So so lost, horrible breakup guys!

[bakerjd1993]

Hey guys,

 

 

 

I love her. Shes a Gemini, im an Aries. And i still love her. Yes, i do. But, shes very fickle, and shes on p.o.f the next day of our breakup. Two days before she wanted to have 'headspace', she told me she was falling in love with me, through text, and she wanted to be with me, and she loved me, and she made plans for us to away on holiday in spring, and everything. She wrote it in her diary. But one day, after those two days, she was like, i need to talk to you about something, but i will tell you on 'tuesday'. I didn't wait. I went straight to her house, because i knew something was wrong, and i didnt want to be played, but she wouldnt let me in. Shes now blocked me, which i actually wanted. But i have this longing for her. Dont get me wrong, i have friends, im pretty much normal, pretty much. And this break up came up out the blue. Again, shes very fickle, and she loves with her brain, whilst i love with my heart. Should i get her back? How do i get her back?

 

 

Joshua

[spiderowl]

Joshua, I'm so sorry to hear what happened. Believe me, you are better off out of this. She is fickle and can change her mind just like that. You can never feel secure in a relationship where someone is like that. It is not normal. Whatever has happened doesn't matter: what matters is she changed from wanting a holiday with you to ... nothing! Some people are like that, they are all for you and in love with you one minute and then can suddenly switch when something different comes along. They must cause untold harm to others, leaving casualties wherever they tread. If you get an inkling someone is like that, do not enter into a relationship with them. It is a huge red flag!

Edited January 18, 2017 by spiderowl

[bakerjd1993]

So, guys, ive just come out of a 3 month breakup. She was a Gemini, i was an Aries. She was mixed race. So, it was all going good, until out the blue, on January 3rd she said she wanted space and time to 'think' about things. I instantly got anxious, because you know, why would you need time and space to think about things, when we can just communicate it through together? She is the one! But a few days later, i found her on 'pof' again.

 

Anyway, i still love her. But shes blocked me on facebook, which i kind of wanted. I still...want her like, because i see the best person she can be. We laughed so much. But her head was sometimes in the clouds. I felt myself repeating myself all the time because she was always on her phone. But she emasculinated me alot, like when her brother moved in, she said "Oh its nice to finally have a man around the house" and she called me a "lost boy" and she was just downright spiteful, but, i still love her. I still want to make things work.

 

Is this girl worth it? Because i know she is, shes so self-assured, and so independant, told me she loved me, i was her 'soulmate', but i dont know where i went wrong! Do girls do this though? Are they just stick and move? Shes being fickle, and i want what we had back!

 

Help

 

 

 

thanks

 

 

 

Josh

Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[PegNosePete]

I'm sorry but this is relationship is over. She has made it quite clear that she is not interested. You need to accept that and move on.

[mightycpa]

Girls do this all the time, especially when they're young. First you get a humm and a buff, then you get a humm and a rebuff and they've gone on to the next one.

 

I know it feels personal, but it isn't.

[Satu]

snip

Is this girl worth it? Because i know she is, shes so self-assured, and so independant, told me she loved me, i was her 'soulmate', but *i dont know where i went wrong! Do girls do this though? Are they just stick and move? Shes being fickle, and i want what we had back!

 

*What makes you think you went wrong?

 

If you don't know where you went wrong, you probably didn't.

 

 

Take care.

[stillafool]

How old are you guys? I think you should give her space but she is an air sign like me and will probably float away.

[bakerjd1993]

23 and 22 man...but yeah they was always this underlying feeling of....your just TOO independent, i mean dont get me wrong, i LOVE that in a women, she was a bit sassy, bit loud, but she was just too...callous at times. She loved with her head, whilst i love with my heart, like a dickhead.

[dumbass2]

I don't think you did anything wrong by what you have said, it's just that she has figured out that you two just aren't compatible. After you've been with someone 1-3 months is when you start finding out if there are any serious compatibility issues that you feel just wont be able to be worked through. Sometimes one person is just fine with the way things are going, but the other person is keeping things inside. Waiting to see if anything improves on it's own. People sometimes give hints and you're suppose to be a mind reader. They wont just come out and tell you what the issue is. Some people feel that that is just the way you are and I'm not going to try and change you.

[RatherNotSay]

From what you've said about her, she doesn't seem like someone I want to be with.

 

Even if you love her, it's not enough. Love being there is important yes, but it doesn't mean you will live happily ever after, could be just the opposite specially because you love her.

 

I say end it mate, she doesn't make you feel good about yourself, and to begin with, she isn't that of a great person. Try looking at it from an observer point of view, not from yours, because your view will be blind and clouded.

[EveryWomanJ2911]

I can see that this is confusing to you Josh and that you really don't understand how things unraveled exactly. Relationships are not an exact science and really require both people to communicate clearly, so that both people can go forward together in a good way. It sounds like from her point of view that she is done putting in the effort into this relationship. It also seems that she doesn't respect you, which can be a clue that you both see the relationship differently in a negative way. And since you've already separated, with very little encouragement to reunite as she is being ambivalent (flipping back and forth) about things between you two...its a good idea to really consider your own words.

 

You described her in some ways that suggest she doesn't care for you as you care for her. Is that what you really want? Do you want to be unequally matched with someone who doesn't respect you and who doesn't even know if they want to be involved with you? I think you know that this relationship is not going anywhere, but you need some encouragement that you can go forward and get different results. You can truly care for someone and they can still be wrong for you. I hope you take the time to really consider what you are looking for in a mate and what your values are in life, and then go forward with those standards before moving forward with any romantic relationship. I hope you heal and pray you have peace soon about this situation. Often times to really be fulfilled you have to say many "NOs" before you can truly say "Yes" to the right relationship. And I pray that you do find the right relationship at the right time.

 

Grace and Peace to you friend

 

When All The Fish In The Sea Are Belly Up | A Listly List

[Alamo657]

i see the best person she can be.

try to concentrate on the person she IS.

 

We laughed so much. But her head was sometimes in the clouds. I felt myself repeating myself all the time because she was always on her phone. But she emasculinated me alot, like when her brother moved in, she said "Oh its nice to finally have a man around the house" and she called me a "lost boy" and she was just downright spiteful, but, i still love her. I still want to make things work.

You're such a pussy, no wonder she dumped you. Be a man and don't let a woman drive you by the nose, when she instults you, drop her, don't beg her.

 

Is this girl worth it? Because i know she is, shes so self-assured, and so independant, told me she loved me, i was her 'soulmate', but i dont know where i went wrong! and i want what we had back!

Whatever she is, she doesn't want to be with you, probably because you're not a masculine man.

[bakerjd1993]

Dont get me wrong, when she said the 'Man' thing, i brang it up, right in front of her brother, i was like, dont esmasculate me, and she just laughed it off. So yeah, i did my part man, as a man, but she was overly masculine, like. 'Look at me' sort of thing.

[Jj66]

If a woman calls me her soulmate I am out of there as fast as I can and I don't look back. That kind of unrealistic pseudo-spiritual drivel always end badly once the disillusionment phase kicks in.

[fromheart]

If she is implying that you are not a man, why would you want to be with her? She is insulting and disrespectful.

 

If you allow people to say these things about you, you will be surrounded by people like that. Always walk away from people who insult you, disrespect you and belittle you.

 

In that situation, tell her that you don't tolerate that disrespect in you life and when she's ready to communicate in an adult, constructive fashion you will communicate back. Until then, you walk.

 

Imagine you said 'On finally there's a woman in the house,' in front of your GF when your sister came to the door!

 

Why would you even entertain the idea of being with someone like that?

[bakerjd1993]

Hi guys,

 

 

Posted on here a while back, maybe a month ago, to say, my girlfriend split up with me 3 months into the 'relationship' saying that she needed 'space'. She was the absolute love of my life, and it was a long distance thing, around 40 miles or so. And im just not coping at all, like, its been nearly a month, and i haven't had closure from her, her being a gemini, its like, she said, 'Im done, i need space, its just how i feel right now', over text. She was slightly rude to me, but at the time, i put that down to 'sass'. How she said 'Oh im just getting used to your body now, your not slim your just lean', and 'Oh its finally nice to have a man around the house!' When her brother moved in.

 

I mean, in no way did i put any pressure on her, but we hit it off so quickly that im afraid i was just used? I mean, she drove from her house 4 days after we spoke, and i spent the night, in her bed, the first night i met her. It was great, like, it was an instant thing for us. But now, im no longer in her life, because she doesn't want me in hers.

 

How do i get over this, like, we made plans to go away this year, writings in her diary, just everything made me assume things were good, and then now, nothing. I have my own life, but its just, im not ready to date yet.

 

 

 

Sorry this is so vague guys, just any advice to get over that 'one' person who had your heart, but she didnt want yours?

 

Thanks guys, love.

 

 

Joshua

[jamili]

Hi guys,

 

 

Posted on here a while back, maybe a month ago, to say, my girlfriend split up with me 3 months into the 'relationship' saying that she needed 'space'. She was the absolute love of my life, and it was a long distance thing, around 40 miles or so. And im just not coping at all, like, its been nearly a month, and i haven't had closure from her, her being a gemini, its like, she said, 'Im done, i need space, its just how i feel right now', over text. She was slightly rude to me, but at the time, i put that down to 'sass'. How she said 'Oh im just getting used to your body now, your not slim your just lean', and 'Oh its finally nice to have a man around the house!' When her brother moved in.

 

I mean, in no way did i put any pressure on her, but we hit it off so quickly that im afraid i was just used? I mean, she drove from her house 4 days after we spoke, and i spent the night, in her bed, the first night i met her. It was great, like, it was an instant thing for us. But now, im no longer in her life, because she doesn't want me in hers.

 

How do i get over this, like, we made plans to go away this year, writings in her diary, just everything made me assume things were good, and then now, nothing. I have my own life, but its just, im not ready to date yet.

 

 

 

Sorry this is so vague guys, just any advice to get over that 'one' person who had your heart, but she didnt want yours?

 

Thanks guys, love.

 

 

Joshua

 

She wasnt the "one" if she didnt want your heart. And thats really the truth of it all. Unless you messed up bad and did something horrible to her, prob wasnt meant to be. The "making plans" thing is extremely common and means nothing. You have to now go NC to heal and grow and eventually start your search again for the right "one" .

 

If perchance this girl was indeed the "one" she will come back someday anyways, so you just need to live your lofe and let the universe do its thing. You have way less control than you think you do, its all a ride. You only have control over yourself. Keep Nc and walk on.

[VeveCakes]

well you are 23 right? Lots of time to meet other women.

 

3 months is no way to know she is "the one". Also, 40 miles is not long distance.

 

That being said...its not easy. It can take a long time to heal and move past. I am still struggling every day and we broke up 5 months ago.

 

You need to implement NC first and foremost.

[JamesM]

I know this is a shocking statement but....

 

There is no such thing as THE ONE.

 

What we say when we say, "She is the one" is that if she never lived or we never met, then I would never have found "the one."

 

Now that you have protested and are angry at me, I thought I knew who the one was for me twice before I met my wife. And at the time, the idea of anyone else was absolutely unbelievable. In fact, I knew that if I found anyone I loved better than one of them, then she just had to be "the one." Even now after two and a half decades of marriage, I cannot believe there could be anyone else, but I am realistic enough to know that if we had never met, then we would have both met a different "the one." (And yes, that is depressing to say).

 

Anyhow, you too may feel that this short term romance was the real thing, and it may have been. She may have been a great match for you. The passion was incredible. There was something you never felt before.

 

As an objective reader, I think you are wrong, and "the one" is still out there. Brighter days are ahead. Get excited. This may be just the pregame to the real thing.

 

If it helps, I met "the one" when I was one year older than you are.

[d0nnivain]

Wow. Take a breath & take a step back.

 

 

You knew her for 90 days -- 3 months. You are charactering a 40 minute drive as long distance. Granted it's not around the corner but it's not like it required a plane. It makes me think exaggeration & dramatic effect. I can be guilty of that too.

 

 

Yes, it sucks when you make a connection & it doesn't work out. However, that doesn't mean she was "the one." As somebody else pointed out, if she had been the one, she would still be in your life.

 

 

My mom always told me I'd know when I met the one. I met this guy in grad school & wham! electricity. The first time we touched to shake hands I was like OMG! My mom was right! I just met my future husband. Based upon that perceived connection I stuck around for almost 10 years, which is probably 8 years longer than I should have thinking my mom & the universe couldn't be wrong. I finally gave in to all the evidence about why that relationship was so screwed up.

 

 

Years later I met the man who is now my husband. Initially I had tons of doubts. I had cold feet leading up to our wedding day. But over the years he has proven time & time again that he is the most solid, dependable best husband. 90 days in I never would have said he was the One.

 

 

So lick your wounds but do put yourself back out there. Your One is still out there.

[robUK]

You should read about Law of Attraction, basically focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.

I'm not saying to necessary use this just to get an ex back but us it to improve yourself and let good things happen to you. Don't let your environment control your mind but let your mind control your environment.

 

I've been in a couple of long-term relationships 7 years and 8 years. There were ups and downs but we always drifted apart eventually.

As my last relationship ended last August I started to see a girl from a running club I'm apart off so we see each other a lot and have same interest (she was Gemini actually). She lost interest over three months (I believe three months stage is the do or die part). There's a little more but we haven't talked properly over the last two months, it was hard but you eventually get use to it.

I am back on talking terms with this girl in the club because we were friends before so it seems a shame to waste a friendship and we started texting each other, although I initiated it but it's more the friendship as oppose to getting back.

 

As other people have said 'The One' doesn't exist as a person or anything else. Never close that door and if your open the universe will present great things (more than likely better than your ex)

 

I know it's not really the answer you want but you just have to do your own stuff, go gym, join a running club but don't date in the club (haha), learn to play an instrument or new language.

 

Your lucky because your young and have a lot of opportunity. Anyway, this will happen a lot so get use to it, haha, joke.

[Rouik]

Break ups are almost always hard, and they hurt when you are going through one. I don't think there is "the one" every relationship has challenges and they will only be what we make of them, there are more people out there for you. Find someone that wants to give you their heart as well, good luck and keep your head up, it will get better.

[fromheart]

Hi guys,

 

 

Posted on here a while back, maybe a month ago, to say, my girlfriend split up with me 3 months into the 'relationship' saying that she needed 'space'. She was the absolute love of my life, and it was a long distance thing, around 40 miles or so. And im just not coping at all, like, its been nearly a month, and i haven't had closure from her, her being a gemini, its like, she said, 'Im done, i need space, its just how i feel right now', over text. She was slightly rude to me, but at the time, i put that down to 'sass'. How she said 'Oh im just getting used to your body now, your not slim your just lean', and 'Oh its finally nice to have a man around the house!' When her brother moved in.

 

I mean, in no way did i put any pressure on her, but we hit it off so quickly that im afraid i was just used? I mean, she drove from her house 4 days after we spoke, and i spent the night, in her bed, the first night i met her. It was great, like, it was an instant thing for us. But now, im no longer in her life, because she doesn't want me in hers.

 

How do i get over this, like, we made plans to go away this year, writings in her diary, just everything made me assume things were good, and then now, nothing. I have my own life, but its just, im not ready to date yet.

 

 

 

Sorry this is so vague guys, just any advice to get over that 'one' person who had your heart, but she didnt want yours?

 

Thanks guys, love.

 

 

Joshua

 

 

The 'one,' would never break up with you, and 3 months is way too soon to deceide to know whether to commit yourself to someone so heanvily.

 

I'd recommend stepping back and asking yourself why you are committing so soon, and how you can regard someone as the one when they don't feel the same way.

 

Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, give yourself love first and give it sometime before fully sharing it with another.

[bakerjd1993]

Just a question

 

 

 

We spent 3 months together, and i just got to thinking, like, a couple days before she split with me, she said "I think im falling in love with you" "We're soulmates" All this - and then we split up because she was out and she wanted some 'space' because its just how she 'felt' right now. This was over text, like, and i just felt i was used and i felt i was getting mixed messages. But is normal for girls to do this?

 

 

 

In no way am i sentimental about it, but its like, why string me along?! I felt like a 'filler' for her, until she found the next one, and like you'll probably see from other posts, i fell in love with her, which was a big mistake. But i still do love her, but i just want to know how i can regain my power. Im sleeping with this new girl, but its just not the same. We had a different connection.

[Simple Logic]

Just a question

 

 

 

We spent 3 months together, and i just got to thinking, like, a couple days before she split with me, she said "I think im falling in love with you" "We're soulmates" All this - and then we split up because she was out and she wanted some 'space' because its just how she 'felt' right now. This was over text, like, and i just felt i was used and i felt i was getting mixed messages. But is normal for girls to do this?

 

 

 

In no way am i sentimental about it, but its like, why string me along?! I felt like a 'filler' for her, until she found the next one, and like you'll probably see from other posts, i fell in love with her, which was a big mistake. But i still do love her, but i just want to know how i can regain my power. Im sleeping with this new girl, but its just not the same. We had a different connection.

 

She was falling in love with you and correctly determined you were not falling for her.