Posted keys back with short note

[tangowhiskey]

I feel really anxious and I just wanted to write this out.

 

When I asked my ‘ex’ 8 weeks ago for time and space, I needed to figure out if I could continue having them in my life as a friend. They didn’t feel the same about me and had never committed despite enjoying all the parts of a relationship I consider normal – frequent intimacy, spending a LOT of time together, being there for each other etc.

 

Ive posted about it elsewhere but basically it was hurting me to realise I loved them but they did not feel the same.

 

They emailed me after 5 weeks apologising for their behaviour, and I replied saying I forgave them. Apart from me sending a happy birthday text (which I regret) there has been no more contact.

 

I realised a few weeks ago I still had a set of their keys, so I decieded to wait until this week to post them back because I knew they were on a trip the last week of September.

 

It was hugely strange and emotional being back in their building (I literally spent 4-5 nights a week there for the past ten months) and as I posted them it felt like a final, sad little act of letting go. When I left I broke down in tears in the street.

 

Anyway, its now making me feel anxious. I don’t exactly know when they will be back from their trip and I feel weird knowing they will find the keys. I left a short note which basically said “I found your keys, forgot I had them and wanted to return them, hope you are well x”. I don’t know if I could’ve done anything different but it’s really playing on my mind. I guess I am hoping they will see it as a ‘nice’ thing and not weird. After all I didn’t want to hold onto their keys indefinitely.

 

Im worried they will think I am playing games by wishing them a happy birthday and then posting their key back two weeks later.

 

Guess it was just a horrible moment and I just wanted to write it down somewhere! I

[Toodaloo]

Don't worry.

 

I get that every time I look at the set of keys my ex had... I have now stuck them in a draw so I don't see them all the time but every now and then as I am rummaging about fro a fuse or light bulb etc I see them.

 

Its natural to have those pangs.

[Satu]

I understand why that would be difficult.

 

It might not feel like it, but it's actually a step forward.

 

Now you can block him from everything if you haven't already done so.

 

You can also delete any phone numbers and internet addresses you have.

 

If you want to.

Nothing is compulsory.

 

Everything is a choice.

 

 

Take care.

Edited September 29, 2016 by Satu