Dumped after visiting almost boyfriend abroad-Blocked forever after harassing him

[London_Breakup]

Dear fellow sufferer,

some breakups are amicable - and some are just naasteey. Its a long text but you'll be rewarded with a story full of weird twists and craziness.

 

 

1. Introduced to him in a professional environment

I moved abroad earlier this year and started getting active in local politics. That's how I got introduced to the son of a major donor to the party. I am some years older than the son (20something) and when his father introduced me to him because he is fluent in my native language and therefore a fit for the group I had established, it was definitely not his intention for us to start dating. I was blown away from his son the first second I saw him - and when I found out he was into me I was weirdly surprised and flattered. However, due to the age difference and the fact that his son was not at all the man I was usually dating (older, successful) I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation and rejected him twice. I have always been attracted to him but he was about to go on a year abroad to study at university and I did not want to get involved with him without us having a relationship back then. We went on dates with physical contact a couple of times before he moved abroad.

 

 

2. Me rejecting him despite being in love

When I visited him there for the first time during his studies abroad we ended arguing about the future of our dating relationship. At this time he said he did have feelings for me, but I rejected because of the unclear situation about our future and just left his apartment, despite being in love with him already. I regretted my behaviour once I was back home abroad but he ignored my messages and said he would not meet me again since I had rejected him. He refused to reconcile for weeks.

 

 

3. The catastrophe - He dumping me after I came to visit him abroad

When he finally agreed to meet up again, three months had already past without us having ever seen each other. So I hopped on a plane to travel abroad to meet him again because I had developed strong feelings for him. Since he wanted me so much more than I had wanted him in the beginning I expected our meeting to be great because now I was sure of me wanting him too even without a relationship. I did some minor changes to my look and didn't sleep at all the night before we met, in addition I was wearing a dress which turned out to be very overdressed for the place he took me to. When I first saw him I was very attracted to him but he was cold instantly. We went to see a football match on screen and when the match was over he simply told me IT'S OVER -- THIS WAS OF COURSE NOT WHAT I HAD EXPECTED AFTER HAVING TRAVELLED ABROAD TO SEE HIM. He didn't even gave me an explanation, he literally run away to catch his train. I went crazy over whatsapp telling him I love him and demanding answers. He didn't answer. I went to his university the next day trying to talk to him - HE SAW ME AND RUN AWAY!!!!!! Of course I was shattered. Since I couldn't think rationally AND was in a different country I didn't know what to do - He texted me back that there is nothing more to say and that he simply wasn't attracted to me anymore. I blamed the changes I had done to my look, since I knew that I was slightly different looking than I had when we first met.

 

 

3. Me 'harassing' him until he blocks me everywhere

I had to travel back to my home country and had no other means than contacting him by messages - he refused to answer my calls. and for weeks he refused to answer my WHY'S, angry, hateful, regretful, sad or reconciling messages. He never blocked me though... I didn't know what to do since I was rejected, hurt and through the forced 'starvation of love' completely out of my mind. I started to catfish him with a friends help and somehow I managed to influence him by telling him through the fake identity that he should consider that people always meet twice in life and he shouldn't be so hard on me. He finally started replying to my messages again and the fake girl disappeared. However, he still refused to give me a second chance even though he had arrived back from his exchange semester abroad. I just wanted to meet him once again for him to see me again and reconsider. He only wanted friendship - He still refused to meet me so we ended up arguing and it drove me almost crazy that since months everything we did was over whatsapp and never in person - so I went as far as sending him nudes over whatsapp (since I was blocked on whatsapp), moving in with one of his close friends (after I found out he was looking for a roommate) and send him daily angry/sad/pressuring messages. I just couldn't control my feelings anymore, nor could I think rationally. If I couldn't have him as a boyfriend, nor casually (he basically rejected sex without any responsibility because he claimed he wasn't attracted to me) I wanted him to be part of the political group again, as our whole relationship was supposed to be in the beginning. Finally he said he couldn't take it any more and told me he would block me until the end of the year - then we could meet as friends again. I was still so crazy over him that I couldn't accept that he thought I would just take him back as a friend after him having hurting me so much and refusing to have contact with me - I was first blocked on whatsapp - then I messaged him on Imessage - he blocked me there too - I messaged him on FB to reconcile - blocked there too. Then I messaged his uncle, who had introduced me to him - and found out that his uncle HAD BLOCKED ME TOO! This was when I realized I had gone too far - I waited two weeks and then tried to reconcile again texting from a different phone number - blocked there too. I know I should not have done that, but I just couldn't control my feelings and for me he was a very special person - the ONE you do not want to have out of your life forever., especially because of our potential to collaborate in the political group. Through the fake girl I found out that he was not seeing anyone else for the moment, but I am sure this will change very soon since he is very attractive and definitely a catch. I have now stopped trying to get into contact with him at all - and we have never seen each other again in person since the last time we met abroad 6 months ago.

 

 

4. Restraining Order/No reconciliation/What now???

I am wondering if he will ever try to be friends with me again - since we are still part of the same local political association - or if he will just avoid me forever since I scared and harassed him with my many messages and my behaviour. I have never tried to meet him anywhere without him agreeing to meet me. However, due to his involvement of his uncle/family, who introduced me to him, I am even afraid he would try to get a harassment order/restraining order against me. I just want to reconcile and be civil again. and I am afraid his family will talk badly about me in the political association and I am sure it is just a matter of time until I will meet his family again at an event there... I don't know what to do, has any one ever experienced a situation like this? I cant even get over it because I feel I never got proper closure in person and/or a chance to show him the real me since we in total only met for about 6 times in person, the rest only being arguments over whatsapp... Losing the one you once loved forever and completely is the hardest thing in life...

Would you forgive him in my situation and vice versa??? How can I get over it if I cant control when and how we will ever meet?

Edited November 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Satu]

If somebody doesn't want you their life, and doesn't want to answer messages from you, the only appropriate response is to leave them alone.

 

You should do this, lest dire consequences come your way.

 

Seriously, just stop it.

 

 

Take care.

[VeveCakes]

You need to move on.

 

He doesn't want you. It's over. No amount of crazy and begging will change his mind.

 

Time to move forward.

[DarrenB]

Out of spite, we say and do stupid things. Out of angst and worry, we say and do stupid things. Etc. Avoiding the inevitable would be insanely sufficient, that being able to leave what is now obsolete, alone and in the past.

 

I don't blame you for attempting to reconcile so suddenly, and voicing your opinions and anger towards the situation that had occurred between the two of you. But, unfortunately these things happen. Sometimes, it's just not to be and 'working things out' is far beyond out of our reach, anyone's for that matter.

 

After a breakup, any breakup but more so severe ones, the most plausible process is acceptance. To grieve, but to accept each factor of the relationship and how it came to it's ultimate ending. To act repeatedly whilst the other person does not approve of you doing so, is certain for aggravation and intimidation from their behalf.

 

The only thing you should be realizing here, is if there's every going to be reconciliation between the two of you, it'll have to be fully from his consent. I wouldn't hope and wait on it though. You must build onwards and upwards from this.