Hard break up after a parents death.. !

[Cmenna]

This is my first time posting, and I am really just looking for support and advice. sorry for the long post

 

I will with my, now ex, for 2 years, we are 20 now, and despite being young had a very mature and healthy relationship. We were able to deal with tough times in our life together and make big decisions together. We were very loyal and open to each other, were close with each others families, very happy, and in love. He always promised to never leave me despite the hardships that come our way. About 7 months ago his mother unexpectedly passed away, I was there with him through it all. Due to the timing and him leaving for college to play Division 1 basketball, he never really grieved and worked through it.

 

The last month of us dating got a little more difficult as his my anxiety and his stress built up and we argued more often, we never stopped being in love and taking care of each other. A month ago though, he broke up with me randomly while I was home from school. He said that I had been mean to him and taking my stress out on him, but he loved me and if it was meant to be it would work out, he said he needed me to get better.

 

I was a mess, and within the month of being broken up he has become completely different. He is partying and blacking out drunk, ignoring me, and being hurtful. Some days he contacts me, talks to me like normal, and apologizes. He has since told me he is struggling with his grief and needs to fix himself alone. I try to go no contact with him, but he will text me after a few days and be nice. Sometimes we fight, and i try to tell him how different he is acting and how much he is hurting me, but it seems as though he doest realize it. He gets upset at the quotes I retweet on twitter about moving on from people that don't care. He gets mad when I say he doesn't love me, and one day freaked out saying I was giving up on him. I am just quiet confused and am so sad, he really was the man I thought I would marry and I cannot stop being upset.

[d0nnivain]

Many relationships do not survive the transition from high school to college. Yours had other complicating factors including his mom's passing. That said as a star athlete now he's being treated differently. He's doing the party thing at college while you are the HS GF. It sounds like he still uses you as an anchor to remind him he's not as amazing as some of the fans proclaim but he's still interested in being a party boy for now.

[Whodatdog]

I know you think you had a very mature relationship, but when you are in your teens, you dont even know who you are. The person you are at 18 is totally different from who you will be at 25. You are still evolving. Obviously your ex is still finding himself, and may not want to actually settle down with someone for several years, if even then.

[preraph]

He's going to join the culture that being a basketball player comes with, and that's usually not good for a relationship. He wanted to be free for that, but at the same time, he would like to be able to cleave to you without obligation because you are familiar and of course his mother being gone probably magnifies him doing that as well as drinking, but he'd be doing it anyway because that's college sports.

 

You shouldn't go out of your comfort zone for him. You need to date other people because that is what he is going to do and much more. Those college clubs of any type just come with the expectation of keeping up with everyone else partying and drinking. No way he's going to behave himself.

 

I know this is hard for you, but your best bet here is to not just let him take whatever little piece of you he wants to retain but to move on with your own life and maintain your dignity. Compromising your standards to accommodate this will only make him lose respect for you. So don't do that.

[Cmenna]

Hey! sorry in advanced for the long post, I am really struggling and looking for others advice and experience.

 

My ex boyfriend and I our 19 and 20 years old and were together for 2 years. Though we are young we have always been in a very mature, honest, and happy relationship and very much in love. We were very involved with each others families and had many plans for the future and marrying and such. We go to the same college though he is a year younger than me, and he plays on a full ride division 1 basketball. This school year he stayed at my apartment most of the time, and it worked well. We were able to spend time apart with work, school, families, basketball, and friends. We had little fights, about money and stupid things, but were always able to communicate and work through things well.

In august 2016, his mother died suddenly after a 2 week battle with an illness. I stayed with him and his family the entire time in the hospital, was there when she died, and helped in planning the funeral and getting him ready to go off to college just a week after her death. He did avoid the grief and never really talked about it until a video the school did In February.

 

After the video of his mother came out, he got more depressed, withdrawn, upset about his mother and we began fighting due to our own stress and issues. A few weeks later I went home for the week and he broke up with me. We were so close and very healthy and mature relationship, so it was odd the breakup, no one saw it coming. He told me I was taking my stress out on him, was struggling with my mental health, and needed to get better, and said i was hurting him. He cried when he broke up with me but continued to tell me he loves me and if it is meant to be it will be. I worked on myself, and when I saw him to drop some of his clothes off he told me he was struggling with grief, not okay, and needed to get better, he said he loved me and gave me a kiss.

Since the break up he started drinking out of control to numb the pain, refusing to go to therapy, and suddenly dropped classes and changed his major, his dad, family, and friends keep contacting me worried about him and telling me they didn't think the breakup was about me. For the first month of the break up we fought some, he would forgive me, we would talk normally sometimes, but every time I went NC, he wold contact me like normal after a few days.

5 weeks after the breakup, he asked me to come visit his mothers grave site with him, after a big fight i was surprised he was talking to me. He held me and apologized for how he was acting, told me he loves me, was not going anywhere, he just needed space to work things out because he was not okay.

 

Just looking for advice it is just confusing, I love him so much and am worried about him and just want him back