LooperDooper Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Been going back to this site a lot and seeing some posts of cheating significant others and it got me thinking, do cheaters ever regret their actions and consider that they might have lost somebody special because of their actions? Like do they ever one day genuinely think to themselves they lost the man/woman of their dreams because they committed stupid mistakes? Link to post Share on other sites
edel Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Been going back to this site a lot and seeing some posts of cheating significant others and it got me thinking, do cheaters ever regret their actions and consider that they might have lost somebody special because of their actions? Like do they ever one day genuinely think to themselves they lost the man/woman of their dreams because they committed stupid mistakes? Probably. But that doesn't mean they learn from it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lalibela Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I cheated. I regret it and I learned from it. I cheated because it was an immature coping mechanism I developed in my teen years. I didn't cheat because I didn't love my boyfriend. Actually he is the love of my life, and although at first we seemed to survive, it eventually ended. I don't know if I'll ever stop regretting, it hurts me so deep in my heart. Because I lost him and also because I'm so ashamed. It's the worst thing I ever did. But getting caught also made me realise I had to sort my issues out and I have had lots of intense therapy to do that. I know I'll never treat someone that way again and I'm grateful that I can say that. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Sure cheaters reget it. My dude cheated - sorrow and regret were often expressed by him. I cheated, and yes in many ways I regret making that choice. Now, cheating wasn't the best course of action for either of us, but I can say it was a catalyst for positive changes. Link to post Share on other sites
big dog Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Absolutely ! and live with it the rest of their lives ! Not all of course... but some do. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Looper Dooper, Q. Do cheaters ever regret it? A. No, the only thing they regret is getting caught. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Aries, there is some underlying truth to that comment. Most here cheat in varying ways...we cheat ourselves from living a full life, We cheat ourselves by being over indulgent in certain pleasures or addictions. Yet some would gleefully say they have no regrets for behaving poorly because they live life on their terms. They give zero consideration for how its caustic or in some ways leading thru poor example. And in essence they have Cheated mankind and basically given society the royal finger so to speak. So yeah most of us do rarely regret the "cheating", contingent on where you are in giving or receiving....But lets pretend that we have a heart and regret. Yeah, I lived that life....and I did regret that sorrow created......For those that trusted and were hurt.....I think the hurt was real for you, but the cheater ....not so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) Yes No and sometimes much later. My wife did not loose me ... but she did loose the me I was and the love I had. Edited February 12, 2016 by dichotomy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
puzzleddad67 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Mine ex does. I THINK. She just found out loverboy had another girlfriend. Shrug. She did not feel up to her weekend with the kids so I got a bonus weekend. Funny how mostly I feel ambivalent except perhaps a bit vindicated. (VS ha ha on you happy) He was an obvious player and she should have seen it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Been going back to this site a lot and seeing some posts of cheating significant others and it got me thinking, do cheaters ever regret their actions and consider that they might have lost somebody special because of their actions? Like do they ever one day genuinely think to themselves they lost the man/woman of their dreams because they committed stupid mistakes? I guess it depends on the cheater. I had a very short affair 32 years ago....and my biggest regret in life is that i did it. The one thing I wish for everyday...is that i could take it away. I did not GET CAUGHT...I confessed. I have lived the past 32 years trying to make it up to my husband. I know what I almost lost...and i don't take anything for granted. I am grateful that my husband chose reconciliation instead of divorce. I did not deserve a second chance.....but he loved me enough to want to give me that chance. I did not make a mistake...I made a choice...a choice to cheat....and I will live with that decision the rest of my life. Infidelity is destructive....it takes away something in a relationship that can never be recaptured. It ruins lives..it ruins families. Not all cheaters become remorseful...and not all betrayed spouses forgive. For those who can do both...the rewards are worth the effort and work reconciliation can bring. Reconciliation is not for everyone...sometimes divorce is the best answer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I think some do and some don't. It's all situation dependent. I think my ex regrets cheating sometimes... but really it's only when he sees that where he is at now is worse than he had it with me. How many times I've heard him say "I miss you so much" and various other things that indicate he regrets his choice. Problem is, it hasn't stop him from behaving that way in every relationship he's ever had because that's how he copes. For him, his regret comes only when his life is currently ****ty. When it isn't and things are good, he doesn't regret a thing. What good would it do a cheater to regret their choice if they keep doing it and learned nothing from it? But that's just him. He's not the norm. There are people who do grow up and realize the mistake they made and regret the choices they made and then learn from it. It's not an easy thing to do... admit when you've screwed everything up and then live with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 There is a big difference in regret and remorse....and you have chosen the right word for your ex. He REGRETS his choice.... but he isn't remorseful for it...he isn't repentant for his action. He just regrets it. Remorse would mean taking responsibility for his choice and doing something about it. As you said....He has not learned a thing.... Some people just don't learn form their mistakes and choices. They continue in the same self destructive actions. I am glad you made the best choice for you and got out of the relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 While cheaters are busy cheating , they know they are cheating and at the same time , in their mind, justifying it by having a pity party for themselves and putting the blame on the cheated partner. They do have answers ready if/ when they get caught. They willingly enter into the zone but I've yet to see someone exiting it the same way. Most of them have good vocab which they use on D day! Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 My H & I both regret what we did to each other. Though I went in eyes open & didn't care if I lost the marriage I had during my A. I had tried everything to fix it & was at my last straw when I cheated. Mine was kind of an exit A & I confessed bc I knew it was wrong & didn't want to be living that way anymore. So I think it depends on the reasons for cheating & on the person. Is it possible for someone to regret & feel remorse, absolutely. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 My H regrets that infidelity was his ticket out of his previous M, but he doesn't regret leaving his M. He just wishes he'd not taken her back previously, that he'd been single and free when I came along. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 They might regret it if they were caught and lose some of the benefits of the relationship they were in and a tiny few do genuinely change over the years. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 They will never stop cheating because all they know is one thing they got away with it. Some don't even care or not if they do cheat. I never cheat but been cheated on twice. Those that cheat don't give a hoot. Best to leave them and find someone who's not a cheater and really appreciate you for who your are in and out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 They will never stop cheating because all they know is one thing they got away with it. Some don't even care or not if they do cheat. I never cheat but been cheated on twice. Those that cheat don't give a hoot. Best to leave them and find someone who's not a cheater and really appreciate you for who your are in and out. yeah and the BS is left to deal with trust issues and called on for carrying baggage and to seek therapy to trust again ! Sick. Link to post Share on other sites
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