Need after recent BU

[Sire1986]

Where to begin..

I've been single for almost 6 years, as most of my past relationships ended pretty bad with secrets, cheating etc.

I ended up just not wanting to deal with the heartache so I remained single until recently.

 

 

I started a new job and a coworker had my eye, we talked occasionally and I realized this was someone I had to know. After asking her out for a drink we hit it off almost immediately she had told me from the beginning that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship due to just getting out of one. I should have realized then and there that this was not going to work but my gut was just telling me to go with it as I've been alone for the past 6 years.

 

Over the past 3 months we were spending practically every night together, sleeping together, going on dates/trips etc. We were basically a couple without the title. She always said that she loved how we were because there was no pressure. At some point in our 3 month fling we got into a few arguments about her hanging out with another guy (also a coworker) who she claimed was just a friend, to put things into perspective.. she was friends with this guy before I ever popped into the pciture.. I realize now that it was my insecurities that were getting the best of me in the beginging when I should have been playing it cool cause we were not official. But I just couldn't help how I felt due to her not wanting to commit and us having this messed up situation of being a couple but not really..

 

About 2 weeks ago it was her birthday, she had told me that she wanted to spend it with me and also wanted to see this other guy for her birthday as they were good friends. So I took her on a trip the day before her birthday and ended up dropping her off back home on her birthday 12/31 (new years I know) to spend it with this guy (trying to be nice)

 

The following day (1/1) I saw her at work and she looked extremely tired and hung over, she admitted to getting really drunk and sleeping over at the guys house (she claimed she slept on the couch) naturally I was pissed and we argued. We ended up not talking for a few days and when I spoke to her again later in the week she told me that she didn't wanna have sex or wanna do anything romantic with me anymore cause things were getting too intense. She also admitted to sleeping with the guy during our no talking break we had (3days)

 

Since then (about 2 weeks) I have been a total wreck, we haven't spoken to each other since she told me she slept with that guy. A few times during these past few weeks I caved in and tried talking to her to rekindle things but she would make false promises like "call me tonight" then not answer when I call. Eventually I just gave up and stopped trying to contact her and just when I think I'm getting over her i see her at work and I completely relapse. On top of that, I have to work with the guy she slept with as well and I get super jealous when I see them talking or taking their breaks together.

 

Idk what to do, I just want to stop feeling like this. Work is starting to become unbearable. My performance is suffering And to top it all off, I try to ignore her at work and she repeatedly will come up and say things like "will you stop pretending I don't exist" "I haven't seen him since that day" or "I was only ignoring you cause you made me mad". She currently is playing it off like it was a one time thing, but I always see them talking at work and deep down inside I know she is probably lieing. As much as I should be mad and want nothing to do with her, everytime I see her I fall for her all over again regardless of what she did.

 

Please help!

Edited January 16, 2017 by Sire1986

[Nadine123]

tell her if she doesnt stop bothering you at work you are going to report her. simple.

[Sire1986]

I told her yesterday to stop talking to me which has worked somewhat, but I still can't help from feeling jealous and almost sick to my stomach when I see her talking to this guy at work.

 

Today for example, I came into work and went into the break room to drop off my stuff and there they were sitting at the table eating together. I wanted to just run out of work and never return. But instead I just said hello and left the break room as fast as I could.

 

Idk how I can get over her. It seems like an impossible task as of now.

[Nadine123]

Dont say hello, have some self-respect.

 

You will get over.We were all broken and jealous in the beginning and as time went by, we just dont care anymore. What you should focus now is yourself and self respect. You will get over it, I promise.

 

whenever you feel down just post here.

[SerPundnes]

This situation is 90% like my situation.

 

Dated a co-worker for 4 months. All of a sudden she felt the relationship wasn't working anymore. I was devestated. This happend mid october.

 

I am far from over her, but when I look back to how I was 2 months ago, I'm in a waaay better position now.

 

I have cut all contact with her. Even at work. Everytime shes around my office I just put my headset on and put on some good music.

 

If I pass her somewhere in the office, I just politely nod or say "Hello".

 

None of us ever initiate contact with eachother.

 

You just gotta stay focused on your job, and try not to think about her.

I've been recently hitting the gym alot, and it does wonders to my head!

 

We can get trough this! You and I! Don't let youself down because of a short relationship that went tit up!

[LitTunnel]

Bro, look. The truth is she's playing you like a violin because she knows she has you. Women are very keen on picking up on our weak emotions and she knows you're totally into her. The problem is you already created a somewhat messy situation and to be honest with you it was your fault.

 

Look, the truth of the matter was you had a good thing going with her. You were hooking up with this hot girl, having fun and getting sex. What more do you want!? Why do you have this need to tie her down!?!? You guys weren't exclusive. She probably hasn't even brought it up so for all she was thinking was she just wanted to have fun and who knows, maybe down the line she could've fallen for you but you didn't give it a chance.

 

You could've had had her eating off of the palm of your hand had you played your cards right, despite this other dude who's on the side but you are screwing up big time. You're thinking straight. WAKE UP!!! (SLAP ACROSS YOUR FACE, LOL). Seriously. But instead you fell totally in love with her and lost all your cool, the cool that she fell for in the beginning.

 

Bro, girls don't like it when guys chase and act weak. It's a total turn off. And God knows I've made this mistake sooooooo many times that it kills me to even think about it. But I've learned from it. Now I know what NOT to do and what TO do and falling for a girl before she falls for you is the single most worst thing you can do. Not saying you can't but you shouldn't show it so soon. It makes them feel trapped and pressure. It's an almost guarantee death sentence because usually hot girls have a lot of choices. Unfortunately when us dudes start acting beta and chase them, well, they're going to start testing you like she is doing now.

 

She's deliberately testing you now to see your reaction. She wants to know if you're strong enough to handle her when under pressure and so far you're failing.

 

But it's not too late!!!

 

You can redeem yourself. You have to start acting completely indifferent. I know you care for her but you must practice discipline otherwise you're seriously going to crumble like a deck of cards and it's game over.

 

Just go back to being friends with her. Don't call her anymore. Don't pay attention to her but don't do it in a way like you're mad at her. Just act like you did before you were hooking up with her. If she's talking to that other dude then just let it be like water off of a duck's back. I know it's easier said than done but fake it. Bro, you have to man up. Stop acting weak. Like I said women sense this stuff and they're looking for a strong guy who won't collapse under pressure.

 

It's all connected to our primal days bro. Just think Alpha male.

 

Go into work next time and have this care free attitude. Like I said, don't call her. Don't text her. Don't send her FB message or ANYTHING. NOTHING. And if and when you do start calling and texting keep them absolutly brief. Don't talk or text for ever. You want to always setup dates with her in person, not over the phone. The phone should be for setting up dates with her. From now on only SHE can call you. Let HER chase you, not the other way around. In fact, if she calls you, don't answer. Let it go to voice mail. And if you do have to answer, let it ring a few times. Don't be so available. Be mysterious.

 

I know this all seems like games but the truth is it's what needs to be done for you to gain her attraction towards you. Nothing else will work.

 

You still have a chance but you must be discipline. Go on some website and read about how to be an Alpha male because I was once totally beta too and I learned the single most important lesson of my life after my breakup and now I know better and so can YOU!!!

 

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

Edited January 18, 2017 by LitTunnel