Question about Ex-girlfriend's behavior

[Purrsianduude]

My girlfriend of 2.5 yrs and I just had a real bad breakup 3 weeks ago. I've always been the one in control and kept my cool every time she freaked out and got mad at me, but this time I lost my patience and cursed her out in front of her family, and hurt her in other ways as well. So we are broken up, and it hurts real bad because we wanted to be a family with her 3 year old son.

 

Her reasons for breaking up is the accusations of me cheating on her, which are totally false, besides one time where we split for a couple days and I made out with another girl, I NEVER cheated on her. The only problem is that I had a lot of girls in my life who would come and hangout with me, which made my ex feel insecure and think that something was going on. Nevertheless, she says "we can never be together again, you hurt me real bad with your insults, and you cheated on me, hurt my self-esteem, etc..." but deep down she knows I really love her, and that I helped her SO much during our relationship, with money, guidance, raising her son, helping her with school, etc. again, I never cheated on her and want to show her that other girls don't mean anything and that I put her above them.

 

Now that we are broken up, I tried to reconcile with her and work things out, but she says we have no chance at all. However, her behavior makes me question these things. She visits my Instagram and likes my posts, follows me on Facebook, and on her Instagram she has posted several poems about "moving on". She seems to still be thinking about me. Especially since I have been seeing my ex girlfriend of 10 years ago, but posted no pics of us. She found this out by going on my ex's Instagram and seeing her picture with me, then texting me in anger "I hope you and ... have a happy life together". The other day she randomly texted me "don't get your friends involved with us, keep them out of it". When I text her, she immediately responds. These are signs that she is having a very hard time in the breakup and that she misses me and is very hurt, but is trying to possibly protect herself by keeping herself angry at me.

 

I want her back, just because I want to give it my all and try once more to see if we can work things out. I think we ended things prematurely without giving it out best. But I don't know what steps to take to help her heal from the breakup. It is chewing me up inside that she is hurting so bad but that she doesn't want to talk to me or see me. I have stopped seeing all other girl-friends I had and trying to focus on my life, but now I feel very alone and depressed.

 

Does anyone think I have a chance? What should I do? Should I do no contact? Is there a chance for this to heal up? I may be delusional, but deep down I want to just give this none last chance, because frankly, even though I gave her so many good things during our relationship, I was not fully invested emotionally, and this time I want to be. Please let me know what I can do, thank you guys.

[marie25]

How often would she "freak out" and get mad at you - i.e. how often would you two have fights that ended in her going out of control? It seems like she wasn't very good at emotional control and needs some time to grow in that aspect.

 

I would communicate to her that you feel a lot of her behavior within the relationship was unhealthy. While remaining calm yourself while under high emotion and not blowing up is something that you may also need to work on, I would say that perhaps you may have had communication issues within your relationship that caused the lack of healthy communication and explosive fights.

 

Also, if she is insisting that you two would not be good together - it is my guess that she is very hurt with you over everything and is saying such things out of anger. This explains why she still has the behavior of someone who is still in love with you - because likely she hasn't let you go - but rather is lashing out at you due to her anger. This is just what it seems like to me, especially because the same things have happened to me (and I've been both the girl and you in this case).

 

I would make it clear to her that if she is insisting that you two not get back together, you are going to take that as truth and start the process of letting her go. This includes deleting her off of social media (at least for a while until you are over her), going NC, etc. Make sure she knows (and you know) that you are serious about this.

 

Good luck with everything. If you do end up going NC, really try to let her go instead of holding on to hope. This was a big problem of mine.

[Purrsianduude]

She would freak out and get mad usually when not getting her way in most situations. And I understand, she had a rough upbringing, feeling neglected and all. I've also been through horrible events in the past 10 years, losing my whole family and feeling empty/depressed and alone. So we both have our baggage, but deep down both love each other. She is just very hurt over the last time I got mad and the things I said, and if I was to try and communicate with her right now about it, she might even get more mad. I tried to apologize and she said she forgives me, but that we can never be together again, and that I need to "stop pursuing" her.

 

But then she texted me a couple days ago, an angry text, and she sometimes "likes" my posts on Instagram (pictures of myself). She is clearly trying to get over me, and it might be hard, because despite the fact that i treated her bad sometimes, I was there for her and her son, and her son loves me.

 

Yes the hard part is letting go. These days I'm very sad and feel alone, and when she texts or likes my stuff, I get my hopes up, which can be very bad. If she asks me to not pursue her, then I might have to cut off contact and see what happens. But what if she gets in touch with me sometime down the line? I don't know how I will feel at that point. I'm also about to get back with my ex from college, but I still feel very sad and I'm not fully into her, due to my withdrawal from my ex. Thanks for your advice, the hardest thing is letting go, even though it may be the wisest decision

[dumbass2]

"Especially since I have been seeing my ex girlfriend of 10 years ago"

 

Yeah, that just screams to her that you really want to try again with her.

 

Move on and leave her alone. She's made it very clear. The other stuff she is doing is just normal break up stuff from the dumper and in no way means she still wants to be with you. Everyone is curious after a break up.

[Purrsianduude]

"Dumbass", I don't think you understand. I didn't post a picture of me and my ex from college to make her jealous or anything. I just hungout with her and hooked up to get my mind off the breakup, and the girl just happened to take a picture and post it on her Instagram. My recent ex is definitely following me to see what I'm doing so she found that picture by looking for it. So it was not a "clear" attempt for me to make her jealous or mad, she found it herself.

 

In regards to her being completely over me, she has said in the past that she wants nothing to do with me and a week later we are back together, although this time she was more affirmative in her words. Yea I guess she migh just be doing post-breakup behavior, but I'm still hurting and can't think of other girls because it's hard getting over a 2.5 year relationship so fast.

 

At this point I think it's pretty much over, but I just want to know, if I were to have a heart to heart with her and go over everything, would it give me better closure? She says I hurt her real bad, and I want to just let her know how much I care for her and that in the future I will be there for her. Believe me, eventually I will have a much easier life than her. I got a good job, good friends and very passionate about my goals, and have a high level of education. She is a single mom with no current job and no college degree, I feel very bad, she put all her hopes in a marriage with me and it blew up in her face. She is quite devastated

[juniorrocha]

Of course she's feelings for you, it was a 2 and a half years relationship that ended less than a month ago. Even when they say they don't, they do; maybe they just don't want you back though, which seems to be the case here. If she told you there's no chance and doesn't want to see you, then leave her alone. Respect that and stay away. Block her everywhere and go NC.

 

I don't usually advise using NC to make someone miss you and get them back; however, sometimes, you just need to stay away to think clearer, let the dust settle. Maybe when she's no longer angry she will want to reach out to you. Or maybe in a while you could try again. But, for now, work on moving on and in some time (and I mean probably months) you'll see whether it's still worth something or not.