She Said 'I Love You' On Saturday, Then Dumped Me On Monday....

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Hey folks,

 

So, my relationship of just under six months has just came to an end, and I'm feeling like it was mostly my fault.

 

I have an illness that made me appear weak, and gradually my, now ex, girlfriend began walking all over me. I told her this was not on, told her I thought she needed some space from me (we'd been house sitting for her parents for a few weeks), and I left. When I went back the following day to pick up the rest of my things, she's left me a note, ending things with me, wishing me good luck for the future, and telling me she would never forget a holiday we had together.

 

I messaged her, told her I found the note, accepted the break up, but I would have been willing to work at things, and that she could call me if she missed me. She replied later thanking me, but I didn't want to leave it at that, so I went round to see her in the evening, face to face.

 

She gave me lots of reasons why she thought we shouldn't be together, but told me it was a hard decision to make. I told her again that we should work at it, because we still love each other, she refused. She also cried a lot when she said 'I know you would never cheat on me'.

 

After talking for about half an hour, I left, and said 'if you miss me, call me'.

 

It's now Thursday, and the only contact we've had was when she thanked me for dropping her things round from my place.

 

I would really like her to miss me, but I sense that her head had already left the relationship a while ago, despite telling me she loved me on Saturday.

 

I'm also really annoyed with myself, for exhibiting too many weak behaviours, as I have suffered with anxiety a lot in the time we were together, which is not a very manly thing to have to deal with.

 

My health issues really got her down, and she lost patience with it a while ago, and I think as a result I tried too hard, helping her with all of her issues, and occasionally buying gifts for her, generally trying to make her life easier.

 

My opinion of myself is pretty low right now, this is the third time a woman has left me as a direct result of my poor health, and it's becoming a bit much too handle.

 

I am, however, walking away with my head held fairly high, as I never once spoke out of turn to her, and was overall, a pretty good guy, and a great boyfriend, the problem with that seems to be that women, subconsciously, are not looking for 'good guys', they do not respond well to being treated well, it seems.

Edited May 26, 2016 by HereWeGoAgain1980

[Caster5]

Hey! Don't take this as offense, but as far as my life experience goes, women usually prefer healthy, strong men as their bf's / RS partners.

 

Maybe you should work on yourself first. I mean, these 'health issues' of yours - can they be cured, or reduced, or managed much better?

[LD1990]

I am, however, walking away with my head held fairly high, as I never once spoke out of turn to her, and was overall, a pretty good guy, and a great boyfriend, the problem with that seems to be that women, subconsciously, are not looking for 'good guys', they do not respond well to being treated well, it seems.

 

Not true and thinking this way will only impede your relationships in the future. Self-proclaimed "nice guys" love to complain about how women don't appreciate kindness and are more attracted to jerks. Usually the problem is really that the so-called nice guy has no backbone, constantly kisses the woman's ass, and is dull as dirt. Women aren't attracted to jerks, they're attracted to strong men who don't put women on a pedestal.

 

Whether this is you or not, only you can answer. But if women are constantly walking all over you, you probably need to improve your self-confidence and assertiveness.

[basil67]

That bit where you told her that her behaviour was not on and then walked out - I'd need to know a whole lot more before I make a judgement call.

 

How was she walking over you? What wording did you use to tell her that it needed to end? And why on earth would you presume to think she needs a break from you and walk out? Did she ask for a break and tell you to leave? Without more info, the bit about telling her she needs a break sounds like a really douchey move. Not at all the actions of a considerate boyfriend. Are you aware that your actions were tantamount to a breakup?

 

That said, anxiety issues will kill a relationship. We need to be emotionally healthy ourselves if we are to be in an emotionally healthy relationship.

 

I don't think that being a 'good guy' is your problem.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Ok guys, your responses haven't really been helpful, but thanks anyway.

 

I already know where I went wrong, I just came here to vent and hopefully feel better about myself.

 

I was 'working on myself' when I met this girl, trying hard to fix my severe IBS, I went for a new kind of treatment two months in to the relationship, to try to get better, so I could be a better version of myself for her, but it back fired, and the side effects of the treatment were anxiety, insomnia, dizzy spells, etc. This affected my self esteem, and also meant that I withdrew from doing any kind of activity, outside of work, which frustrated her. She is fiercely independent, needed space sometimes, and I was asking for too much of her time.

 

She gradually began to talk to me like dirt, and when I moved in at her parents place she began ordering me around constantly, which I did not like, so I told her that if it continued I would leave. She also became less affectionate with me, and that annoyed me too. It's obvious now that she was going off me.

 

I screwed up because I am unwell, I need to be single until I am better, I just met this girl at the wrong time in my life.

 

It was great while it lasted, but when I look back on the last six months, she was never as in to me as I was into her, so I just need to accept the break up, learn from it, and move on. Unfortunately I still love her, and it hurts like hell to be without her.

 

She also has health problems, is unhappy in her job, and eventually wants to move to a different country. I was helping her to fix her health, I found her a new job, which she is starting in a month, and I also told her I would be more than willing to start a new life somewhere else in the future.

 

I was a man for her, I was strong for her when she had a problem, I cooked for her almost every time we ate together, I cared for her when she was sick (several times), I gave her advice on various issues when she asked for it, I basically did everything I needed to do to try and improve her situation, but in the process I forgot about myself, which made me less of a man in her eyes, until I eventually became her bitch.

 

There are many positives to take away from what has happened, the main one being that I have learned a lot from this experience.

 

I made it clear when we got together that she was joining me on a journey of self improvement, and that I was going to require support at times. She wasn't kind, compassionate, or affectionate enough to be with someone who is unwell, so it ended.

Edited May 27, 2016 by HereWeGoAgain1980

[Caster5]

I was 'working on myself' when I met this girl, trying hard to fix my severe IBS, I went for a new kind of treatment two months in to the relationship, to try to get better, so I could be a better version of myself for her, but it back fired, and the side effects of the treatment were anxiety, insomnia, dizzy spells, etc. This affected my self esteem, and also meant that I withdrew from doing any kind of activity, outside of work, which frustrated her.

 

Could you explain in more detail? What means 'withdrew from any kind of activity'? Stopped doing anything but work + treatments? Or what?

 

I screwed up because I am unwell, I need to be single until I am better, I just met this girl at the wrong time in my life.

 

Agreed. "Better" both physically (health-wise) and mentally (self-esteem etc.). It won't do you any good trying to get her back, so your 'open door policy' is counter-productive here. I mean this:

 

I messaged her, told her I found the note, accepted the break up, but I would have been willing to work at things, and that she could call me if she missed me. She replied later thanking me, but I didn't want to leave it at that, so I went round to see her in the evening, face to face.

 

She gave me lots of reasons why she thought we shouldn't be together, but told me it was a hard decision to make. I told her again that we should work at it, because we still love each other, she refused.

 

Either you want to get her back and 'work at it' or you want to get over her and go on with your life.

 

Can't have it both ways.

 

 

She wasn't kind, compassionate, or affectionate enough to be with someone who is unwell, so it ended.

 

Well, you make yourself quite clear here. You need a different type of person to be in LTR with you. Or, you might consider just staying single until you get better, both health-wise and emotion-wise.

 

Take care.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Could you explain in more detail? What means 'withdrew from any kind of activity'? Stopped doing anything but work + treatments? Or what?

 

I basically mean I had become boring, not seeing friends, and not doing anything other that chilling out in the evenings.

 

Going over it on here is probably counter productive anyway, I'm beating myself up enough as it is. I had a great girl, and I lost her because I wasn't man enough due to illness. It's a very difficult outcome to handle, and it makes me feel terrible.

[Satu]

I'm severely ill with Tuberculosis, and have to take the four strongest antibiotics known to science for six months, but I haven't lost myself, or withdrawn from life.

 

I don't don't think your illness is the problem.

 

I think the problem is how you've reacted to your illness.

 

 

Take care.

Edited May 27, 2016 by Satu

[Itspointless]

I have the feeling I am missing things. HereWeGoAgain1980 you sound more caring than her. Sometimes we care because we want to be cared for. Was she up for the job, I guess not. Were you up for the job, well apparently you were not either. Perhaps you should try to care a bit less, do not worry about being weak. If a women does not accept how you feel she is not worth you. Better being alone than having to play a role.

 

LD1900: I have known enough women who constantly fell for bastards, always being surprised that he turned out to be.

[Lois_Griffin]

...the problem with that seems to be that women, subconsciously, are not looking for 'good guys', they do not respond well to being treated well, it seems.

Stop the pity party already.

 

There's a HUGE difference between a 'good guy' and a welcome mat. I'm sorry, but you sound like a welcome mat.

 

Aside from your post literally screaming "welcome mat" with every sentence, you proved it again when you posted that YOU brought her stuff to her - and she's the one who broke up with you!

 

That's not being a 'good guy.' That's being weak and needy and trying desperately to get in her good favor again by being her errand boy.

 

I think you need to reassess what a 'good guy' actually is. Until you DO, this type of thing is just going to happen over and over and over.

[basil67]

Yeah....I'm not getting how she was a great girl. Great girls may well move on from a relationship which doesn't satisfy them, but they don't walk all over people - not even doormat people.

 

The fact that you're pining after a girl who treated you badly and blaming yourself is alarming to say the least

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Stop the pity party already.

 

There's a HUGE difference between a 'good guy' and a welcome mat. I'm sorry, but you sound like a welcome mat.

 

Aside from your post literally screaming "welcome mat" with every sentence, you proved it again when you posted that YOU brought her stuff to her - and she's the one who broke up with you!

 

That's not being a 'good guy.' That's being weak and needy and trying desperately to get in her good favor again by being her errand boy.

 

I think you need to reassess what a 'good guy' actually is. Until you DO, this type of thing is just going to happen over and over and over.

 

 

I took her stuff back to her house when she wasn't at home, so I could avoid seeing her, and having her think it was just an excuse to do so.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Yeah....I'm not getting how she was a great girl. Great girls may well move on from a relationship which doesn't satisfy them, but they don't walk all over people - not even doormat people.

 

The fact that you're pining after a girl who treated you badly and blaming yourself is alarming to say the least

 

It's easy to assume, from my posts, that this girl was all bad. She was very much a Jekyl and Hyde type character, she has PCOS, and gets very hormonal for a considerable amount of time each month, and it seemed to be getting worse each month I spent with her. On the night I walked out she attempted to cook a meal for me, for only about the third time during our time together, she screwed it up, and threw her dinner plate across the kitchen, then stormed upstairs. I did think at that point 'can I put up with this every month?' But I loved her, and when you love someone you accept their flaws, that's not being a doormat, that is just how you behave when you care about someone. This was the point when I told her, 'I think you need some space from me, and some time to yourself' and I headed back to my place.

 

I have learned a great deal from this experience, about myself, and about female psychology, but I really believe this girl was an exception to the rules. I was warned by a friend at the start that he'd heard from her previous boyfriends that she is 'hard work', but I decided to ignore the warnings and find out for myself.

 

She needs a very strong guy, to match her strong personality, but unfortunately she seems to need a guy who's not really bothered about her, that she has to chase. When we met I wasn't really looking for a relationship, and made this clear, which seemed to multiply her interest level ten fold, but when I fell in love with her, began treating her like anyone treats someone they love, she backed away slightly, which unsettled me, and I began to make mistakes.

 

During our emotional talk on Monday, the point when she cried the most was when she said 'I know you would never cheat on me', because it's happened to her in the past, and I fear that if she continues to fall for her regular type, it will just keep happening.

 

As long as I conduct myself in the correct way for the next few weeks, I believe I can walk away with my head held high, knowing that I never once spoke out of turn to her, or treated her badly in any way, and aside from my low self esteem, which I am well aware of (so there's no need for anyone to point it out, thanks), most of her memories of our time together will be good.

 

She isn't what I would call a regular girl, actually the first girl I've ever known who didn't enjoy any kind of embrace after sex, or first thing in the morning, which freaked me out a little, those are things that I enjoy.

 

I think deep down I know on some levels we weren't compatible, but on others we were very compatible, this was something I was willing to work on, but she wasn't prepared to.

 

We were just a mismatch, plain and simple. Sometimes you don't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens, and I wish the best of luck to the next guy she gets involved with....he's going to need it!

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Hey folks....

 

I've come here to vent about my current situation, and possibly get some support....

 

I've been dealing with IBS, and related issues, for a number of years now, after doctors mindlessly ruined my gut with acne meds.

 

During this time I have fallen in love with three women, and all three relationships have ended, mainly due to my health problem.

 

My most recent relationship ended last week, with a girl I was madly in love with, but she unfortunately wasn't caring or affectionate enough to give me the kind of love and support I need. I made her aware of my issues right from the start, and at first she was ok with it, but eventually she lost patience, saw me as a weak person, and began to walk all over me. I pulled her up on the way she was talking down to me all the time, and told her I would giver her some space. The next day I went to her house to pick up my things, and I found a note breaking it off with me.

 

I feel destroyed, because I really thought I had a future with this girl, and she knew what I was going through, but I think she was under the illusion that I was going to get better at some point.

 

I think it's so much worse to be like this if you're a man, women want strong healthy guys, which is exactly what I was before this happened. I used to weigh 82kg, I worked out 6 times a week, had a 6 pack, rounded shoulders, and an all round athletic physique, then my doctor put me on a course of Accutane, and that started me on a downward spiral toward a myriad of health hurdles. I now weigh 74kg, hardly ever work out, get tired a lot, my skin isn't great, I avoid a long list of foods, spend about £150 a month on different supplements, often miss work due to illness, have constant movement in my gut, suffer from anxiety and mild depression, don't drink alcohol, and generally just don't have much fun. I've spent LOADS of money trying to fix myself, including £6,000 on a new treatment, which cured my CFS, but I still suffer with IBS.

 

I don't really know what to do at this point, I wish my girlfriend would take me back, but she's not one to go back on her word. I feel stupid, sick, worthless, unloveable, unattractive, hopeless, etc, and I miss her like crazy.

[Audacious]

You need to work on your dependance and neediness first before starting anything remotely close to a relationship ,

being in a relationship implies " hey , I can deal with my own s#$t and I can deal with someone else's s#$t "

you are not in that place right now , women , for the most part , look for a man who would support them and please them , they don't like a man who require their constant support and nurturing . work on yourself man

 

I used to weigh 82kg, I worked out 6 times a week, had a 6 pack, rounded shoulders, and an all round athletic physique, then my doctor put me on a course of Accutane, and that started me on a downward spiral toward a myriad of health hurdles. I now weigh 74kg, hardly ever work out, get tired a lot, my skin isn't great, I avoid a long list of foods, spend about £150 a month on different supplements, often miss work due to illness, have constant movement in my gut, suffer from anxiety and mild depression, don't drink alcohol, and generally just don't have much fun. I've spent LOADS of money trying to fix myself, including £6,000 on a new treatment, which cured my CFS, but I still suffer with IBS.

[tinkerbell16]

Hey folks....

 

I've come here to vent about my current situation, and possibly get some support....

 

I've been dealing with IBS, and related issues, for a number of years now, after doctors mindlessly ruined my gut with acne meds.

 

During this time I have fallen in love with three women, and all three relationships have ended, mainly due to my health problem.

 

My most recent relationship ended last week, with a girl I was madly in love with, but she unfortunately wasn't caring or affectionate enough to give me the kind of love and support I need. I made her aware of my issues right from the start, and at first she was ok with it, but eventually she lost patience, saw me as a weak person, and began to walk all over me. I pulled her up on the way she was talking down to me all the time, and told her I would giver her some space. The next day I went to her house to pick up my things, and I found a note breaking it off with me.

 

I feel destroyed, because I really thought I had a future with this girl, and she knew what I was going through, but I think she was under the illusion that I was going to get better at some point.

 

I think it's so much worse to be like this if you're a man, women want strong healthy guys, which is exactly what I was before this happened. I used to weigh 82kg, I worked out 6 times a week, had a 6 pack, rounded shoulders, and an all round athletic physique, then my doctor put me on a course of Accutane, and that started me on a downward spiral toward a myriad of health hurdles. I now weigh 74kg, hardly ever work out, get tired a lot, my skin isn't great, I avoid a long list of foods, spend about £150 a month on different supplements, often miss work due to illness, have constant movement in my gut, suffer from anxiety and mild depression, don't drink alcohol, and generally just don't have much fun. I've spent LOADS of money trying to fix myself, including £6,000 on a new treatment, which cured my CFS, but I still suffer with IBS.

 

I don't really know what to do at this point, I wish my girlfriend would take me back, but she's not one to go back on her word. I feel stupid, sick, worthless, unloveable, unattractive, hopeless, etc, and I miss her like crazy.

 

Take this break as an opportunity to work on getting healthy. The medications you are taking are really dangerous imo (have you read the list of side effects of Accutane?). It may directly be the cause of IBS... try a holistic aproach to cure the skin and gut problem. You said your skin is not great... why risk all the side effects of of medication if it isn't curing your skin? Some people see dramatic improvements with acne and IBS when eliminating dairy and gluten from their diets. It is worth a try. Your system will take months to right itself from the medication so give it time to turn around. You need time to heal your heart to before jumping into a new relationship anyhow. It will be time well spent for your healing all th way round.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

You need to work on your dependance and neediness first before starting anything remotely close to a relationship ,

being in a relationship implies " hey , I can deal with my own s#$t and I can deal with someone else's s#$t "

you are not in that place right now , women , for the most part , look for a man who would support them and please them , they don't like a man who require their constant support and nurturing . work on yourself man

 

Some big assumptions being made here. I gave her all the support she needed, and then some, but I had issues with it not being returned. Perhaps the takeaway is to not get involved with another selfish woman.

 

I was working on my self when we met, this I made clear, she offered to help, unfortunately she just wasn't up to the job.

[Larryville]

During this time I have fallen in love with three women

 

unfortunately wasn't caring or affectionate enough to give me the kind of love and support I need.

 

You need to work on your dependance and neediness

 

Wow I don’t get why I am reading so many of these freaking threads where people are describing “falling in love” as easily as getting a cup of coffee.

 

Where is all of this extreme neediness coming from?

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Since when was it a crime to fall in love? It's a basic human need.

 

There are big differences between having 'needs' and being 'needy'.

 

Love should be enjoyed and celebrated, not referred to as 'neediness'.

 

I have been in a relationship with someone who was 'needy', and trust me, there is a massive difference.

 

A 'needy' person needs you around at every second of every day, a 'needy' person needs to be held all night in bed, a 'needy' person needs you to drop your friends and family, and spend all your time with them, a 'needy' person constantly needs reassurance that you aren't going to cheat on them every time you leave the house.

[tinkerbell16]

Since when was it a crime to fall in love? It's a basic human need.

 

There are big differences between having 'needs' and being 'needy'.

 

Love should be enjoyed and celebrated, not referred to as 'neediness'.

 

I have been in a relationship with someone who was 'needy', and trust me, there is a massive difference.

 

A 'needy' person needs you around at every second of every day, a 'needy' person needs to be held all night in bed, a 'needy' person needs you to drop your friends and family, and spend all your time with them, a 'needy' person constantly needs reassurance that you aren't going to cheat on them every time you leave the house.

 

I feel for you. You have a lot going on with your health and I imagine that is very frustrating to deal with and in and of itself can cause anxiety and depression. We all have our own issues some larger than others. Try focusing on the positive you do have. It will help with the depression. When people leave you they are not the right one for you. The right one doesn't leave. Direct your energy you are focusing on her to yourself and what brings you joy. Maybe it's music, sports, whatever. If you are in a rut try new things. Stay active. Pay attention to what makes you smile and do more of it. There is nothing wrong with desiring romantic love. It is human. I consider it icing on the cake when it is with the right person but not absolutely necessary for a joyous life.

[Gaeta]

Hello OP I am very sorry for your health issues.

 

How long were those relationships before these ladies quit on you?

[Larryville]

Since when was it a crime to fall in love? It's a basic human need.

 

There are big differences between having 'needs' and being 'needy'.

 

Yup but YOU said...

 

she unfortunately wasn't caring or affectionate enough to give me the kind of love and support I need

 

When you fall in love with every woman you are with that is an issue.

 

Nothing wrong with falling “in love” ITS AWESOME! IF it is truly love (can you correctly identify) AND if it reciprocated.

 

I'm just going by what you stated, all I have or anybody here has to go by.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Yup but YOU said...

 

 

 

When you fall in love with every woman you are with that is an issue.

 

Nothing wrong with falling “in love” ITS AWESOME! IF it is truly love (can you correctly identify) AND if it reciprocated.

 

I'm just going by what you stated, all I have or anybody here has to go by.

 

All three women told me they loved me, but I will admit to saying it first with the most recent.

 

I'm well aware that I made a myriad of mistakes, mistakes that I didn't even know were mistakes until I'd made them. Most of them however were made out of fear, the fear that I would lose her due to my health issue, and as the awesome Corey Wayne states, 'what you fear, you attract'.

 

I screwed up, and what really stings is that I screwed up with a girl I really wanted in my life, the kind of girl that has several other men waiting in the wings for you to mess up.

 

Had I not been ill, I would have been a lot stronger for her, and more importantly, for myself.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Hello OP I am very sorry for your health issues.

 

How long were those relationships before these ladies quit on you?

 

First one was a year, second was 18 months, and the most recent was 6 months.

[HereWeGoAgain1980]

Hey folks....

 

My girlfriend finished with me last Monday, and I went straight into NC, only sending her a message on Facebook, telling her I was unfriending her, so we could both move on.

 

I was sat at home missing her a lot, about an hour ago, and my phone began to ring, displaying 'No Caller ID'. As soon as I picked it up whoever was at the other end hung up on me.

 

My gut is telling me it was her, do you think I'm right?