I'm really struggling and she seems just fine

[JGB]

I was together with my girlfriend for about 3 years until she broke up with me in January. Almost a full month has gone by and I still feel the same as the day it happened. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I've lost weight, I always feel so "panicky" and twitchy, I'm just in really bad shape.

 

Meanwhile she's going out with her friends to clubs, drinking, (a new hobby) and apparently she's seeing several guys.

 

I know this sounds dumb, but I just don't seem to feel better no matter what. I constantly think about her and how she's with other guys giving the attention she once gave me, and my heart sinks and my stomach drops.

 

I'll take any advice or words or anything you got. I'm tired of feeling this way, I just want to be myself and be whole again.

[d0nnivain]

Every body grieves differently and at a different pace.

 

 

You only see her public behavior. You have no idea what she feels or how she behaves alone in private.

 

 

If she ended things, she may have been more emotionally prepared for the end of the relationship while you got more blindsided.

 

 

Don't worry so much about her. Concentrate on your own healing & Self soothing.

[frigginlost]

I was together with my girlfriend for about 3 years until she broke up with me in January. Almost a full month has gone by and I still feel the same as the day it happened. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I've lost weight, I always feel so "panicky" and twitchy, I'm just in really bad shape.

 

Meanwhile she's going out with her friends to clubs, drinking, (a new hobby) and apparently she's seeing several guys.

 

I know this sounds dumb, but I just don't seem to feel better no matter what. I constantly think about her and how she's with other guys giving the attention she once gave me, and my heart sinks and my stomach drops.

 

I'll take any advice or words or anything you got. I'm tired of feeling this way, I just want to be myself and be whole again.

 

I feel for ya. I wish anybody on these boards could give you a "fix quick" but it just does not work that way. Would it help to know that what you are feeling is completely normal? I was with my ex for 3 years and she did the exact same thing. I'm now a year out and she is living with a new guy and totally in love with him, etc. How do I feel a year later? I still think about her at times but the hurt turned into a "I feel sorry for the new dude" feeling. You'll get there, it just takes time...

[JGB]

I feel for ya. I wish anybody on these boards could give you a "fix quick" but it just does not work that way. Would it help to know that what you are feeling is completely normal? I was with my ex for 3 years and she did the exact same thing. I'm now a year out and she is living with a new guy and totally in love with him, etc. How do I feel a year later? I still think about her at times but the hurt turned into a "I feel sorry for the new dude" feeling. You'll get there, it just takes time...

 

I've been heartbroken before when my last girlfriend and I split, but this one is way worse. I feel broken and alone, I feel scared all the time. I'm afraid I'll always feel this way and forever mourn our relationship while she marries some new guy and I rot alone and depressed. I know that's ridiculous and it's just my emotions, but this is my impasse. I can't break these thoughts, I can't stop myself from dying inside.

 

Thank you for your words. I know I'll eventually move forward and I won't care about her or stress about this. It's just so hard in the mean time and there seems to be no end in sight.

[Been]

Can I ask why you broke up?

See you have thought your way into how your thinking right now.

You think she's having the time of her life but you don't know that.

Did you have the feeling yo were going to break up or where you blindsided?

[stillafool]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Edited February 20, 2017 by stillafool

[Alpha_Male]

You need full NC.

 

But based on your details. Sounds like you not doing any NC yet.

 

 

No contact:

- no message/reply/call

- no seeing her picture

- no stalker her social media like facebook/instagram (block all).

 

Just pretend she's already dead.

 

Trust me you'll feel different.

 

But if you sudden seeing her picture, or stalker her social media, then you need to re-start the NC routine back.

 

Lets try with 30 days, doing full NC, and lets see how;s your feel.

 

A. Not stalking her, make you wonder, miss her, craving = less pain.

 

b. While stalking her and seeing her with new guy = mega pain.

 

 

So ? I choose A, less pain over B mega pain.

[natalysmik87]

The worst part in a breakup is that when you come to know your partner moved on easily. I too had a similar situation. We were in a relationship for 5 years and I thought I was so blessed to have him in my life. But everything changed in an instant, he told me he wants to end this relationship as he is in love with someone else. I was shattered and didn't know how to respond. This relationship has ruined my life. I became an introvert after that. I was in a state where I couldn't control my emotions so my mom took me to a psychologist in Toronto. After going through some counseling I feel relaxed.

 

If you want to get over this feeling, then you should stop looking for your ex. Rather than listening to sad songs engage yourself in activities which soothe your mind. You can also go for a trip with your friends. I have done all these during my breakup. It would be of great help.

 

After a long gap, I'm going to meet someone on this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. It might take some time but you should definitely move on.

[Sweetfish]

I was together with my girlfriend for about 3 years until she broke up with me in January. Almost a full month has gone by and I still feel the same as the day it happened. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I've lost weight, I always feel so "panicky" and twitchy, I'm just in really bad shape.

 

Meanwhile she's going out with her friends to clubs, drinking, (a new hobby) and apparently she's seeing several guys.

 

I know this sounds dumb, but I just don't seem to feel better no matter what. I constantly think about her and how she's with other guys giving the attention she once gave me, and my heart sinks and my stomach drops.

 

I'll take any advice or words or anything you got. I'm tired of feeling this way, I just want to be myself and be whole again.

 

 

What your seeing in VERY common and nothing new. This is her way of not facing what she has done..

 

Dont take it personal... this is the relief phase she is going thru... all the pressures of being in a relationship and bonded by the rules of that relationship... now she is letting loose.

 

Not your problem... your mission now is take the mature route and respect the relationship is over.

 

 

Time to heal

[Goodguy05]

Yes I kno wat ure going thru same here and similar we were together 6 yrs and she did the same drinking partying believe me bro wen I say it's a front it's a way of her trying to move on. It gets easier mines even worse we work together and she rubs it in at work. I donno wat to do re the work side as it makes just that little more harder to move on anyway. Go NC try at some stage to not find out wat she's doing wether that's social media I kno its easier said then done I've been doing it but the curiosity side on my end is starting to fade. And ye she's going out wth guys but like mates one is interested. She's most likely detached from u slowly but b3lieve me the partying and drinking is just a front to show how she's moving on. I donno the details of ur union or wat happenned it could be fueled by anger on her end that's wat it is in mine. So ye bro i can relate but hers is a fake front l. Months down the track if u were good to her she will feel the loss don't worry they always do. Wat I've really found helps besides this great forum is listen to podcasts about breaking up u really do get alot of good insight and info. They give u that awareness well at least for me that it's not all ur fault and if it's broken it's broken sometimes u can come back together but wat she's doing like mine is detonating the bridge between u both and blowing it up and destroying ur lov why because ur hurting trust breaks all sorts of things ull realise like me more and more maybe u dont want this person anymore because it is just to painful wat they're doing. Anyway it's all different for everyone. My ex wife yrs ago after 8 mths contacted me to work things out but then started going hot and cold. Definately NC just so u can heal and in time u wont wanna kno2 wat she's doing anymore because it just hurts too much to bro

[mourinho]

I agree with all above.

Have now 7 months behind me and since a bit more than a month I can say that I learned to breathe again. There is no special advice we can give you. You will be suffering, shivering, getting angry, helpless etc. - you know that stuff.

I didn't go NC because I'm a straight guy, dont like to play games. I knew about this rule but I prefered to have a talk with her. I didn't get me far, but what i learned is exactly this what others mentioned above. The BU is such a pain for both sites(if it happened by other reasons then going to a new crush) that the talk is nearly impossible. Every time you try - the pain won't let you. You both must heal from it first.

My love wanted to settle down with me, have kids and so on, but at the brake up day i have heard from her that she was sitting to much at home when she was with me and she misses her "life" that se had. That's exactly what shes doing now - party, drinking, getting second job. Everything what is needed to not feel or think about the relationship, or real reasons of the Brake up.

At this point i can guarantee that the feeling she had or still has for you are just covered by a lot of dust. She's pushing that away. But she will feel it once she will accidentialy see you again some time. She will also spy your FB from time to time. That's how they work.

 

Try do not think about the possible reconciliation.

I still can not date any other girl, im just good by beeing alone with myself. Yesterday I had tears in my eyes hearing a new song by Ed Sheeran. But it was healing. The moments are still there, because you loved. 3 years didnt go by in 1 month.

 

Take care.

[kevinjinha]

Dude. Read my old posts. I am in a similar situation to you! My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me to pursue her "Twitch" career. She seems perfectly fine, very happy and started meeting other guys online!

 

My stomach would curl every day, I would wake up to this ****ty reality that I'm not with her anymore. It's been 2 months since my breakup, we broke up January 1st 2017.

 

But, I am not over her either, but I can tell you what I've learned. One day you will look back at this, and think, man I was really ****ed up with this girl. But the reality is, you will find someone better. You may not realize it now, you may believe that this girl was the ONLY one for you (just like I did), but that truly isn't the case.

I always pictured her ****ing another dude, and TBH that messed me up real good. But think about it this way, you'll be ****ing another girl in the future too, and even so, she'll be EVEN BETTER! never settle for less!

 

I made many many MANY attempts in hanging out with her, in which that only hurt me more. I always look at her and thought how beautiful she was, but I knew I couldn't get her back. My advice to you is AVOID contact. ITS ****ING HARD I KNOW!! but. It's for the better. Just know that there are so many people including myself that are in the same position as you. We will get through this. Stay strong, and DO NOT HIDE YOUR FEELINGS. You need to let it out, go for a drive, go cry. Cry until you realize that you're DONE feeling this way. You'll eventually realize in TIME that this isn't worth it anymore.

 

I've done a lot of bad things the past 2 months. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and even attempted suicide! My eyes have been opened that sometimes you just meet people like this, and if they aren't the one for you then you have to accept it. It's truly truly difficult and I understand exactly where you're coming from.

 

TIME will heal you. When people told me to "find a hobby" , even so, I still thought about my ex the ENTIRE time which ultimately diminished that hobby. My advice to you, is FEEL the pain. Accept this reality, and you'll be able to move past this soon. Warm regards.

Edited February 21, 2017 by kevinjinha

[elaine567]

There is no equality in break-ups.

People don't usually mutually decide to break up nor is the break up usually due to an outside influence forcing the break up out of the blue.

 

The breakup is usually due to one person deciding it isn't working for them and they want to go and date other people. If they wanted to work on the relationship they would have stuck around.

It is therefore no surprise that once broken up, they go off and find another person pretty quickly.

Break up = free to date other people.

They move swiftly on as the break up was what they wanted.

They are not crying into their coffee for months and months, they are often looking forward to seeing what else is out there.

 

Yes, it may be hard for some "dumpers" to come to the conclusion to break up, not all are rejoicing at the split, but for many others it was a decision to be made for their own happiness, and once made and the deed is done, they often experience a lot of relief.

 

Too many it seems to me, think a break up will result in two grief stricken people, when the reality is - one grieving person and the other is mostly just quite happy to be "free" again.

[Positiveone]

I felt like I was reading a post that I wrote myself... it's been a month for me too.

 

First and foremost- disappear. Vanish from the face of this earth. NO CONTACT AT ALL. Do not beg do not plead. Keep your dignity, you are worth more than that.

 

Dude go out with your friends and FORCE yourself to move, even though it's ****ing miserable. And talk to other girls even if they aren't of interest and just boring, keep yourself busy. We are here for you, your family is there for you. We're going through this with you..

 

Feel free to reach me via email if you ever need to. [email protected]

Edited February 21, 2017 by Positiveone

[Pumpingiron34]

words of advice... dont fall in love again, because after 5 years mine ditched me for the party hook up then rebound life. 10 months later here i am the pain aint no where near as bad as the first few months lol omg **** that but, i still miss that nut job and wish me and her could of worked. Straight kills me. If i make it to the other side of freedom where i dont care at all any more. I sware i wont love again i cant risk this pain another time. So you aint alone

[marky00]

There is no equality in break-ups.

People don't usually mutually decide to break up nor is the break up usually due to an outside influence forcing the break up out of the blue.

 

The breakup is usually due to one person deciding it isn't working for them and they want to go and date other people. If they wanted to work on the relationship they would have stuck around.

It is therefore no surprise that once broken up, they go off and find another person pretty quickly.

Break up = free to date other people.

They move swiftly on as the break up was what they wanted.

They are not crying into their coffee for months and months, they are often looking forward to seeing what else is out there.

 

Yes, it may be hard for some "dumpers" to come to the conclusion to break up, not all are rejoicing at the split, but for many others it was a decision to be made for their own happiness, and once made and the deed is done, they often experience a lot of relief.

 

Too many it seems to me, think a break up will result in two grief stricken people, when the reality is - one grieving person and the other is mostly just quite happy to be "free" again.

 

Not really. When I was relatively raw from being dumped, I'd say the same stuff, clearly she doesn't care etc.

 

 

My Ex 2 years ago, dumped me in her country when I went to visit her with my family. We had been in a relationship for 9 years.

 

 

For the first year post BU, it was basically very low contact, maybe once every 3 months or so. Then for the last year, total NC from my end. However for the last few months she has been contacting me how I am doing etc. I have not replied. Sure, it's most likely out of guilt but that is an emotion nonetheless.

 

 

My point is but she is doing what all my other female exes (the dumpers I am referring to) have done. No matter how happy and done they looked after the breakup, always sometime between 6 months and a few years, the reaching-out would start and the Facebook stalking etc. One Ex actually confessed she was reaching out because she couldn't handle the fact I might have still hated her.

 

 

I think a lot us say they don't care at all because in a way that helps us move on easier. If we know, they care on some level, that messes with our heads. Unfortunately, the truth is that unless you were abusive, they almost certainly do care for you on some level. That's why breakups are just bad all round.

 

 

After what my Ex did, logically she should have never contacted me again and just left me be and continue my healing. The fact she did the opposite confirms she used poor judgement based on emotions that always cloud logic.

[mourinho]

Not really. When I was relatively raw from being dumped, I'd say the same stuff, clearly she doesn't care etc.

 

 

My Ex 2 years ago, dumped me in her country when I went to visit her with my family. We had been in a relationship for 9 years.

 

 

For the first year post BU, it was basically very low contact, maybe once every 3 months or so. Then for the last year, total NC from my end. However for the last few months she has been contacting me how I am doing etc. I have not replied. Sure, it's most likely out of guilt but that is an emotion nonetheless.

 

 

My point is but she is doing what all my other female exes (the dumpers I am referring to) have done. No matter how happy and done they looked after the breakup, always sometime between 6 months and a few years, the reaching-out would start and the Facebook stalking etc. One Ex actually confessed she was reaching out because she couldn't handle the fact I might have still hated her.

 

 

I think a lot us say they don't care at all because in a way that helps us move on easier. If we know, they care on some level, that messes with our heads. Unfortunately, the truth is that unless you were abusive, they almost certainly do care for you on some level. That's why breakups are just bad all round.

 

 

After what my Ex did, logically she should have never contacted me again and just left me be and continue my healing. The fact she did the opposite confirms she used poor judgement based on emotions that always cloud logic.

 

I agree with that. It all depends on People and situation you are making through. If I have gone NC straight away i would say - she has moved on and dont give a **ck about me. But I saw and I still see that the the contact with me gives her more pain than she would ever admit. Thats wy she doesnt message me. I remember her tears 2,5 half months after BU. Also the love is deep inside her. But that doesnt mean i have a chance. There's always a decision she made. And you will not force her to change her mind. So are womens emotions build.