Anybody here who 'lost feelings' for a boyfriend/girlfriend?

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

A few months on and I'm still reeling from being broken up with because of 'lost feelings' on his side. He didn't say why, he said he didn't know...that it just happened gradually. I'm now No Contact and he knows I'm not willing to be 'friendly' and talk. And he has left me be for over a month. He was the one who was alot more into me at the beginning and I stupidly thought it was ok to fall.

 

Anyway, i'm still trying to make sense of the change in him, the complete 180.

 

My question is... Is there anybody out there who lost feelings for their partner and dumped them? Why did the feelings change? Could you pinpoint something? Did they do anything/not do anything?

 

Reading about this is sort of helping me to understand things so i'd like to hear anyones experiences...

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I have.

 

I can't pinpoint something he did or didn't do, but we were young when we got together and stayed together 5 years (ages 18-23, for both of us) How old are you and your ex, OP?

 

I think we were a good match as teens and very young adults, but as we got a little older and finished university I could see we were growing apart. We had different interests and hopes for the future. He would've been happy to marry then and settle down in the small town where we're from, but I wasn't ready and had to admit to myself that he wasn't the one I wanted to settle down with.

 

I hadn't had much other dating experience and I just didn't feel the strong chemistry for him that I did in our earlier dating years. I think this is quite typical among younger couples with little experience. It's natural to want to explore at that age.

 

He was a good guy, no severe problems between us, but to be honest, that's just not always enough. We had become more like friends and roommates than a couple. I lost interest in intimacy with him. It wasn't a sudden change in feelings; it happened over time. Sometimes people - especially if they're younger - really do outgrow relationships. It's part of growing up and entering a new phase in life, I feel.

 

For what it's worth, that was around 12 or 13 years ago, and we have both long since moved on.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

We are 26 and 30, so not too young.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Heartbrokenandhurt

[lana-banana]

If both parties are adults, 99% of the time it means they met someone else.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

If both parties are adults, 99% of the time it means they met someone else.

 

I don't believe he did... He told me there wasn't another girl and he changed his facebook status a few weeks later to 'Single'. But who knows... he is blocked to me on facebook now so I wouldn't know.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't believe he did... He told me there wasn't another girl and he changed his facebook status a few weeks later to 'Single'. But who knows... he is blocked to me on facebook now so I wouldn't know.

 

Believe me when I say it's better that way.

 

How long were you together?

Edited March 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

We were together 6 months.

[Goodguy05]

A few months on and I'm still reeling from being broken up with because of 'lost feelings' on his side. He didn't say why, he said he didn't know...that it just happened gradually. I'm now No Contact and he knows I'm not willing to be 'friendly' and talk. And he has left me be for over a month. He was the one who was alot more into me at the beginning and I stupidly thought it was ok to fall.

 

Anyway, i'm still trying to make sense of the change in him, the complete 180.

 

My question is... Is there anybody out there who lost feelings for their partner and dumped them? Why did the feelings change? Could you pinpoint something? Did they do anything/not do anything?

 

Reading about this is sort of helping me to understand things so i'd like to hear anyones experiences...

 

No but she lost feelings for me it was a classic case of i lov u but I'm not in love u wth u. On her end she was like that the one more into me she said it was from too much hurt ye i wIsh she'd told me this before she decided to move 1000 miles to join me interstate and works in the same company. Now I just feel angry wth her because it was me checking out before she moved as we were hvn issues she did everything to convince me it cld work then a few mths later dumps me

[ExpatInItaly]

We were together 6 months.

 

Ah, ok. I didn't realize it was such a short relationship, and I feel that's an important factor here.

 

The honeymoon phase probably wore off and he realized he didn't have a deep enough connection to you to continue. This is unfortunately not so uncommon once the initial thrill and hormones settle.

 

Did you see any other signs that he was losing interest?

[5x5]

I was in a sexual relationship with a woman who after so many months of being together (over 22 years ago), I woke up one day and felt nothing for her at all. I didn't hate her, or dislike her, I just felt nothing for her.

 

To this day I don't know why I felt that way, yet after a few days of the same. I realised that despite not knowing why, there was no point continuing that relationship.

 

So I ended it, first by explaining how I felt, with no reasons since I had/have none. Which was then followed with the lame "it's not you, it's me" rubbish.

 

There was also no one else for me at the time, or for a while after that.

 

As it turned out she wasn't happy about it. So she sometimes called me after midnight for a few weeks, wanting to know what she did wrong while crying. Yet she didn't do anything wrong at all, and in my opinion was a great woman to be with. Yet I no longer wanted to be with her. The only thing that stopped her calling, was when I lied to her and told her I was just using her for sex.

 

I never went back to her and I don't think it's likely, that your ex boyfriend is going to go back to you.

 

At the end of the day the best thing you can do, is move on and get on with your life.

[lana-banana]

I don't believe he did... He told me there wasn't another girl and he changed his facebook status a few weeks later to 'Single'. But who knows... he is blocked to me on facebook now so I wouldn't know.

 

People are almost never fully honest about why they choose to break up. Would you really expect someone to say "sorry, I met someone else who I think could be a better fit for me"? Either he realized he wasn't really into it, or he met someone who made him realize he was capable of having those strong feelings.

 

I have been on both sides of this. I know it sucks. But worrying over why someone chooses to end it doesn't help. At the end of the day, he decided he would be happier without you in his life. Isn't that all you need to know? You don't have time to waste on people who don't want you.

 

Remember, your worth is not determined by someone else's choices. Keep your chin up and your head high!

[central]

Yes, I've lost feelings for someone gradually. It can be difficult to pinpoint why, though.

 

 

It's often little things that add up, or just a realization of different goals or some kind of incompatibility. A personality flaw, such as being too critical or negative, or acting as if everyone is putting them down. It could be lack of kindness towards others that isn't apparent early on. Or it could be declining physical attraction - sexual incompatibility, or failing to maintain health, or hygiene, or fitness. So many possibilities.

[preraph]

Losing feelings is the inevitable result of dating with most couples. You date to get to know someone. Most people give them the benefit of the doubt going in and assume they are a good person and that their personality will be appealing in the long term and that their ethics and politics are a close match, even when they have no idea about any of it. So we go in hoping that person is the ideal person for us, but they're not hardly ever going to be, and so you lose feelings once you get to know the person, once the new wears off and maybe you don't find them that attractive or exciting anymore, once you start talking to them and find out they like Trump or they're super religious or they like Hillary or they're athiests or they have annoying habits or your financial approach is a total mismatch.

 

Dating is to get to know someone. Then when they're not the right one for you, you break up and move on. Sorry.

[mikeylo]

In 6 months, its also possible that he didnt catch any feelings. Or not enough to take them further.

 

As for losing feelings, if there was a deeper connection, then the feelings are on the surface for a while.That is why its easier to get an ex back earlier then later.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

In 6 months, its also possible that he didnt catch any feelings. Or not enough to take them further.

 

As for losing feelings, if there was a deeper connection, then the feelings are on the surface for a while.That is why its easier to get an ex back earlier then later.

 

He had feelings to begin with. All the effort he went to/how often he wanted to see me proved it... He was the one who asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with him.... and to add, he hadn't been in an actual relationship for years. Just dated here and there. It was a big deal for his family for him to finally have a girlfriend.

[Whodatdog]

I agree that there probably werent deep enough feelings to start with. You say the relationship lasted 6 months; to him, it may have only last 3 or 4 months. When someone breaks up with someone else, they probably didnt just think to do it that day. More likely its something they have been thinking about for quite a while.

 

Its was probably a lot of fun at the start of the relationship, especially if you were sleeping together right away. Its probable that there just wasnt enough emtional attachment on his end.

[AT15]

I lost feelings for a few people. I think the connection wasn't strong enough from the beginning tho. They were feeling me more than I was feeling them. Then my recent ex that brought me here fell out of love with me and jumped into a rebound after a few really bad disagreements. It happens.

[Blanco]

Six months isn't really anything. It's enough time to have some fun, enjoy each other's company, build some memories, etc. But you usually don't really know the person all that well after such a short amount of time. People get caught up in the rush that is the honeymoon phase and start conflating those adrenaline-fueled feelings with something much, much deeper.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I think you have to believe that once the rush of the honeymoon phase worse off, he just didn't see any real future between you two. So in a sense, he "lost" feelings, but in a more accurate sense, the artificial connection created by the new relationship wore down.

[BC1980]

We were together 6 months.

 

6 months is about the time you start to decide if you want to make a real commitment. Really, the first year is like that. A lot of relationships are either solidified as long term or ended in the first year. That's the honeymoon phase when you are still trying to figure out if this is long term or not. Some people figure it out quicker than others, but that seems to be a general rule.

[eastw3st]

I did. I only broke up with my boyfriend yesterday after just over a year and a half. We had a rocky relationship during the first year, he cheated on me at the start and I took him back like a fool. He didn't treat me very well during the first year of the relationship, yes, there were good times and when things were good they were REALLY good. But he constantly prioritised his friends and partying over me, and we fought a lot. Sometimes we went on 'breaks' last year after fights or after he treated me badly but we would get back together within a few days and things would be really good until he would change again.

 

We had a huge fight in July which caused us to break up, but we loved each other so much that we started again and began seeing each other again, eventually getting back into a relationship. The few months following that were really good for us, however all of his friends went off to university and he didn't, he stayed behind and then started to prioritise me. But he became controlling, and didn't like the fact that I had a part time job and wanted to start seeing my friends more, this would lead to arguments between us. It got so bad that he threatened to not even see me for the whole week of my birthday, but we always patched things up eventually. There are a lot of details missing in this but if I included them all I would go on all day, sorry.

 

Anyway, I started to lose feelings for him about a month ago. I was very bored in the relationship as all we would do is sit around at his house not doing anything, every single time I saw him and we'd only ever go out if I was paying for everything, despite the fact that he worked in a full time job at this point and earned much more money than me. Anytime I brought this up it caused a fight. We fought a lot over tiny things, pretty much all of these arguments were initiated by him, and I stopped feeling sexual towards him. I really can't pinpoint what it was exactly that made me lose my feelings, probably a mixture of his attitude, his obsession, him being stingy etc. I always used to stay with him in the past and put up with whatever he put me through because I loved him so much, but I was changing and I realised this wasn't healthy anymore. My eyes started to wander and I started having feelings for a guy I worked with (though nothing came of it).

 

Eventually I felt like I was forcing myself to see my boyfriend, I couldn't even have sex with him anymore. I care about him deeply as a person due to the fact that we have had so many memories during the time we were together and we've shared so many private things together, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by not being true to myself with him anymore. I told him I needed some space yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to leave him. I said yes, to which he responded by saying he knew I hadn't loved him for some time so he saw this coming. He had been so much nicer the past week or so before the break up, I think it was because he was worried I was going to leave him - but the damage was done and I had already lost my feelings for him.

 

He wants to talk about it and see me in person but I cannot do it, I know it's cruel but I know what his intentions are, and I'm a weak person - he knows that. So I would feel cornered and end up going back, but then I'll just end up not having my heart in the relationship again and we will both end up unhappy. It overall really sucks and I'm really sad about it because despite the fact that you have lost romantic feelings for the person - you still care for them and I do wish to be friends with him in the future, but he will never want that and I understand that. We've now entered NC and I think it's for the best, I hope you also find happiness and I'm sorry for what you're going through, in my case it is very painful for both sides.. Sorry that this was so long.

[foolinlove79]

You and I are in the exact same position. I dated my ex for about a year. We never argued. Nothing really changed. And then a few weeks ago he just said he couldnt say why and was hoping he would feel different but doesnt and isnt interested in a relationship anymore.

 

He also pursued me. Asked me out. Seemed more into me then i was in him. It is very confusing.

 

I think some people are right in saying these early stages the person you are seeing can decide for whatever reason they dont see a long term relationship.

 

And witb some people i think they just dont get emotionally invested and attached to their partners. Which i think is what happened with me. My ex was very closed off and hard to get close too. I ignored that thinking he would open up eventually. But he never did. Probably another reason he could end it without there being any of the usual signs.

 

The only advice i can give you as i am a bit older is this. It really doesnt matter what the reasons are. It wont make you feel any better if he provides you with a better explanation. It is hard i know.

 

You will be ok. In time. Just need to take it a day at a time.

[BeStronger]

Just wanted to share my experience. My ex also ended things cos he said he had less feelings for me. Suddenly. Overnight.

 

Just about that time when he said that - I saw on social media that he had reconnected back with that ex he had feelings for.

 

He went LC on me from that day onwards, dropping breadcrumbs here and there for me - which i foolishly was contented with.

 

One day he deleted me off his instagram. I managed to gain access to the pictures he had posted through a mutual friend, and lo and behold... He and his ex got back together.

Edited March 24, 2017 by BeStronger
Spelling error

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Thanks for the replies to this topic. Im still trying to get insight into what exactly happened. Reading other peoples experiences help.

[marky00]

6 months sounds like it was more like a "filler" relationship for one of the parties.

 

 

Loosing feelings is more common very early on and years down the track.

 

 

Early on, it might take a month or two to confirm that someone just isn't feeling it like they want. This often happens after some awesome dates and even great sex.

 

 

Then years down the line it can happen when one party might be experiencing some personal issues, troubled by external events etc which often leads to a loss of attraction. Its extremely hurtful to lose someone you love because you were dealing with some massive issues outside the relationship but the reality is life is tough, there are no exceptions.