Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Hello everyone, I would ask you for an advice, or emotional support, regarding to my ex, I feel awful. I was not here for months, but a fool in me woke up. Anyway we were together for 7 years, she broke up with me, we were in NC, LC, contact, we saw each other few times, we slept together once, she was at my home for few days, she was playing with me hot and cold game until I said final goodbye 5 months ago, because she became really mean (like: I am flying now, I am free, I will have orgasm tonight, go find someone else etc.). I blocked her on everything and I was living my life, meeting new friends, but I never went to a date, I just couldn't, I do love her. In those 5 months she tattooed my face on her arm, went to museum of broken relationships and left some of my stuff. I tried to get there, but that trip was not end up well, so I did not see what is it. She also went on some healing rituals for finding herself and cleansing soul. Everything was fine for me until one day when I was feeling really sad and I missed her a lot, so I sent her a picture of a rose, she replied with the picture of the desert, then she called me, we were talking for hours, she was crying. Anyway, she said she cant find me until she find herself, she must love herself first and I need to do it myself, she cant give me anything. Well, few days came bye and I sent her a message for her birthday, she replied with thank you (my name); after few days I sent another message with flowers she called me to tell me to leave her alone. I did. After a week she called me to tell me that she had a dream about me and we talked almost all day, we were laughing, then she started to cry, we were flirting, we said goodnight. Easter came I sent her a message happy easter day to us, she replied happy. After a week I sent her a message I miss you, she called and yelled at me to leave her alone, that she taking medications (antidepressant). I told her to let me help her, but she said I can't because I am the one who ruined her. I could not believe that she was saying that after all things she did to me (she left me, humiliated me on her facebook wall calling me a fool, treated me like a dog). I just told her sorry I just cant stop loving someone that fast as you after all these years, she said it is not fast for me either, I hang up. I feel awful that someone because of me taking medications and that I ruined her, what can I do, please. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 This girl is begging you to leave her alone..so what you can do is LEAVE HER ALONE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 But she was contacting me also. I am not asking you how to get her back, I am asking you how to help her. And thank you I did that. You can read all my posts before this one to have a full picture about our situation. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) You cannot help her. She's not yours to help, and besides, if she's on medication then she's already being helped. Doesn't matter if she was contacting you too. Block her and stop talking to her. That's the best thing you can do for her right now. Again, she WANTS you to go away. She told you so. She may have days where she's feeling weak or sad and she cracks and contacts you but the best thing you can do for her is to ignore her. You two are toxic for each other. Leave her alone. Edit - just looked at your old threads. You've been doing this for a year already. It's really, truly, 1000% time to let her go. She doesn't want you. Edited May 2, 2016 by ChickiePops 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) Thank you. I really feel awful and I can't understand what did I did to her. I did leave her alone, but I am scared for her. Edited May 2, 2016 by Aries82 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 The good part of being broken up is that she's not your responsibility anymore. She's obviously getting help elsewhere and if you try to insert yourself into this, you'll only delay her recovery. Stop messaging her and block her so she can't message you. Both of you need to heal and get over each other. This is the kindest thing you can do for her. Go find a new girlfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 Thank you again for your kind words and support. Well, we are broken up for year and half and maybe this looks like a loooong period but it is not. We were living together for 7 years and we had a hard life. You can't just forget, over night, what you had and who you love in all these years. We both have hard time with moving on. And you can't find another girlfriend because girlfriends are not in a supermarket, love finds you. And I am trying to build myself, heal completely before I can be with someone else. I am not a person who is using someone else to heal or to feel better about myself . Thank you again best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Why do you both feel that you ruined her? What did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss.A Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 As a person who has depression, and when my ex broke up with me it got 10x worse.. The best thing you can do for her is let her be. It might not seem like that because you want to help her and your scared and care for her well being. But the only way she can push through without you, is if you're not there. It's so important to her that she doesn't feel like a burden to you, and with you being around telling her that you are scared for her well being, you're doing exactly that. Your making her feel as if the only reason you are around is because you feel like you're responsible and that shes a burden to you. It's hard to explain everything that could be going on in her head but I assure you, being around when shes going through this.... its not helping her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 I do not know, maybe I never will. I gave up everything for her, moved in a another country, lived with her without papers, cleaning toilets (I have two college degrees ), I gave up my family. So, once I left to visit them and flood affected my home country, we lost everything, my car was under water, I stuck there for two months before I was able to come home to her. When I came she left me. Since then I was trying to please her when she said to leave her alone I did, but she came to see me, when she said sent me nice emails, I wrote her a book, then she backs away, she said block her, I did etc. So I do not know what I did, she said when she was leaving me that she needs to find herself. I am lost and in a mess, I feel guilty but I do not know why, maybe I could did more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 Miss A. thank you for a advice this is very helpful. But your EX broke up with you, it is not surprise you felt worse, sorry to hear that, you must be devastated. But she broke up with me, in first few months she was really happy, then down, the same last summer after she spent with me few days, we had the best time. After she left humiliations started again, insults, her happy face. I left her alone every time. Now this again she is worst then ever. Did you have ups and downs, such a mood swings, etc? Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Thank you again for your kind words and support. Well, we are broken up for year and half and maybe this looks like a loooong period but it is not. We were living together for 7 years and we had a hard life. You can't just forget, over night, what you had and who you love in all these years. We both have hard time with moving on. And you can't find another girlfriend because girlfriends are not in a supermarket, love finds you. And I am trying to build myself, heal completely before I can be with someone else. I am not a person who is using someone else to heal or to feel better about myself . Thank you again best wishes. It's not overnight..it's a year and a half. It's time already. You're her ex, not her friend and not her family. She's depressed, its chemical. She is on medication and hopefully in therapy. This is a common problem and you can't cure it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries82 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 You are right, thank you. I am just worrying about her as a person because she is a good person, I do not see her as my ex I see her as someone who needs help and she is alone on some island with not so many people on it. She is alone, without family, without friends, and what can I do wait for summer when her family arrive on island and find her in what state. Don't you get it I do not want her back and she doesn't want help from me or doctor or anybody else, But sounds easier take your advice block her, delete her, move on with your life, because it is not my concern, she is not my "thing" anymore, sounds easier to be that selfish. Thank you a lot I feel much better now, as human being in a first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss.A Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Miss A. thank you for a advice this is very helpful. But your EX broke up with you, it is not surprise you felt worse, sorry to hear that, you must be devastated. But she broke up with me, in first few months she was really happy, then down, the same last summer after she spent with me few days, we had the best time. After she left humiliations started again, insults, her happy face. I left her alone every time. Now this again she is worst then ever. Did you have ups and downs, such a mood swings, etc? I go though times of hating my ex and time where all I wanna do is talk to him. Your right its different because she broke up with you, so im not sure what the best option is. Maybe if she outwardly reaches for you saying she needs your help.. then step in. But don't seek her out to try and help her. If that makes sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Hi. NO, you didn't ruin her ! She plays the blame-game because it's easier than being mature about it and owning up to our own faults. However, if I were you, I would leave her alone. That's what she wants, don't reply for her cutsie messages either. I know you love her but it needs to be mutual. She walked away, it's on her, not you. Work on yourself, grow, study, new experiences, learn new skills, hang out with nice friends etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 You are right, thank you. I am just worrying about her as a person because she is a good person, I do not see her as my ex I see her as someone who needs help and she is alone on some island with not so many people on it. She is alone, without family, without friends, and what can I do wait for summer when her family arrive on island and find her in what state. Don't you get it I do not want her back and she doesn't want help from me or doctor or anybody else, But sounds easier take your advice block her, delete her, move on with your life, because it is not my concern, she is not my "thing" anymore, sounds easier to be that selfish. Thank you a lot I feel much better now, as human being in a first place. But she IS your ex. It's not selfish to move on from an ex. Regardless of all of that, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. What's selfish is trying to push your own agenda onto someone who has repeatedly asked you to back off. You want to help her so you can feel like her hero..and yeah, you do want her back. Anyone who didn't would've backed off by now. She is begging you to leave her alone..why won't you listen to her? Why is it all about you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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