Finding it impossible to accept the loss of someone

[evotg]

Hi all,

 

I have been looking on google trying to find some strength when i found this website.

 

The story is, i was friends with a neighbor for around 2 years, and for 11 months of that we spoke everyday. We were best friends. She was in a relationship with someone but only because they had a son together, her partner slept on the sofa, showed her no interest or time and he didnt mind or care about us being close friends. Nothing intimate ever happened other than the odd cheeky chat and cuddle we shared from time to time.

 

A few months before we fell out her and her partner from what i could see tried to make things work and with that mine and her friendship went downhil rapidly. She went from speaking everyday to finding excuses not to speak to me, if i messaged her first in the day she would often get angry with me and it was as if i had to wait for her to make the first move until then i should remain silent. In may this year she visited me on my birthday and a few days later we had a big argument over facebook about the whole speaking thing and i said to her enough times why had she changed and she insisted she hadnt.

 

At the end of may she blocked me on facebook after ignoring me for several days where id messaged her trying to resolve things, she also blocked my phone number, so my final last attempt i messaged her on my second facebook account which i use for family, a few days later i was arrested and charged with harrassment because i admitted i had persisted messaging her after she blocked me on my original account, though on my other account i only messaged her 3 times, nothing threatening etc just trying to resolve things because she was my best friend and i did love her an awful lot, and i was so close with her little boy aswell.

 

Its now been 3 months and still i havent spoken to her, i cant and would not message her as she will only have me arrested again. It seems i got used for the lonely times in her life and now she has found new love in her relationship iam no longer required. She knew me inside and out, she knew id been hurt most of my life as a child and i had been in bad relationships and friendships, she knew i liked her, she knew i suffered with anxiety and mental health problems but now it feels i didnt mean nothing at all to her, the whole situation has set my mental health off and made me suicidal, everything is a memory of her, places, tv programs, music etc etc i cant get her out of my mind, but the main problem i cannot deal with is that im bein tormented by the fact il never speak to her again.

 

We argued, we fell out and we never spoke again. I need closure and its been 3 months now since we last spoke and i jus wish i could apologise or say goodbye to her and move on in a civil manner.

 

How much longer must this kill me inside with things how they are? ive never suffered any other loss like this.

 

Thanks people

[preraph]

I'm sorry this is causing you so much pain. You've got to face some reality though and take some responsibility. You knew she had a relationship with her kid's dad, and you went in anyway and got involved and right in front of him. Now, under no theory is that responsible or prudent behavior! If they are still in the house, they are still a couple -- a BAD couple, maybe, but they're still working on it. So you don't get in the middle of that.

 

Now, it sounds like she may have used you a little to lean on and for a shoulder to cry on, even though you let her know you're somewhat vulnerable and easily hurt. So that wasn't nice. Then OF COURSE when her kid's dad got actively back into the saddle again trying to resume the relationship, you had to go!

 

You don't need an explanation. He doesn't want you there. She's not in love with you. She needed a friend or someone to lean on and you were there, and now she can't have you around anymore because no man is going to put up with that.

 

I'm sorry, but it is a foreseeable consequence of the road you went down.

 

Now, pick yourself up and stop contacting her at all, and if you feel you are spiraling emotionally, make an appointment with a psychologist or if it's critical, check yourself in somewhere right now! Get help. And I hope you feel better soon.

 

Good luck.

[LostOnes05]

She gave you closure...she had you arrested. No need to talk to her ever again. She showed you the color of her stripes, so why are you trying to change them? No contact forever on that one. Doesn't matter if she calls you because her son is sick, she needs a shoulder to cry on, etc. NO CONTACT AT ALL.

 

Sincerely,

 

Your Friendly No Contact Technical Support Specialist

[evotg]

Thanks people

 

It never intended to get this serious between us , its just she was lonely and lacking attention and just before we had started to speak everyday i had lost my job through ill health due to existing leg injuries. What i forgot to mention was before she put an end to things in may i tried to do the same during march and she began texting and ringing me begging me not to let her go, i was her best friend etc

 

Its just tough because its as if she has died, she has gone about it all so cruelly, and never had the decency to say why things changed and then when i tried to resolve it she used the police to keep me away from her. She was a big part of my everyday life for almost a year and just like that shes gone and its left a massive void. 3 months on friday so im hoping it will start to get easier soon. It doesnt help with having a personality disorder, close friendships and relationships are hard to come by when you are like me but when they end so suddenly it does feel very much as if that persons died and are never coming back.

 

Thanks again

[privategal]

I'm so sorry. I've been left cruelly, harshly, without reasons or closure from a friend in the past and it really HURT badly and took a long time to bounce back from. It will get better and I just want you to hang in there and consider moving and of course do not reach out ever again. I'm sorry for your loss, death Is the exact way it feels.

[evotg]

Thanks

 

Its the most brutal thing ive ever been through.

 

Chances of us speaking again is highly unlikely, i wont message her because i cant but even if i did she would only ring the police. In our year of constant chatting she confided in me about a lot of personal stuff including bad mouthing her said boyfriend, i think the idea behind going to extremes of police is because she was very paranoid and didnt want anything she had said getting back to him.

 

Its been 3 months today since we last spoke. I moved in february and she used to come visit me at my new home, a small apartment i was renovating and since we stopped speaking i havent done a thing, i keep looking at things, i broke that plug socket while me and her still got on, i decorated this room, she liked this etc etc, even a faint mark on the kitchen wall stil remains which is the paint off the chair she always used to sit on.

 

I miss her so much and id be friends with her again in a heartbeat, but i doubt itl ever happen, shes stubborn and holds grudges, like you could say to any girl your trousers look funny but if you said it to her then the way she responded was as if you said she looked fat, dressed awful and her makeup was tacky, she proper knew how to blow things out the water bless her. Deary me never again.