Jam005 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Hi all. As you can see I've posted on here a few times looking for advice when I went through some break ups. This isn't really a success story, it's more of just a coming to terms story? I don't know. I apologise for how long this may turn out to be haha. Well, for 4 years I had been with this girl. On and off. Now that's probably where I went wrong, she left me, I did no contact, she came back to me. This happened twice. She even came back a third time and I was a fool, I really thought it was for real. We never did anything bad to each other, I just think when things got difficult she would run and then soon realise the silly little things were easily fixable. Yes, I took her back Two times. I truly and deeply love this girl. I saw a future with her, she was my best friend and my lover. There was so many things left to do together, we both wanted to travel and see the world. I couldn't tell you In words how much I adore this girl. If you hadn't figured, she left me again for the third time last week after about another 6 months to the previous time. I finally think I'm ready to let go. It is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I have to. Each time she left me all I wanted was for her to come back, and she did. But it has hurt so much more. I feel so alone. I don't have any family to help me through these times and her family was literally the closest thing I had to it. And do you know what hurts the most? I still have hope for this girl and still see her in my life. I want to tell you, if you're going through a break up, you're not alone. I just want you to think, do you really want him or her back? Will it really work? Or will you just end up like me, damaged over and over again. Please look after yourself and try to clear your mind. I don't know if I'll ever get over what's happened, but I will try to walk this path alone and when I come out the otherside I know I'll be a stronger person and so will you. If anyone has any questions or wants me to go into further detail, just ask. Stay safe 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm sorry this has happened to you, OP. I can really feel your pain through your words. The one silver lining here, though I know it's impossible to see now, is that you will now have space in your heart to one day meet the right girl for you. That space has been occupied by a girl who isn't "The One." The right girl won't repeatedly break up with you. She will value you enough to work through the issues together, or mutually part ways - not bounce back and forth between breaking up and making up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfusedLover Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Jam, Sorry to hear about your relationship. I'm going through a no contact break myself right now. Wasn't my choice, but I agreed to it out of love for my partner because she said she needs space to take care of herself. could I ask you, what led to the breaks every time? Also, do you have any specific advice on how you've been able to go through the no contact in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Is this commitment phobia? Or was your relationship troubled by fighting or other issues? Sex life, logistics, religion, spending? Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 She's unstable. If you want stability this is not the girl for you Link to post Share on other sites
SerPundnes Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Thank you for sharing your story! And I'm sorry for the pain you're going trough right now. You just have to face forward and forget about this girl, as hard as it may be. She sounds very unstable, and she will be unstable until she get some profesional help. Don't wait around for the 4th time, my man. Theres someone out there that will value you for who you are, and will NEVER considering breaking up with you. Unless you do something bad .. Look at this as an opportunity to find real love! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
layla21 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I totally agree with the previous posts ... As hard and rough it is or will be, everything even a breakup is a lesson for life. It is up to us how to use it in the best possible way in the future. You have been hurt, you have been through a lot, you grieved but I can sense from your post that you are a posiitve and realistic person. Do not let the breakups put you down. Life is a journey and there will be someone who will be more compatible for you. When this happens, you will do better and the relationship will be more fullfiling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 I hear u bro same same hear she dumped after 6 yrs and worse we work together it's been challenging to say the least Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jam005 Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 Hi all, thanks for the kind words. I know I came here trying to give advice, but any help would do. Why can't I fully let go? My mind is occupied by her, I'll be doing something at work and it will somehow end up in me thinking about her. I just need some advice or tips, or how you went about letting go. I know answers may be cliche, but what small things helped you. Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Hi all, thanks for the kind words. I know I came here trying to give advice, but any help would do. Why can't I fully let go? My mind is occupied by her, I'll be doing something at work and it will somehow end up in me thinking about her. I just need some advice or tips, or how you went about letting go. I know answers may be cliche, but what small things helped you. Its hard to let go because you love her and she's your best friend and partner, like you said. Have you had a long talk to her about all this on again/off again stuff and see what the deal is? What is causing it? Fear of commitment? Has she identified the issue and aware of it? Also, If you really wanted to throw the towel in, you could try begging and pleading as sort of a self-sabatoge to make her never come back again...though i do not recommend Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jam005 Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 I don't think going to see her will help me at all, it just gets my hopes up and makes me go back to step one. I do love her, but it is slowly fading. But that doesn't mean I don't care and still feel for her. I just do t know how to let go and get her off my mind. I don't want to beg and plead Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jam005 Posted March 5, 2017 Author Share Posted March 5, 2017 Why am I still struggling to forget her and to move on? I want nothing more than for my mind to be at peace and to stop thinking about her. It's not as often as it used to, but she still pops into my mind a lot. I miss her, but I also want all this to be gone. I've heard from her a couple of times and it's been about nothing relevant to our relationship. It's almost like we both can't stay away from me each other fully? Please someone give me some advice on how to help the moving on process. I feel very alone and my thoughts are consuming me almost. Link to post Share on other sites
nowhereboy Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 No advice here but if you find the answer be sure to pas it onto me Link to post Share on other sites
JGB Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Why am I still struggling to forget her and to move on? I want nothing more than for my mind to be at peace and to stop thinking about her. It's not as often as it used to, but she still pops into my mind a lot. I miss her, but I also want all this to be gone. I've heard from her a couple of times and it's been about nothing relevant to our relationship. It's almost like we both can't stay away from me each other fully? Please someone give me some advice on how to help the moving on process. I feel very alone and my thoughts are consuming me almost. I know that feeling, brother. It's been a bit over a month since my girl dropped me. The first 3 1/2 weeks were absolute agony, like being stabbed repeatedly with Aragorn's sword. The last week has been a more gnawing, constant, decaying pain inside my whole body radiating from my heart. I think about her literally almost every hour I'm awake. The few times when my mind does become preoccupied, the universe plays a joke on me and a song she likes comes up or I find something else she gave me or I'm reminded of a joke we shared. Because I keep thinking about her, I keep dreaming about her. I just have no escape. I long to be myself again and feel like a complete person. I know it'll happen in time so I keep going with my head up, but it's so difficult and I'm so tired of feeling this way. I feel like an idiot too because she's already moved on and is having a ball at parties with her new boyfriend. Truly a dark period in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyStreet Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 I know that feeling, brother. It's been a bit over a month since my girl dropped me. The first 3 1/2 weeks were absolute agony, like being stabbed repeatedly with Aragorn's sword. The last week has been a more gnawing, constant, decaying pain inside my whole body radiating from my heart. I think about her literally almost every hour I'm awake. The few times when my mind does become preoccupied, the universe plays a joke on me and a song she likes comes up or I find something else she gave me or I'm reminded of a joke we shared. Because I keep thinking about her, I keep dreaming about her. I just have no escape. I long to be myself again and feel like a complete person. I know it'll happen in time so I keep going with my head up, but it's so difficult and I'm so tired of feeling this way. I feel like an idiot too because she's already moved on and is having a ball at parties with her new boyfriend. Truly a dark period in my life. A dark period indeed. I'm a year & change out of a relationship with a great woman, who accepted every fault I had and tried to hold on to the relationship as long as she possibly could. Yes, it sounds like I'm putting her on a pedestal, but I give credit where credit is due. As great as she was, I couldn't continue a relationship with her mainly because I wasn't in love with her. I had to disengage and deal with the long, agonizing pain of regret for a good 8 months. Although I still think about her and all the what if's and could've been's, I've accepted that it's over and have made peace with it. It's like watching a great movie that you wish never ends. Ultimately, you'll have to get up and leave the theater, whether you like it or not. Move on and let go..PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
breadbin Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 You still miss her because you are thinking about her all the time. You need distraction. You need to get busy with other stuff that makes you feel happy, sad, alive. You need music, friends, nature whatever you need to take your mind off this woman. I know how hard it is. I think we all know how hard it is but there comes a time you have to do it for yourself. Sometimes there are no answers. Who knows why she keeps ending it but you have to let go. I'd suggest join a hillwalking club. 7 hour walks up and down mountains will give you plenty of time to sort out this kind of stuff without even trying to. Don't do it for her, do it for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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