He dumped me, so why is he being so insensitive?

[goldleo]

Okay, so this is my first post. It's a bit long-winded but here's a little bit of backstory:

 

There was an immediate connection between myself and my ex and things got serious really quickly even though it was impractical as he was just going off to university and I had started a job. We made it work as I would see him on the weekends and go up to visit on a midweek evening. This was not ideal but we were crazy about each other and made it work. He was very fun and generous and we would go on all sorts of fun dates etc.

 

Fast forward a year and I am at University too but things aren't quite the same. Still having 70% good times but he has a bad habit of ignoring me at social functions with mutual friends and isn't making too much of an effort, it is mostly me arranging to see him, making the effort etc. We still go on dates but not as much as before. He is working every weekend and is so busy with his law degree that he is unable to prioritise me.

 

Another year later and he barely makes any effort at all, has become extremely critical of me and we haven't been on a date for pretty much the whole university year. He is getting increasingly disinterested until he asks for a break just before exams citing that our relationship is so routine and he can't guarantee he will have time for me when he starts his intensive law training and doesn't want to string me along (but tells me with quite some force of opinion that despite this break he knows it sounds silly to say but I am the one he will marry), then a day later changes his mind and is a total crying mess and wants me back. He says he was talking to his dad who said if it is meant to be it will be. Then he breaks up with me via text a few weeks later saying I deserve better than him, but first asked if we could still date which I obviously declined (we have been together 2.5 years at this point).

 

So obviously at first I was devastated as I thought he was the one (first love). With hindsight I am able to say that there were many red flags I ignored throughout the relationship and was essentially a doormat, so I don't want him back I just want to move on and be amicable.

 

So here's the thing: at first I was very angry at the way he handled the breakup so told him I didn't want to be friends despite him saying he wanted to. With a few weeks out the way, I thought no we have a lot of mutual friends, best to keep it amicable so sent a nice text. He tried calling but I wasn't able to pick the phone up so apologised over text and he never bothered to contact again.

 

The first time I saw him after that was at a mutual gathering where I pretty much ignored him as I felt sick, it was only a month later and I was still struggling. Apparently he kept looking over at me though, I thought I will leave it to him to say hello as I already reached out and since he dumped me I think it's up to him - he didn't bother saying hello.

 

Mutual friends told me that he brought the new girl and his sister to an event and they were all (including the girl!) referring to her as 'side bitch'.

 

I look at his Instagram to find that he has been over the course of 2 months making little hints about a potential new girlfriend taking photos of like a blurry outline of a girl or little hinting captions until the big reveal of the new girlfriend in bed with him - it's very childish. Basically, they work together and appear to have started dating within a week (I hope there was no overlap). I then blocked him on every social media site because I thought this was a very insensitive thing to do since he was the one that dumped me and it is healthier for me not to look!

 

A week later I went to the pub with some of our mutual friends who go every week to the pub quiz (the ex's dad also has a team and definitely saw me there). Low and behold a week later he's brought the new girlfriend with him to the pub quiz without telling anyone he was going (most of our mutual friends feel he treated me badly and are annoyed that he is rubbing this new relationship in my face, also they are not super close with him and he has probably been to pub quiz once in his life before this)! I had a bad feeling and decided not to go and I am so glad I did as that would have been a nasty shock.

 

My point is since he was the one that broke up with me, why does he feel the need to rub this in? He barely posted photos or updates when he was with me even in the beginning when we were crazy about each other. Also, how does someone go from being sure you are the one they will marry to getting a new girlfriend within the week? Like I understand that he was obviously just saying that but why on earth would you say it if you don't mean it!!

 

I would just like a little advice on where to go from here as there will be a period of three weeks where we have to work in the same office in about a month's time, and I am concerned he is introducing this new girl to everyone so she can help out (our office runs heavily off volunteers) and it will again get shoved in my face.

 

Surely if you dump someone you have nothing to prove and would want to keep a new relationship quiet for a bit so you don't hurt their feelings? I know he has every right to date as he is single and I am not bothered about this as obviously he and I just weren't right for each other in the end, just why splash it about all over the place!

 

Sorry for the long winded post I am just a bit frustrated and really thought he cared about me at least enough to want me not to be any more upset about the breakup than I was. Obviously not but why are people like this ugggghhhhh!!!

[William]

Moderator bump due to auto-moderation of the original post.

[d0nnivain]

He's living his life but you have your nose pressed up against the window of his life & are not paying enough attention to your own life.

 

 

The mutual friends thing is tough but I suggest you fade from people you met through him. Make your own circle. Unfriend him & unfollow him on ALL social media. If you stop looking at his instagram & showing up where he is, you won't know about the new GF. You really don't need a front row seat to this.

 

 

Do your own thing. Concentrate on your studies & get back out there once you have had a chance to heal.