Is it just an ego thing?

[BeStronger]

I've gone LC with ex.

 

Every one to two weeks he will reach out.

 

On a day like today, I feel like i just want him to reach out because it makes me "feel better".

 

Since we work somewhat together, it's almost impossible for us to go NC.

 

I've not initiated contact for the last 1 month, only replying/talking to him when he makes the first move.

 

I've gone past the "wanting to get back with him" stage, but I cant shake off the feeling I get when i see his car in the car park every single damn morning.

 

I can't tell anymore if I really want to be friends or I just need him to make my very bruised ego better. Or maybe it's because I was so manipulated by him that I crave for his attention.

 

I've been friends with all my exes. Some I still keep in contact with once in awhile, some none at all. This guy feels so different. Only after 1 month of being together (I know right), it just seems so difficult to get him off my mind completely. Urgh.

[PegNosePete]

What benefit is your life getting from poking the the ashes of this relationship?

 

It sounds like this contact is just adding stress to your life. Why on earth do you want to talk to someone who was "so manipulative" as you put it?

 

I would cut out all contact except 100% necessary work communication. If it's personal, and not required for work, then don't say it.

 

But we've told you this in the past and you don't seem to think it's a good idea? And look where it's led, you're back here with another problem.....

 

Maybe time to give it a try? If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got.

Edited February 21, 2017 by PegNosePete

[BeStronger]

What benefit is your life getting from poking the the ashes of this relationship?

 

It sounds like this contact is just adding stress to your life. Why on earth do you want to talk to someone who was "so manipulative" as you put it?

 

I would cut out all contact except 100% necessary work communication. If it's personal, and not required for work, then don't say it.

 

But we've told you this in the past and you don't seem to think it's a good idea? And look where it's led, you're back here with another problem.....

 

Maybe time to give it a try? If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got.

 

You're right. I thought by me not "reaching out" it would mean something. But now another problem comes because right now (maybe I'm still reeling from being dumped suddenly), I just can't move on completely and every time he contacts me.. I feel like it makes me feel better.

 

It makes me feel like "wow, he keeps coming back for me". and even though I don't want to get back together anymore, I cannot deny this is an ego boost for me. (or my very pathetic way of making me feel better about him dumping me)

 

It doesnt help that this is the first time i've been dumped. Most of the times I ended my relationship it was usually mutual.

[PegNosePete]

It makes me feel like "wow, he keeps coming back for me". and even though I don't want to get back together anymore, I cannot deny this is an ego boost for me. (or my very pathetic way of making me feel better about him dumping me)

But why do you want HIM to keep coming back to you? If I hit a snake with a stick to get rid of it, and it kept coming back, I'd hit it with a bigger stick! I wouldn't think oh this snake must really like me what an ego boost!

 

Wouldn't it be a better ego boost to get over this joker, and find a nice, decent, honest, caring guy who likes you for who you are?? Who needs attention from a loser like your ex?

[BeStronger]

But why do you want HIM to keep coming back to you? If I hit a snake with a stick to get rid of it, and it kept coming back, I'd hit it with a bigger stick! I wouldn't think oh this snake must really like me what an ego boost!

 

Wouldn't it be a better ego boost to get over this joker, and find a nice, decent, honest, caring guy who likes you for who you are?? Who needs attention from a loser like your ex?

 

I try.. He doesn't really cross my mind much. But especially when we are in the office, and I see his car parked there.. It just gives me some flashbacks of the times we use to spend in his car.

 

Then it makes me crave for him again. I know he's bad for me.

 

But then like a drug, I suffer from some withdrawal. Then it makes me wait for him to contact me so i can feel good. the cycle goes on and on.

 

I get your analogy about the snake. It's so true. I wish I could see it right now, but I had a real good day in the office (a project I have been waiting for has just been awarded to me), and I wanted to tell him so much, the last we spoke last week on Valentine's day (we bumped into each other at the car park - when he reached home he called me and we spoke 45 mins -granted most of it was work related. Even though I know it was an excuse because by right he could have texted if he wanted to know.)

 

After I got off the phone, I was happy. Not happy he wanted to talk to me. But happy he reached out first.

[PegNosePete]

But then like a drug, I suffer from some withdrawal.

Good metaphor.

 

Cold turkey is the only way to break the habit.

[Trichrome]

Here's my armchair psychology. Yes it is most likely your ego talking. This is possibly being exacerbated by the fact that the relationship was so short and somewhere deep down you feel as though it may not have run its full course? It was ended on his terms not yours. I know it was only a month but maybe you needed a few more days and didn't get it and you're bitter? I have issues controlling my overblown ego sometimes and I can tell you one thing. If the same thing went down with me I would feel the exact same way. It's the ego Let It Go

[d0nnivain]

NC is an effective tool for getting over someone but it's not the only way to go.

 

 

Since you work together some contact will be required.

 

 

I ended a relationship years ago. It was my first serious relationship & I was blindsided by the break up. The night he dumped me I thought he was coming over to propose. Yikes. Anyway, I couldn't handle going from daily communication to not talking so we struck a weird bargain. I weaned myself off him. I was allowed to call him & talk for 5 minutes the first week, then 3 minutes the 2nd week, 2 minutes, then 1 if it had to go that far. He agreed to listen, be polite & make small talk. I wasn't allowed to beg or discuss reconciliation just to hear his voice & make small talk. It sounds kind of silly but I wasn't emotionally prepared to go cold turkey so we did this long drawn out dance. He really was kind about it considering. That first week I called a lot but he enforced the time limits & I didn't beg. It didn't go on & on but probably dragged out for 3 weeks.

 

 

I don't recommend that approach for most but at that time I needed it. It helped me separate myself from him & the relationship. It also preserved some semblance of a working relationship. We are in the same industry & have been thrown together over the years. If he had been harsh or cruel back then I don't know that I could have maintained civility all these years later.

 

 

Because you have a professional relationship make sure your work doesn't suffer as a result of this break up.

[Goodguy05]

Man ur lucky working together doesn't cause u pain like in my case we were together 6 yrs and for mths I've put up wth seeing books constantly going up to her desk or work colleagues I guess till finally I had enough and asked to moved to the other side of the building. Maybe at least he's aware of behaving appropriately at work unlike my ex she wants nothing more than to dig it in to me anyway it's such a relief to be away from her and her drama at work. Friggin nightmare. Out of mind outta sight.