Is it time to call it quits?

[Crinkle]

We just celebrated our 26th anniversary yesterday, and I don't know what I feel anymore. He has been checked out of our marriage and family for several months now, but it's gotten much worse over the last couple of months. To give you some history, our oldest child was diagnosed with severe depression 3 years ago. We spent the first two years completely focused on her health and well-being. She is doing really well now, but came out to me about 6 months ago that she is transgender. At my daughters request, I told my husband about 4 months ago, and they finally had the talk themselves about 1 month ago. I don't think this has caused our problems, but it has probably affected us in some capacity. Last fall I thought it was over, in my own mind anyway. I had to go away on business, and the first week away I was really resigned to the fact that there was nothing left for us to salvage, because I felt like my husband didn't even notice that I existed anymore. By about the second week he started to tell me that he missed me and couldn't wait for me to come home. He even drove to the airport to pick me up when I came back, which was not normal for him. Things were good for a while and then started to go downhill again in Feb/March. He works out of town at least two nights a week and my instinct tells me that is his way of having another life outside of our family. I don't believe he's having a relationship with a woman, but I do believe he has created a new social circle for himself away from home, which may be his way of separating himself from us, without really doing it. I just feel like the person he is when he is away is much nicer than the person who comes home to us. When he comes home he always complaining that he's tired and either sits on the coach playing games on his phone, does some work outside, or goes to bed. It doesn't help that he's a workaholic. He books work most weekends. He doesn't seem to want to engage with us much. He's not an easy person to talk to and is not good at sharing his feelings at all. Neither one of us are really. We're both very guarded people in some ways. I don't know if this is hormones talking and it's all in my head, or if there is really something wrong here. Any thoughts?

[runup]

There are some deeper emotions at play. What you two lack as of now is that deep emotional connection. People change and you two haven't adapted to the inevitable change that people experience throughout their lives. That's not to say that things can't work out. THEY ABSOLUTELY CAN.

 

However, in order for this to happen you both need to develop that connection. Ask him simple questions about how his day was. If he seems short, don't take it personally. In fact, try not to take anything personally during these conversations. Just ask him how it makes him feel, delve deep and open yourself up as well. Don't complain about how things are, rather accept mistakes and work to improve them: together.

[KatieCares]

Please don't give up hope! It's encouraging that your husband really started missing you when you were gone. People and relationships do tend to change over time...you two just need to reconnect, and get to know each other all over again! This can be very interesting and exciting! A whole new phase of your marriage opening up! Can I suggest counseling? This could jump start the whole process of opening up with one another and starting again! Blessings!