Otter2569 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I was debating whether or not to go back to OLD - the same site where I met ExGF. I am not completely over her and her emotionally draining ways. This morning I decide to dust off my profile and who do I see online - ExGF. This really felt like a kick in the nuts. To make it worse, her profile seems to have a lot of pointed comments towards me ("My mans should...", "My man needs to be ...") and mentions all the things she loves - many of which we did together and are things that we shared. I know you cant polish a turd and you cant control what other people do or say. This just feels like a set back! Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Egad, why did you look at it? I know my ex is back online (I look using my roommate's profile), but I would never in a million years actually read his profile. Of course that would hurt like hell! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 Tell me about it! I wasn't expecting to see her on line. She has some "emotional challenges" and knowing what I now know about her I couldn't help but look to see how she was packaging herself. Link to post Share on other sites
NIGHT1985 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Better than knowing your sex is in love with her new guy :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 LOL That's for sure. She did look a little haggered in her pics and tried awful hard to showcase her sparkle and pizzazz. Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Better than knowing your sex is in love with her new guy :/ Freud? Lol 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Message her for a laugh I saw one of my ex's on Tinder. I swiped right, but we never matched. So, she must have been like "no damn chance" lol! Strict no-contact is about preserving people's egos in my opinion. If you want to be over it, take her off the pedestal and treat her like every other girl. Right now, she obviously still has some power over you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Aw Otter. Of course it'll hurt - it's your ex and she's still in your head. Until she fades out eventually, you could read that she farted at lunch and it'd still feel like a heart punch. You just have to accept for the time being that she's still got a string tied around your balls so she has the power to eff you up at times, but try to appeal to your rational mind and understand that no matter what happens, her power's slowly fading. Time does that to everybody, doesn't matter how great your boobs are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 Yeah, I have to remind myself how messed up she is, regardless of her amazing tits and smoking hot body. She can say whatever she wants in her profile - she is still an emotional wreck. You cant fake that S-it Good luck trying to find someone as fun, as outgoing, as adventurous, as good in bed and as all around awesome as me. That my friends, is a fact! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Yeah, I have to remind myself how messed up she is, regardless of her amazing tits and smoking hot body. She can say whatever she wants in her profile - she is still an emotional wreck. You cant fake that S-it Good luck trying to find someone as fun, as outgoing, as adventurous, as good in bed and as all around awesome as me. That my friends, is a fact! Here here! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Yeah, I have to remind myself how messed up she is, regardless of her amazing tits and smoking hot body. She can say whatever she wants in her profile - she is still an emotional wreck. You cant fake that S-it Good luck trying to find someone as fun, as outgoing, as adventurous, as good in bed and as all around awesome as me. That my friends, is a fact! I must say I find it amusing you imply a certain level of crazy is acceptable with "amazing t#ts and smokin hot body". You may want to re evaluated your picker. And yes, I said PICKER 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuanDelToro Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 It's 5.30am and I'm somewhat drunk after a night out with my girls but I'll try to make some sense. We all have been there and it does hurt like a bitch especially if you're the one got dumped. But replacement after a LTR doesn't come that easily, it's a road paved with disappointment for most of the dumpers. Here's a story. My ex was on OLD a couple of months after the breakup and when she found out I had a profile too she started abusing me sending me $hit messages with photos of us being together. I ignored her until the point that I had to respond and remind her crudely that she was the one that didn't want me anymore. She deleted her profile after that. Then a few months down the road, we got matched on tinder and she initiated contact. Funny thing is that I was using an autoliker and I was totally unaware that the app liked her on my behalf. Then again after a few months exact same thing happens. Universe has a weird sense of humor. In both cases I responded but I kept it very casual. Second time she texted me the following day to say that I've got her number if I need her. Then back on the normal dating website I made it to the top100 and had my face plastered front page. It was then that I started having problems with my account. Apparently someone was trying my login details and after several failed attempts the account was getting locked. That happened 6-7 times in a matter of two months. After a lot of back and forth with the websites support I escalated to management and I was provided with the IP of the intruder. With the help of a techie friend we traced the IP and to my surprise it was pinpointing to an area very close to my ex's house. I left things there and didn't do anything as I found it extremely immature on her behalf and I didn't want to be part of playing silly games. But it goes to show, well over a year after she left me, Prince Charming was still no where to be found and reality kicked in. So my dear friend if you know it deep in your heart that you were the best man she ever had, it is most probably true. So no matter the stress of rejection and the pain she caused you (and still causing) at the end it is her loss and regret will sting her eventually. At that point you'll have moved on and be with a person that clearly appreciates you, what you have to offer and she'll reciprocate with all her heart. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 Tink, yes there was an acceptable level of crazy. She was very free spirited and so am I. She was perhaps the first truly fun person I had been with in some time and we initially thrived together. Eventually her emotional demons came out. I thought I could deal and tried very hard to be supportive but you cant and shouldn't put up with controlling behavior and abuse for very long. I gave her more then a few second chances before walking. I'm sure there are a few lifes lessons baked in there but it hurt none the less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 Juan, I have no doubt she is suffering more than I am. Her life was crumbling around her as she isolated herself from her friends and family while pushing me away at the same time. It was a real **** show. The likes of which I had never seen before. I have maintained NC for 6 months...and I will continue to do so. Its just sad that someone you truly love turns out to have emotional issues. That's just the way it goes some times!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Tink, yes there was an acceptable level of crazy. She was very free spirited and so am I. She was perhaps the first truly fun person I had been with in some time and we initially thrived together. Eventually her emotional demons came out. I thought I could deal and tried very hard to be supportive but you cant and shouldn't put up with controlling behavior and abuse for very long. I gave her more then a few second chances before walking. I'm sure there are a few lifes lessons baked in there but it hurt none the less. It is very painful when you have to walk away from someone you love. I have done it twice. Once with a man I loved for almost 30 years, my ex husband and first love and then one I loved for only one year. Ironically the two hurt equally. I am of the opinion once you love someone you never stop. They are "with" you always in a sense. That is part of life and love. I try to think positive about the love I have had. I don't consider them a lost love. It is all gain and the experiences shape who I am today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 II am of the opinion once you love someone you never stop. That's a really good point. It may not be burning passion love but if you genuinely loved them they'll always have a piece of you. Eventually you get to the point where that's ok tho, so it's not like you have to be their lifelong prisoner, but some form of that love never dies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Awww I feel for you hun. I was with my ex for 2 and a half years. I broke up with him. Months later I saw him on the OLD site I was on....even though I was over him it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I quickly swiped left. He's just so broken...ever since I broke up with him (almost a year now) he still sends me texts telling me how much he misses me and how he wishes I would talk to him....so I dont think dating is going to go too well for him...he needs to get over me before he gets back out there....the same goes for you hun. Its ok to take time to yourself if you're not over your ex....if you dont...your baggage will only f*** up your future relationships 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I've been there! I saw my ex on the dating site we met about 1.5yrs after we broke up and it still hurt. There were things in his profile about how he is soooo happy with his life and career (things he can criticised me for during the breakup, not being good enough.. Not happy with my job) it hurt just knowing he was moving on, and I know he did. He has been with someone new for a year. Sux. Happy for him, but still, ouch 2.5yrs post breakup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 It is very painful when you have to walk away from someone you love. I have done it twice. ... I am of the opinion once you love someone you never stop. They are "with" you always in a sense. That is part of life and love. I try to think positive about the love I have had. I don't consider them a lost love. It is all gain and the experiences shape who I am today. You are absolutely right. This was the first woman that I truly loved so walking away from that, in spite of the craziness, was not / is not easy. For me it set a new standard for what I want in a relationship and what I will not accept. Actually I've always known what I will not accept, I just hung on too long expecting the good to prevail. Obviously, it did not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 I've been there! I saw my ex on the dating site we met about 1.5yrs after we broke up and it still hurt. There were things in his profile about how he is soooo happy with his life and career (things he can criticised me for during the breakup, not being good enough.. Not happy with my job) it hurt just knowing he was moving on, and I know he did. He has been with someone new for a year. Sux. Happy for him, but still, ouch 2.5yrs post breakup. That does suck! I hope that everyone finds happiness...sooner rather than later. I have no problem meeting people but when you have had a connection that blows everything else away you realize how few and far between these people are. I will never settle for anything less than I deserve and am quite okay being single. The occasional heart break...I guess that comes with the territory Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 Funny thing, believe it or not, I actually feel better. It set me back for a day or three but I feel that's its helping me come to terms with things. I haven't had my ass kicked by a break up in a loooong time. Its not fun 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Funny thing, believe it or not, I actually feel better. It set me back for a day or three but I feel that's its helping me come to terms with things. I haven't had my ass kicked by a break up in a loooong time. Its not fun I can relate. I followed my ex on Instagram for months after our breakup. Eventually, he made some stupid comment about "honest intentions" and "Netflix and chill," and whatever reason, it incensed me so much that I finally unfollowed him. I was really quite upset for a few days, but after that cleared, I actually felt much more "over" him than I ever had. Amazing what clicking one little button can do for our mental health. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 For months I avoided any temptation to look at her Facebook (she unfriended me) or look to see if she was back on OLD. I deleted her contact info from my phone and that was that. Recently I decided to unblock her from my FB thinking it was the mature thing to do and if she did look she would see its just normal everyday stuff. Seeing her on OLD with her bubbly charm and sparkle, talk of kissing and how outrageously fun and loving she is was a set back. I don't know why I feel better now? But I do...and that's all that matters Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts