LOST AND LONELY..need guidance

[tommy_tgz]

Hi guys,

 

I'm going through a rough time here and need help. My breakup with my ex ended back in December, but initially I handled it well. I felt free and had grown tired of our constant fights that proved to us we were both not compatible. I really did love her and saw myself with her because she checked almost all the boxes. She's the hottest girl I ever dated, finished law school, came from a good family, and was loyal. Why the hell couldn't we work out?!? I am beating myself up constantly about this every day and I have little hope that I can find another girl that would make me feel the way she did, even though I know its my low self esteem and breakup recovery phase causing this.

 

2 weeks ago I saw her post pics of her new man and going on vacation. I felt sick to my stomach and all the memories of us together came rushing back. I thought to myself "why couldn't I have made it work one more time?" or "why couldn't that have been me?". Strange that just months ago I was relieved to be single and move in a new direction. Seeing her move on fast while I'm here broken and with no one to love and receive love makes life so difficult.

 

I broke NC and told her that I still had feelings for her and wanted to make things work if she still felt the same. BIG MISTAKE. She texted me back that she knows we both made mistakes that caused resentment, but there were things I did that she couldn't completely let go. She says she's very happy and has moved on and wished me the same. I got the closure I wanted, but it was painful nonetheless.

 

I spent last weekend in Vegas with friends and they gave me support but I could not forget about her. Plenty of girls around me and all I still saw was her and comparing every girl to her. My mind just can't take her off the pedestal. I blame myself for the **** ups in the relationship and losing my temper with her at times. I haven't forgiven myself for my mistakes in the relationship despite her saying many hurtful things to me too.

 

Do you guys think I'll be able to feel the same and have another special connection with another girl again? She's pretty and well put together, yet she couldn't work out for me. I don't know if I can find another girl to check off most of the boxes like she did...this road to recovery sucks :(

Edited March 24, 2017 by tommy_tgz

[tommy_tgz]

Also want to mention that I'm 28 and she was 27. We dated for 1.5 years but official for around 1 year. Not a very long relationship but a very special one that I mentioned earlier was the best girl I've dated. Which makes it so hard to move on.

[avvril3000]

This is heartache. This is normal. To think you'll never love again, never find someone quite like her, to never think you'll find a connection or be with anyone as attractive again, is absolutely normal when you're going through heartbreak. We ALL feel these things during this difficult period.

 

It's hard to watch the other one move on and find someone new before you do, but its always going to be one person finding someone new before the other.

 

You guys weren't getting along for a reason and you guys ended it for a reason. Those reasons are valid and will remain valid always.

 

For a while, nobody will compare. At all. They may be pretty, hot, attractive, but your heart wont be open. So, this is a time to work on yourself, analyze what went wrong, and why, and what you want for your next partner whether it be from her or from you.

In time, your heart will start healing and you'lll soon start to see other people for who they really are, and you'll be able to open your heart up to someone new and most likely she will be better than this girl you are missing, because you have learnt a valuable lesson on what doesn't work for you in a relationship, and also how you wanna be in a relationship.

 

Its hard now, and maybe its hard to believe but things will get better, for real.

[tommy_tgz]

This is heartache. This is normal. To think you'll never love again, never find someone quite like her, to never think you'll find a connection or be with anyone as attractive again, is absolutely normal when you're going through heartbreak. We ALL feel these things during this difficult period.

 

It's hard to watch the other one move on and find someone new before you do, but its always going to be one person finding someone new before the other.

 

You guys weren't getting along for a reason and you guys ended it for a reason. Those reasons are valid and will remain valid always.

 

For a while, nobody will compare. At all. They may be pretty, hot, attractive, but your heart wont be open. So, this is a time to work on yourself, analyze what went wrong, and why, and what you want for your next partner whether it be from her or from you.

In time, your heart will start healing and you'lll soon start to see other people for who they really are, and you'll be able to open your heart up to someone new and most likely she will be better than this girl you are missing, because you have learnt a valuable lesson on what doesn't work for you in a relationship, and also how you wanna be in a relationship.

 

Its hard now, and maybe its hard to believe but things will get better, for real.

 

Your words mean so much in this time of need for me..thank you so much. I've dealt with several heartbreaks in my life and I feel like my relationships never work out even when I have someone with so much potential. Its almost as if I tend to self destruct and let the relationship go to waste. I know I've learned much about myself the past week and still have more learning to do..but the pain in the moment hurts bad and I pray the healing process doesn't take too much of my life like it is right now.

[avvril3000]

Your words mean so much in this time of need for me..thank you so much. I've dealt with several heartbreaks in my life and I feel like my relationships never work out even when I have someone with so much potential. Its almost as if I tend to self destruct and let the relationship go to waste. I know I've learned much about myself the past week and still have more learning to do..but the pain in the moment hurts bad and I pray the healing process doesn't take too much of my life like it is right now.

 

The fact that you've had other heartbreaks and found this "incredible, attractive" woman for your latest relationship, just shows you that you in fact can find another (if not better) girl after your heart as healed.

 

Be kind to yourself. Look after yourself, eat well, exercize, treat yourself. Date yourself for a while, and let yourself heal. They say that heartbreak is the same as physical pain. You're wounded... give yourself time

[spiderowl]

This was a near miss and that is why you are feeling so bad. She ticked a lot of boxes but not that box that says things were good between you and you were not getting upset and angry with each other. Remember you were relieved at one point; this shows that it was stressful at the time.

 

That last contact with your ex may actually help you to move on, though it was obviously very painful. Give yourself a bit of time for that to fade and things could look up. It's strange how when you really have moved on, someone else can come into the frame. It's as though we protect ourselves from newcomers until memories have started to fade and the pain with them.

 

My theory is that relationships are an unconscious knitting project. We are interwoven with another person for a while and when we split up there are strands to unravel. Only when most are unravelled can we really move on. Somewhere along the line, when there are fewer knots, we suddenly feel freer and more able to look outwards. I hope that time comes soon for you. I'm sure there will be somone waiting when you are ready.

[Goodguy05]

Hi guys,

 

I'm going through a rough time here and need help. My breakup with my ex ended back in December, but initially I handled it well. I felt free and had grown tired of our constant fights that proved to us we were both not compatible. I really did love her and saw myself with her because she checked almost all the boxes. She's the hottest girl I ever dated, finished law school, came from a good family, and was loyal. Why the hell couldn't we work out?!? I am beating myself up constantly about this every day and I have little hope that I can find another girl that would make me feel the way she did, even though I know its my low self esteem and breakup recovery phase causing this.

 

2 weeks ago I saw her post pics of her new man and going on vacation. I felt sick to my stomach and all the memories of us together came rushing back. I thought to myself "why couldn't I have made it work one more time?" or "why couldn't that have been me?". Strange that just months ago I was relieved to be single and move in a new direction. Seeing her move on fast while I'm here broken and with no one to love and receive love makes life so difficult.

 

I broke NC and told her that I still had feelings for her and wanted to make things work if she still felt the same. BIG MISTAKE. She texted me back that she knows we both made mistakes that caused resentment, but there were things I did that she couldn't completely let go. She says she's very happy and has moved on and wished me the same. I got the closure I wanted, but it was painful nonetheless.

 

I spent last weekend in Vegas with friends and they gave me support but I could not forget about her. Plenty of girls around me and all I still saw was her and comparing every girl to her. My mind just can't take her off the pedestal. I blame myself for the **** ups in the relationship and losing my temper with her at times. I haven't forgiven myself for my mistakes in the relationship despite her saying many hurtful things to me too.

 

Do you guys think I'll be able to feel the same and have another special connection with another girl again? She's pretty and well put together, yet she couldn't work out for me. I don't know if I can find another girl to check off most of the boxes like she did...this road to recovery sucks :(

 

Omg this is me as in ur situation is identical to mine broke up in December and last night found out she was seeing some guy at work it's made me feel sick to my core I was doing fine tI'll I found out. He keeps positing about going to London so if she goes that's gonna kill me i feel u dude I been sitting here at the beach and all these old memories now keep popping in my head. Crying all the time from being fine

[teddyzain]

She's a female lawyer so there is a greater than 65% chance she is an evil b*tch. ; )

 

I had what I thought was the perfect girl (ex fiance) and she dumped me after I was diagnosed with epilepsy. So its easy for me to rationalize that she wasn't perfect, not even close, and didn't care about anyone but herself. So if your ex did something horrible keep going over it and eventually the pining is completely replaced with hating.

[teddyzain]

P.S. REMOVE THEM FROM YOUR FACEBOOK AND WHATEVER OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU USE!!! Back in the day you wouldn't have access to an online day-to-day play-by-play of your ex. It's not good to obsess over them in real time. CUT THEM OFF, DELETE ALL PICS. It really helps. I'm sure my ex was cheating on me but I won't be looking for confirmation, that's for sure.