not sure what's going on with my ex! :(

[nyr11]

just to start off this is super lengthy but I'm desperate for help! I e been quiet for a while now & im starting to go crazy with all the mixed signals from my ex so here is everything:

 

me and me ex broke up a month & a half ago. we were together for 2 & a half years & had an amazing & wholehearted relationship despite all the petty & small arguments every relationship has. we loved each other so much & were always faithful. everyone loved us together because we were such a mature couple. her parents & whole family adored me & my family loved her too.

 

everything was nearly perfect until the last 6-4 months of the relationship turned sour from stress on both ends. A LOT of blaming each other for everything. we neglected our love for each other, not in a terrible way, but we were hurtful to each other because of work & classes & other things (we're in college). eventually we started fighting a lot from stress & negativity & took a week apart. she always would tell me she didn't know what she wanted & after a week she said she wanted to try again.

 

she sent me a novel in a text of everything she wanted me to change so I changed them. I asked her for two things, better communication & to show me affection. she didn't do either of those & got mad when I was upset about it. she made it seem like a chore almost but looking back she was probably thinking I was clingy & getting tired of me.

 

it lasted two weeks until we split again considering we didn't spend enough time apart & change as people or reflect thoroughly on the relationship. she said "I wanted goals as a couple & personal goals but I felt like I had to nag you to want those goals. (I was taking antidepressants for a while & they made me a zombie. I've been off them for months now though) somewhere down the line we stopped getting along & I don't know where. It sucks cause I miss you & wonder what you're doing but I don't know what to think right now other than to take time for ourselves" so I just agreed & we ended it.

 

she also said "we stopped doing things together & you stopped doing things for me like getting flowers or taking me out or just a little post on Instagram i don't know" & that hurt me cause with what little money I had I tried my best to take care of her needs & she pretty much told me it wasn't enough.

 

but after that, we had a month of not really speaking to each other except for two times & it was small bitter arguments, she was constantly liking this guy's tweets & pictures & he was doing the same to her. they had a history back in high school of liking each other but this was before i met her. & I dont know if she did it just to piss me off or if she actually likes this guy & is trying to get through to him & hangout or hookup or something. I know she's not someone to sleep around or anything like that.

 

i just don't know cause she's changed a little but it may just be from all the negative stuff that happened between us. what I do know is that she doesn't have a new boyfriend (unless she's keeping it in the DL but I doubt it) & isn't currently dating. shes actually an amazing person & I know it since I've been in love with her for over 2 years. but she would post stuff on social media that was directed towards me & made me feel like crap for all the mistakes I made (as if I didn't already know) & like other guy's stuff like I said. plus she still likes all my posts on social media. like wtf????

 

I posted a picture with another girl & she freaked out about it tweeting "everything you didn't do for me you did for her" & literally said 4 sentences to the girl I took the picture with. like I barely knew her at all. so I unfollowed my ex from Twitter.

 

I owed money to her parents so I did the responsible thing by putting the cash in an envelope along with a hand written letter that was VERY heartfelt (my mother cried when she read it before I gave it to them). I wanted to make sure they got it & I never heard back from the mother so I asked my ex if her mom got the money & she said "yes that was very sweet. you didn't have to do that, thank you for the kind words. you'll always leave a strong mark on me. but why did you do this now? I feel like you did it to get under my skin & bring back memories. & I know we both don't know what's going to happen with us right now but I don't want you to completely delete me from your life. i'd hope to be civil so why did you unfollow me?"

 

I was shocked by the compete craze she was in going back & forth. I told her id be more than happy to talk about everything over coffee & she replied with this: "I don't want to have a face to face conversation right now. I hope you're doing well & wish you the best of luck."

 

so that was the end of the that & I never replied. then a week later we hit it off for an entire day. I reached out to her once more & was like "just saw an eclipse that looked like your old car & thought of you. I loved that car. been thinking a lot about us & thought you should know. hope you're doing well." & she replied & said she's been thinking about me too & about her dog & her family & she's excited I'm going to the same school as her & to rush the fraternity that always hangsout with her sorority & blah blah blah.

 

we just casually texted the whole day until like 6 pm where she stopped replying but I knew my place & didn't text her again. I know she's been wanting time & i think it's been long enough for me to know I want her. but she's been sending mixed signals everytime we talked.

 

I know everything that went wrong with us, I know the mistakes I made, & I am willing to apologize but I don't know when or if I should. as you can see my mind is going a mile a minute lol & I don't know what to make of any of this. I'd love to have one more shot together since we've spent a decent amount of time apart & ive actually elaborated & my faults & how much I truly do love her. I just don't want to reach out to her again if she's not ready & push her away.

 

so what does this sound like & what should I do? & sorry for such a long thread a lot has happened in this time period so I thought I'd give the run down! HELP!

Edited May 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
wall of text ~6

[AVeryConfusedGuy]

It almost sounds slightly similar to my situation. Honestly the best advice is to let her go for now and drop all communication. I'm not saying that you guys won't have a chance again in the future, but sometimes timing can effect relationships. Sometimes phases happen in relationships and every couple goes through something, all of them are different.

Drop all communication with her, go no contact and give yourselves some distance so you guys can reflect and work on yourselves. You said that you know your mistakes and have fixed them... So certain, are you? Nobody can fix flaws and bad behaviors about themselves in such a short amount of time.

You miss her, you want to be with her, those feelings are true and natural, but do not be deceived and let that be the reasoning to getting back together. Simply missing someone and wanting them back into your life is not what is going to fix your relationship and stop previous problems. SOMETHING isn't clicking in your relationship with her, and it is up to both of you to take time apart and figure out WHY and what can truly change and be fixed.

 

I dated my ex girlfriend for 4 years and she broke up with me 3 months ago. I thought we were inseparable and we were beyond close, but something was off towards the end. She became unhappy, depressed and was questioning 'us' so she made the decision to break it off. I never understood my flaws until AFTER she was gone and not in my life anymore. I've been working on myself and bettering myself as an individual since the breakup. It's been 3 months and she's yet to reach out, but I remain to be hopeful to better myself and in the chance that either she will come back or I meet someone else, I won't make the same mistakes I made before again.

[nyr11]

I know it does sound crazy but I truly do believe I'm a better person from this & I can utilize that in rekindling the relationship. I used to be like your exgirlfriend: depressed, unmotivated to do anything, negative, shameful, insecure about myself, jealous. all of those aspects in my attitude drove her away & I didn't realize it until about 3 weeks after we split. I've been going to the gym everyday, going out sometimes, talking to other girls, etc. I've had a lot of help & support as well from my cousin who's been guiding me through this. he's been through it before. but when I realized I wanted her back more than anything was when i would speak to other girls & just not feel it. especially with very attractive girls. all I thought about was her. I'm not sure if she wants to get back together or if she's out sleeping with or dating other guys, but all I know is my mindset has changed COMPLETELY. I'm beginning to miss her & all the little things. not just the sex, or the things she did for me. the actual little things that made our relationship what it was & that's what I miss. I think that's love & not loneliness honestly. we had an amazing relationship & I believe that it's possible to have that again. I still have yet to hear from her but she's on social media which is fine. I'm giving her the space she needs. I just don't want her to move on or forget about me or think I'm the same Denny downer I used to be. & im not saying the break up was all my fault cause she had many flaws that need to change as well, but I'm willing to be by her side for the help & unconditional love she needs.

[mamabear32018]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Since she asked for space, stepping back as you have sounds like a wise decision. Perhaps just wait and see what happens from there?

[AVeryConfusedGuy]

I know it does sound crazy but I truly do believe I'm a better person from this & I can utilize that in rekindling the relationship. I used to be like your exgirlfriend: depressed, unmotivated to do anything, negative, shameful, insecure about myself, jealous. all of those aspects in my attitude drove her away & I didn't realize it until about 3 weeks after we split. I've been going to the gym everyday, going out sometimes, talking to other girls, etc. I've had a lot of help & support as well from my cousin who's been guiding me through this. he's been through it before. but when I realized I wanted her back more than anything was when i would speak to other girls & just not feel it. especially with very attractive girls. all I thought about was her. I'm not sure if she wants to get back together or if she's out sleeping with or dating other guys, but all I know is my mindset has changed COMPLETELY. I'm beginning to miss her & all the little things. not just the sex, or the things she did for me. the actual little things that made our relationship what it was & that's what I miss. I think that's love & not loneliness honestly. we had an amazing relationship & I believe that it's possible to have that again. I still have yet to hear from her but she's on social media which is fine. I'm giving her the space she needs. I just don't want her to move on or forget about me or think I'm the same Denny downer I used to be. & im not saying the break up was all my fault cause she had many flaws that need to change as well, but I'm willing to be by her side for the help & unconditional love she needs.

 

It hurts to hear, but you need to look at this as a test for your relationship. If she really is going out and sleeping with different men as a way to not think about you or a way to 'move on' then she has very little respect for you and herself. And if she 'forgets' about you, then you know that the relationship was never meant to be, unfortunately. If she truly cared about you and truly had feelings for you and impacted her life as much as you guys think, she won't forget you.

You don't want to be with someone who can just forget you or would rather sleep with different men instead of patching things up with you, do you?

 

Yes, give her as much space as you can. Let her come to you, and if she never does, then that's how you know.