Kay7 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 My ex told me last month that he doesn't love me 4 yrs ago and doesn't even like me,I know he has girls in between but I was thinking that as long as he still comes to me it was ok, but I'm still hoping he'd comeback since we have a son together i don't want him fatherless, and I know if I don't make any effort he won't do anything to see him, we saw each other last Saturday and had sex today I feel worst every time i see him, he's al ways verbally abusive to me he has been telling me that he doesn't love me but I don't know how to let go, I'm so pathetic! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 You are not pathetic you are human. You also now know you can't be trusted around him so stop putting yourself in settings where sex is possible. Don't be alone with him. Work out a co-parenting arrangement that involves transferring custody of your son in public. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 You really are pathetic, aren't you? He told you this 4 years ago? I mean, I can see recently, but for that long? Ugh. I'm somewhat of a hard ass, so take this for what it's worth. You'll need strength to do this. I would have some papers drawn up where he gives up his parental rights to you. Invite him over, and have a conversation with him about being a father to the child with the expectation that his relationship with you will no longer be sexual or romantic. Should he tell you that he doesn't want anything to do with you or the child, that's when you whip out your papers, and ask him to sign. Bring a copy he can take with him. Whichever way it goes, stop seeing him for sex. Find a nice, new BF who is willing to put up with another man's child and maybe even recurring visits from the father just to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) My ex told me last month that he doesn't love me 4 yrs ago and doesn't even like me,I know he has girls in between but I was thinking that as long as he still comes to me it was ok, but I'm still hoping he'd comeback since we have a son together i don't want him fatherless, and I know if I don't make any effort he won't do anything to see him, we saw each other last Saturday and had sex today I feel worst every time i see him, he's al ways verbally abusive to me he has been telling me that he doesn't love me but I don't know how to let go, I'm so pathetic! He is using you unfortunately. It hurts when you love someone and they don't love you back. What's wrong with your situation though is that he keeps coming back to use you as and when he wants because he knows how you feel about him. He is using your emotions against you. It's time to change! Realise he is using you because you are allowing it. You are stronger than that. Do not let him or anyone else use you for sex. On top of that he is emotionally abusing you in order to keep your self esteem low so that you keep welcoming him back. It's a classic tactic in order to keep you hanging on to him. You are the only one that controls your life. You can and should say no to him. Do not have any contact with him outside of that relating to you child. If he try's to contact you for any other reason ignore it. Be strong. You are in control of your future and with him you know what that looks like and it isn't good. Get some counselling and try to put yourself back together. If he wants contact with your child make sure you have someone else with you every time. Someone who can support you. Do not see him alone. You need to step up and set strong boundaries. You will not tolerate him verbally abusing you. You will no longer have sex with him under any circumstances. Rinse and repeat. Edited February 10, 2016 by 266696687 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Stop allowing yourself to be used like this. If he's a decent man..he will be in his child's life without receiving sex in return. Does he pay child support? Does he spend time with his son on his own? Do you keep in touch with your child's paternal grandparents? You should try and get time to yourself....don't make yourself available for him like that. Make it clear that you're not hanging on his every breath...go out on dates...enjoy your life. Don't let him define you... there are lots of guys out there. Oh yeah..always look on point when you see him... but don't let him get in your knickers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kay7 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Thank you very much for all your advice! I really need it well he only gives me money for our childs school other than that no, I earn more than him. his relatives sometimes contacts me, my parents doesn't like him so he doesn't want to go to my house so I'm afraid that if I stop seeing him he will not visit our son I don't want him to be abandoned by his father Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Get him another father... you know, the kind that actually thinks well of his mother. Do it young enough and he won't know the difference. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 he's always verbally abusive to me Is this really the kind of role model you want for your son? Kids pick up on stuff like this, and before you know it he will be verbally abusing you too, and then where will you be? Concentrate on making a better life for you and your son that doesn't involve abuse of any kind 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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