Torn

[dearlybeloved]

Hi So let me just start off by saying I'm 23 and recently broke up with my first boyfriend of almost 2 years. The whole break up was confusing as I thought he didn't want to be with me, but didn't have the guts to breakup with me so I walked away. He had been acting cold towards me and saying some mean things. He also struggles with depression so I had been conflicted whether it could be that. Regardless, I felt I shouldn't be treated that way and walked away after a heated argument. Two days after the argument I tried talking to him to see what really happened. He basically confirmed the breakup. I've talked to him since and he said he was sick of treating me the way he was and that I deserved better. I was forced to move on. He had been my best friend. Everything I wanted in a guy. The one person I felt I could be totally myself with. The person who was always there to support me. He really is a good guy I just think he's been through a lot in life that he can be self-destructive. Self-destructive in the way that he started self-harming and struggled with alcohol. I had tried telling him to get help but he wasn't open to it. In a way I knew the breakup was coming.

Not much longer after the break up, I ended up meeting a guy who is a complete gentlemen. I wasn't looking and really wasn't even interested in starting something with anyone so soon. This guy was just refreshing. Doesn't even drink much. He seemed too great to pass up. The problem is we don't live in the same town, about 2 hours away. I'm not really comfortable driving up there either. Also, he is super religious and some of our values differ. Plus he's eight years older. At this point I felt like just going with the flow. Whatever happens happens sort of thing, no big deal. The distance is good for now since I'd like to take it slow. I feel like I need to find myself again and focus on me anyways.

Well now the ex is back. He wants me back. I still love him. I told him we could be friends and see where it goes. I don't think it's smart to rush into anything as I'm confused again. Sometimes I feel paranoid and wonder if he's just lonely or it's the fact that he doesn't like dating. I told him how much he hurt me by making me feel unwanted and I couldn't just act like that didn't happen. He says he understands and will wait as long as needed. That I'm the one for him. I feel like being friends with him will give me a chance to see if he really is working on things like he's telling me. I also feel like my feelings are shifting to this new guy. I mean, for the moment, I'm liking being single and just having fun and focusing on me. So I know not to jump into a relationship with anyone right now. I just don't know if it's a bad idea to even be entertaining the idea of getting back with my ex? I appreciate any advice thanks!

[Superchicken]

OK, first, I can see him getting into the same rhythm again, where he will have times of being cold, etc.

No one just "Gets over it", so be prepared to hear it all again.

 

 

You did however, make the good point of staying single, and so I would recommend you do stay single, and just date.

As long as there's no commitment, your not "Cheating", or allowing yourself to be deeply involved and then get hurt.

 

 

When one or both get a little too argumentative, then its time to pull the plug, and start fresh again.

 

 

Ted.

[preraph]

I'm just going to advise that you not consider what he needs or wants or why and try to isolate and examine what you need and want, and move in that direction, whatever it is. Good luck.