I feel like a worthless piece of trash

[randomtx88]

She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago.

I did NC for 2 weeks. Then we met a few times. That was probably my chance to just be happy around her but instead I ****ed it up by trying to convince her with words at trying our relationship again. Had I not been so clingy and willing to chase her, things might have been different. I regret it a lot.

 

About 2 weeks ago she even invited me over to watch a movie. During the movie she was all over me. She asked me to go to the bedroom and we ended up having sex. The whole time I was there I was so happy thinking she wanted to be with me again. I was so wrong. And that messed up with my brain a lot. How can someone like her, who values sex a lot and doesn't sleep around, have "no-feelings" sex with me knowing that I love her so much?

 

The few other times we saw each other she kept saying she didn't have an answer for me about getting back together, but her hugs and kisses were confusing me a lot.

 

Last night I asked her to hang out. She said no, and texted me saying she has no feelings at all for me and that there's no point in hanging out since I can't be her friend.

 

I still went over her place. She let me in and we talked. The whole time she kept repeating "I don't have feelings for you". She was being cold and a bit aggressive. Telling me about all the "bad" things I did that pushed her away from me. How it wasn't fair for me to ask her to stop talking to her ex bf (who she says is a really close friend), or how it was wrong for me to ask her to tell her coworker who constantly hits on her and texts her every day that she was seeing someone, and how me crying in front of her was a turn off.

 

She said I'm not an adult (we are both 28), and that I have the brain of a teenager.

I really never hurt her in any way. However I know I might have pushed her a bit too much into asking her to tell certain people that she was dating me, which I guess made me look a bit "possessive" in her eyes. But I really asked her all that simply because I didn't want to lose her. I trusted her, but I didn't trust some of the people around her.

 

All the things she said last night hurt me a lot. I cried so much in front of her, even if I tried not to. She eventually started hugging me and telling me I should go home. As I got outside her doorstep, she was basically hiding behind her front door, telling me to go because she didn't want to close the door on my face. That last moment with her hurt me so much. The girl who always wanted "one more" kiss before I walked out the door was basically "kicking me out" like a random stranger. I left in tears.

 

Later she texted me saying she felt really bad that she "pushed me out" and asked me to forgive her. I replied saying that there's nothing to forgive.

 

I couldn't even go to work today. I've been sitting on the couch all day thinking about everything she said last night.

Everyone always used to say I was such a happy person with a big heart. But today I feel like a worthless piece of trash.

 

At this point I have no hope left anymore, and I know she won't ever contact me.

 

I'm really sorry P, my biggest mistake in our relationship was that I loved you too much. I really hope you find the perfect guy who can make you happy, someone better than me.

[Neel]

@randomtx88

 

She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago.

I did NC for 2 weeks. Then we met a few times. That was probably my chance to just be happy around her but instead I ****ed it up by trying to convince her with words at trying our relationship again. Had I not been so clingy and willing to chase her, things might have been different. I regret it a lot.

 

Yes that was not the best thing to do. It is never a smart move to beg somebody. You degrade yourself and moreover instead of bringing them back, you push them further away. It is totally the opposite.

 

About 2 weeks ago she even invited me over to watch a movie. During the movie she was all over me. She asked me to go to the bedroom and we ended up having sex. The whole time I was there I was so happy thinking she wanted to be with me again. I was so wrong. And that messed up with my brain a lot. How can someone like her, who values sex a lot and doesn't sleep around, have "no-feelings" sex with me knowing that I love her so much?

 

Sex under no circumstance proves anything, if someone truly loves you. Sex is just a branch of the tree. That of course clouds your judgement when you intrepret it as "love-binding". Take into consideration the fact that true and nurtured feelings or love if you like will never seem confusing. In this case, i think you are able to understand if exist or not. Only YOU can know it.

 

The few other times we saw each other she kept saying she didn't have an answer for me about getting back together, but her hugs and kisses were confusing me a lot.

 

This is always disturbing, indeed. This is also a sign of immaturity. Be pretty neutral, and if she is playing walk away by telling her that you ain't playing around. Common sense, is never picking a fight of course.

 

Last night I asked her to hang out. She said no, and texted me saying she has no feelings at all for me and that there's no point in hanging out since I can't be her friend.

 

This equals what i wrote above. Stop doing that, because it is the exact opposite of what you are trying to do. When she makes up her mind where mind=how_i_feel_right_now, you cannot intervene with logic and reverse it. Simply let it be for the time being. If it seems hard to you, know that by trying you make it worse and worse.

I still went over her place. She let me in and we talked. The whole time she kept repeating "I don't have feelings for you". She was being cold and a bit aggressive. Telling me about all the "bad" things I did that pushed her away from me. How it wasn't fair for me to ask her to stop talking to her ex bf (who she says is a really close friend), or how it was wrong for me to ask her to tell her coworker who constantly hits on her and texts her every day that she was seeing someone, and how me crying in front of her was a turn off.

 

Obviously, the same applies here. Stop acting that way.

She said I'm not an adult (we are both 28), and that I have the brain of a teenager. I really never hurt her in any way. However I know I might have pushed her a bit too much into asking her to tell certain people that she was dating me, which I guess made me look a bit "possessive" in her eyes. But I really asked her all that simply because I didn't want to lose her. I trusted her, but I didn't trust some of the people around her.

 

Usually this phenomenon, is quite usual. The one who truly is something ie "teenager" drops it to other person. This is a self-projection. From what you described above, she is the teenager and not you. But what you have to know for the last time is that you have already lost her. The "i am 'fraid to lose her" is a wrong pattern. Do not beg. If she truly loves you, she will care.

 

All the things she said last night hurt me a lot. I cried so much in front of her, even if I tried not to. She eventually started hugging me and telling me I should go home. As I got outside her doorstep, she was basically hiding behind her front door, telling me to go because she didn't want to close the door on my face. That last moment with her hurt me so much. The girl who always wanted "one more" kiss before I walked out the door was basically "kicking me out" like a random stranger. I left in tears.

 

Now you know. Just stop doing this.

 

Later she texted me saying she felt really bad that she "pushed me out" and asked me to forgive her. I replied saying that there's nothing to forgive.

 

It is not about forgiving or not, it is about she, starting to understand that by doing things like these, harms herself and not you. From your side, stop investing until she is ready. Like i said, remain neutral, just a mirror of her actions.

 

I couldn't even go to work today. I've been sitting on the couch all day thinking about everything she said last night.

Everyone always used to say I was such a happy person with a big heart. But today I feel like a worthless piece of trash.

 

Of course, things like that can blow you away. Common sense, isn't it?

 

At this point I have no hope left anymore, and I know she won't ever contact me.

 

I'm really sorry P, my biggest mistake in our relationship was that I loved you too much. I really hope you find the perfect guy who can make you happy, someone better than me.

 

Yes most times the one who cares and invests more, loses the upper hand. I think, this is something that the nature of most humans likes to exploit. However, remember that she is like that the present time. Now. That goes with the constant alteration of feelings in which, now she pushes you away and tomorrow she wants you. In the end, it only comes down to human maturity and who VALUES you truly. If indeed is she, she will be there.

 

Edited December 15, 2016 by Neel

[Satu]

If you "feel like a worthless piece of trash," don't blame anyone else for it.

 

Only you can make yourself feel that way.

 

 

Take care.

[Marc878]

Wake up. You're devaluing yourself for what?

[salparadise]

Telling me about all the "bad" things I did that pushed her away from me. How it wasn't fair for me to ask her to stop talking to her ex bf (who she says is a really close friend), or how it was wrong for me to ask her to tell her coworker who constantly hits on her and texts her every day that she was seeing someone, and how me crying in front of her was a turn off.

 

...which I guess made me look a bit "possessive" in her eyes. But I really asked her all that simply because I didn't want to lose her.

 

It's perfectly normal for a guy to not want the girlfriend's ex sniffing around, or for her to be engaging coworkers who hit on her and text all the time. Don't let her convince you that you were wrong about these things.

 

She held all of the power in this relationship and she knew it. It seems like you may have an anxious attachment style and got paired up with an avoidant who was determined to maintain a fan club. This paring didn't have much of a chance in my opinion.

 

My advice would be a) work on reducing the anxious, clingy stuff, and b) choose only women who make good, clean breaks with ex's and don't have any need to encourage orbiters.

 

Degree of investment/commitment need to remain somewhat balanced and progress at a similar pace. Even an otherwise good match will have a hard time when one person highly devoted while the other is somewhat ambivalent. I think this was the situation you had. She was determined wield the power, yet she couldn't respect you for allowing it. She needs a guy who makes her anxious and does the avoidant role better than she does, and you need someone who is dedicated and plays no games whatsoever.

[Aesc]

Get drunk, have a good cry and grieve for a bit. Then get up, splash some cold water on your face and plan on how to effectively deal with your pain and your loss. Seek someone to talk to, maybe someone else who has experienced similar, or a good support group. Breaking up sucks, but it isn't the end of the world, unless you want it to be.

[Bromeo]

OP, I was right there with you. After she broke into my house twice to get her things while I was away on work, my ex continuously threw mixed signals at me for months. Text / no reply. Meet up / no progress. 3am hangups / no return calls. Called crying / wouldn't let me help. breakup sex, I love you's / disappear, said she was seeing someone / sent me love songs. See the similarities, and the insanity?

 

The absolute award for game playing was Thanksgiving week, please read about it in my tale of woe, posted here, under Bromeo needs to vent (copyright pending).

 

I am VERY empathetic to your post. When going through it, you feel like you are going insane, and act unreasonably in ways you would never normally act. I paraded another woman in front of my exs friends to make her jealous. Now? I feel like an ass for doing that, and while centered emotionally would have NEVER done such a thing.

 

I began to feel as if her behavior was normal, and rational, communicative women were the crazy ones.

 

You must, and I stress must heal from this. The ONLY WAY TO DO THAT is to stop engaging with her. Give her time and space to figure things out, STOP SLEEPING WITH HER, and most of all, and I didn't listen to anyone, STOP CONTACTING HER.

 

Please understand, I am only using brutish caps because I went through it before, didn't understand, and want to save you the same emotional trauma.

 

It took me months of introspection. I vacillated between Corey Wayne, LS, various books, long baths, long runs, anything to keep the stress down.

 

Finally, 2 weeks back I sent my ex a sweet closure email, and have been NC since then. Ironically, FB messenger notified me she was trying to look at my profile. I had blocked her. But that part made me feel good, after months of game playing.

 

Keep posting here, and listen to the advice the community gives you. Don't be like me, follow the advice.

 

As said on BB.com - "brah, those feels are a muddah" True story.

[AllyStrass]

Relationships can be very challenging with a lot of emotions. When relationships end or are ending, letting go isn't always the hardest thing, especially when you were with someone you were close with.

Breakups aren't easy, but try taking it one day at a time. It is okay to be upset and grieve the loss of the relationship, but I encourage you to try and continuing moving for yourself at least a little each day. Getting back to work may provide your mind and heart with a break/distraction.

Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to about this?

There will be bad days and good days through the process of healing from this. Hold onto those good days.

You aren't trash. You are perfectly you, with gifts and talents. Never doubt that you have something good and unique to bring to this world.