise. Basically hinting towards the fact that she's going to do it since her dad told her she should because of some BS reason. I began to freak out and successfully calmed her down. She claims she threw away the pills but I doubt she flushed them down the toilet. She said the only reason why she's still going is because of me. She doesn't care for anything else, not her family or friends, just me. She's claiming that maybe after a year that we could rekindle and go back to dating.

 

I do care for her and don't want her to harm herself any way but I feel like I am being threatened by her suicide if I won't be friends with her and there's no way I am going to date her again from what has been happening. Are there any suggestions on what I can do in this situation without pushing her over the edge?

 

 

She's being manipulative like my ex...my ex did something similar but wthout the suicide part moved in wth my sister and then moved interstate in the same company to be wth me fo4cing me back in to the relationship but then mths later dumped me wen she had other options. Don't buy into this woman's manipulative ways ur not responsible for her actions shld she choose that option.

 

I agree wth the other poster on here pass the baton onto someone else and get ureself out of the picture for ur own sanity.

Edited May 27, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Whodatdog]

As everyone has said, no contact is the best option here, especially after all this time. If she calls and threatens suicide again, call 911 and have them go check on her. She likely wont do it again.

[preraph]

This is one huge reason why you should block her and not watch her social media and not let her watch yours or contact you. She's trying suicide blackmail to force you to keep giving her attention.

 

But let's assume she is serious. There is only one thing to do whether a person is serious or not if they're threatening suicide, and that is to immediately call the police.

 

If they were really suicidal, this is how they will be forced to get help. If they are just wanting attention and manipulating you, they will know that's going to get them into serious trouble.

 

So please, call the police and stop pussyfooting around with her. She's unstable, whether she's really suicidal or not so you can't take half-measures. Then block her every way you can. Her family are who needs to deal with her, and the police.