Ex engaged less than a year

[Punchkick]

Hi hi!

 

I just found out through a friend my ex of almost 2 years is now engaged 9 months after out split. ?? at first of course it's a little shocking, actually I still m. How is that even possible? I had a feeling it was going to happen because she is 40 and has kids. What really is the next move ? But still that's pretty fast. She tried coming back sprung the 3rd month we split but I declined hard. I'm not hurt or anything like that just more confused how someone can get engaged that fast. Looks desperate and sad. Any thoughts or similar experiences?

[ExpatInItaly]

My ex-boyfriend was also engaged soon after we ended our 7.5-year relationship. We'd lived together, shared the apartment, a car, the whole shebang. I too thought it was quite fast, but later confirmed he'd begun that relationship before we had actually finished ours.

[l8estnews]

My ex-boyfriend was also engaged soon after we ended our 7.5-year relationship. We'd lived together, shared the apartment, a car, the whole shebang. I too thought it was quite fast, but later confirmed he'd begun that relationship before we had actually finished ours.

 

 

Aww, I am sorry to hear this, Expat. I hope you are in a better place now. I felt angry for you. What a d*che!

[ExpatInItaly]

Aww, I am sorry to hear this, Expat. I hope you are in a better place now. I felt angry for you. What a d*che!

 

Thanks, that's a very kind message!

 

And yes, I have completely moved on from it now. That was 4.5 years and two boyfriends ago

[springy]

My ex got his new lady pregnant and moved in with her within 5 months after dumping me. This was a little over 3 years ago. I was overlapped as well. Oh well...

[Punchkick]

Yeah, I'm not hurt or anything just more trying to understand how that is even possible? it makes no sense to me. Seems rushed and a little desperate. It's one thing to have another bf but marry right away? seems a little weird. Ehh. This will be her 4th marriage. Good luck

[NIGHT1985]

My ex isn't engaged yet, but she's been seeing a guy since May, last time I checked she was pinning all kinds of wedding stuff on Pinterest, so I'm sure it's coming. Luckily I've cut off all contact and don't wanna hear about her life anymore

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah, I'm not hurt or anything just more trying to understand how that is even possible? it makes no sense to me. Seems rushed and a little desperate. It's one thing to have another bf but marry right away? seems a little weird. Ehh. This will be her 4th marriage. Good luck

 

That, in my opinion, is rather indicative of how seriously she takes marriage (ie, not very!) Her 4th by age 40? Seems to me you probably dodged a bullet, OP.

[asphyxis]

I've noticed that those who rush so out in relationships like that are generally doing more harm long term for themselves, and show an internal self destruction. Now I'm not saying ALL are like that, just that generally rushing into serious relationships like that generally aren't destined for a bright future.

 

Almost 2 months out and my ex is exhibiting the same patterns as when we first initiated contact.

[basil67]

Yeah, I'm not hurt or anything just more trying to understand how that is even possible?

 

I moved on really quickly after leaving my first marriage. I met my now husband only two months after separating from my first.

 

Anyway, moving on was really easy because I'd done my grieving for the relationship while I was still with my ex. Once I actually made up my mind to leave, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom and hit the ground running.

 

Hope the explanation helps.

[Punchkick]

It does help! I can understand that POV. But it I don't think it applies to mine. It was a nasty split emotions all over. fooling around for bit. Then I traveled the world and went NC. Never broke it until she did 3 months after. I only broke it to say never contact me again and how I don't want to be part of her life in any way.

 

 

She's been blocked ever since and Ive never looked her up contacted her. Don't plan to either. I personally think its desperation to have someone take care of her. She was always after that. Either way I think its way to soon to be real love and a family considering how close I was with her young ones and her. Thanks for the response.

[juniorrocha]

Why care?

 

Whether she's happy or not, found a great guy or not, will have a happy marriage or not... well, that's not your business.

 

However, I do have to agree that considering she's now on her 4th marriage and how quickly she moved, it doesn't seem like something that will last.

 

Regardless of the results, whatever. Not like you wanted her back anyway.

[staggerlee71]

dopamine. Tons of it. Mixed with a little afraid to be alone. 5th marraiage coming to a theatre near you

[aloneinaz]

4th marriage by age 40 speaks volumes. I also agree you dodged a bullet there.

 

My last ex ended us. I moved on. 6 months later she came back begging me to get back w/her. I declined. She tried off/on for months after even though I was in a serious relationship.

 

I learned later she got engaged to a guy 6 months after dating him. She then married him after only being w/him for a little over a year. My take is I really am thankful she ended us and honestly hope that marriage works for her.

 

People who marry that quickly after meeting someone speaks of desperation and specifically that they don't like to be alone. They NEED someone else in their lives to make them feel whole and complete. They are usually damaged folks with lots of baggage like my ex.

[Sunkissedpatio]

4th marriage by age 40 speaks volumes. I also agree you dodged a bullet there.

 

My last ex ended us. I moved on. 6 months later she came back begging me to get back w/her. I declined. She tried off/on for months after even though I was in a serious relationship.

 

I learned later she got engaged to a guy 6 months after dating him. She then married him after only being w/him for a little over a year. My take is I really am thankful she ended us and honestly hope that marriage works for her.

 

People who marry that quickly after meeting someone speaks of desperation and specifically that they don't like to be alone. They NEED someone else in their lives to make them feel whole and complete. They are usually damaged folks with lots of baggage like my ex.

 

Thank you for sharing that, makes me reflect on my disastrous break-up and his overlapping/EA-turned relationship. I feel at the rate they are going they will be engaged in a few months too, then again my ex has more baggage than the airport. Good riddance and good luck to them - ya no to the last part! :laugh:

 

I have to agree with this, people who move on that quickly reek of desperation and how much could you possibly know a person in under a year? Certainly not enough to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I dunnow it seems kind of crazy to me.

Edited August 29, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[aloneinaz]

then again my ex has more baggage than the airport.

 

I have to agree with this, people who move on that quickly reek of desperation and how much could you possibly know a person in under a year? Certainly not enough to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I dunnow it seems kind of crazy to me.

 

I think it's important to understand that we have to look deep inside and ask ourselves why we chose to stay w/folks that we KNEW were/are damaged. Obviously, we also knew there was compatibility issues w/them as well. In my case, I did some serious self exploration in why I chose to stay w/my ex even though in my heart I knew she wasn't a good fit.

 

We are ALL damaged and we all carry baggage. I did come to peace when I figured out why I stayed until it was ended.

 

I'm a strong believer that people really have to do some work on themselves to figure out why they chose to stay in toxic relationships. Lord knows I did. I believe it allowed me to heal fully and be a better partner to my now fiance that I'm blessed to have in my life.

Edited August 29, 2016 by aloneinaz

[buddy825]

This is a guideline to a woman dumping you. (In most cases)

She: 80% attraction level to you. She brings up some issues but weren't resolved.

She: 70%-65% attraction level to you. Issues are brought up again. Some arguments may have happened. Begins to question the relationship with herself.

She: 65%-50% attraction level to you. She begins to seek advice from friends and possibly family about the relationship and the issues. She will probably not discuss with you about these conversations. She is debating about dumping you.

She:50%-and below. attraction level to you. This may last weeks or months but she is at the point of no return. All that matters is what day do they pull the plug.

She: Pulls the plug. Could be a "minor issue" and you are confused. You find out she moved on quickly. But in reality, she moved on months before and is over you.

[preraph]

I think sometimes they do it out of retaliation. But it's possible she had something going on with him and knew him, even if maybe not romantically, during when you were with her.

 

After I broke off with a guy who'd been a good friend and wanted to have a relationship after his marriage ended in divorce, he went straight to this woman who'd been hitting on him during his marriage and not just wanting to be friends and moved her right in from out of town and I'm unsure when they married but probably right away. And only a few months before, he'd been mentioning the M word to me before the ink was dry on his divorce, which I did not say yes to. I think he was kind of desperate for a 24/7 companion. She's real nutty and you can tell just by looking at her and wasn't attractive at all, just available. And yet, they have stayed married, so whatever works, I guess. I didn't care, but I did do a doubletake once I met her because it just didn't add up.

[BC1980]

If someone moves on quickly, I think it indicates that they weren't as committed as you may have thought. I moved on from a 2 year relationship pretty quickly because I wasn't very committed to it. It was kind of an on and off thing that was based on physical attraction. My past relationship took me about 2 years to get over, but my ex got engaged within a year of it ending. It's reflective of our differing levels of commitment, at least towards the end. When I look back, I can see that he was one foot in and one foot out for a lot of the time. Hot and cold. So it makes sense that he was able to move on that quickly. He had already grieved the death of the relationship before he pulled the trigger. And he knew the women he married for years, and she was after him for years. So it's possible he could have been seeing her all along.