How to breakup with my depressed and borderline suicidal girlfriend?

[parker24]

So I am 20 years old, and I dated my girlfriend all throuought high school. We have been on and off multiple times throughout the years, but we always found our ways back to each other. We have dated for a total of probably 4+ years, but for the current relationship we are in, we just started dating around 5 months ago. I love her dearly, and I always have.

 

She is very insecure, has lots of self-esteem issues, has a terrible body image. I have always been the one (besides her mom who by the way cares for her and is there for her more than any mother I have seen) to be there for her, listen to her complain about her body, etc. Every issue seems to stem from her body image issues.

 

A little background on me and what I am going thru: I am currently in my second year in college and in a fraternity. I have turned down many girls, skipped many parties, stayed faithful, hung out with her whenever she wants to. But it is starting to feel like a chore and i feel like i do a lot of things for her to avoid conflict so she doesn't get upset with me.

 

I have started to feel more like her caretaker or therapist rather than her boyfriend. It has definitely taken a toll on me. On top of all this, I am enrolled in very challenging courses and trying to maintain a good GPA, along with having to be there for my younger brother who is still in high school who has severe anxiety, depression, and is giving my parents a hard time back home.

 

My girlfriend over the past week has fell into a depression that I have never from her before. Everything is dull to her, including me. She is an emotional roller coaster, even mentioning suicide. It devastates me, but I don't know what I can do anymore. I feel like a therapist, more than a boyfriend, even though she says she still loves me and doesn't know what she would do without me.

 

I cannot any longer take the stress of having to worry about my brother and my girlfriend, and it is seriously taking a toll on me. But i have been with her for pretty much my whole teenage life (16-20) and she means so much to me, but I know I cannot do it anymore.

 

Advice please???

Edited May 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[d0nnivain]

Just end it. Tell her that you feel your lives are going in different directions & you want to explore what college has to offer.

 

 

If you are concerned she will try to take her own life, call her mother & warn her that you broke up with your GF. Make it clear that you are calling because you are concerned about her overall well being.

 

 

You can't be her therapist but you are also not responsible for any decisions she makes after you break up.

[privategal]

This is hard but you do need to do this for yourself.

I agree with calling her mom.

Also see if you can get her Mom to take it seriously enough to take her to a doctor/ therapy...you dont have to but at the very least mention the suicide.

Next...very important, do it kindly, tell her how it has impacted you breifly, do it firmly and tell her you then need to heal and go nc.

Be very clear for both of your healing you cannot call, text, email.

You then.need to block from all social media, phone, everywhere.

If you think of it your babying her and taking care of her could be enabling her yo stay stuck, she might like to be the victim, she cant ever change or take responsibility until she is forced to.

You cant feel guilt if you do this the right way which is just simple clear honesty...then just go and know she will be ok and hopefully get help.

I wish you the best its hard to do but you are making a brave choice and its ok.

Dont wait...do it and move forward and think about you now.

[Rachel39]

This is a lot for someone of your age to be going through! At this age you should be carefree and loving and living your life.

 

I have been severely depressed before when I was in my 20s and my long term boyfriend at the time left me he couldn't cope... He phoned my mum and told her he was sorry but he couldn't cope anymore and that he couldn't look after me or carry me.

 

I was extremely ill at the time... I did get better but wasn't bothered about him leaving when I was ill as I didn't even know what day it was.

 

As soon as I was ok 6 months later it hit me he was gone and I wanted him back we did get back together and went on to have a son we lasted 10 more years and then we were done, down to him cheating.

 

I guess part of me could never forgive him for leaving me when I was ill and knew deep down that I couldn't marry or live my life with someone who would leave if I was ill, because I could get ill again.

 

You have your own life to live and could possibly make you feel ill yourself if you continue in this.

[Papiyon]

I applaud you for taking such an active and respectful role for and with your girlfriend. I can imagine it can be difficult for you to manage school, family and a relationship. Your gf is blessed to have you in her life. One of the biggest thing that stood out to me in your post is “She is an emotional roller coaster, even mentioning suicide.” I think it’s imperative that you guys seek professional counseling for her. If you don’t have anyone you can contact. Maybe you can contact she can discuss her situation with a Focus counselor at no cost to you. They provide free phone licensed consultation. Their contact number is 1-855-771-HELP (4357). I truly hope this helps. Even if you don’t use this number please please please seek professional help for your girlfriend,. Although you are very supportive,; I’m concerned that this his could be out of your hand, especially if she’s constantly emotionally unstable and has mentioned suicide. Hope this helps. Blessings to you and your gf. I will be praying for you both.

[MsJayne]

Sounds like serious depression, which is for professional people to handle. I agree with others who advise you to speak to her mother, but end things with your girlfriend first, and explain to her, if she threatens suicide, that you will have to tell someone. Being loyal and caring about someone doesn't involve allowing them to emotionally manipulate you and drag you down. Just for the record, people who are truly thinking about suicide rarely tell anyone. Someone with depression may say they feel like killing themselves, but if they're actually planning it they'll keep quiet about it.