Really hurting. Finally letting it all out.

[jdro2322]

So here we go, I'm gonna spill my guts and get it all out there.

 

I dated a girl for around a year and a half. We met through mutual friends and we hit it off instantly. We waited 3 or so months before we made it "official". Things couldn't have been better. We very very rarely argued or had any kinds of fights. So I was just about to finish school, and so was she. She finished in nursing and I finished in avionics. She was able to find a job right off the bat close to where we were from. I on the other hand could not find a job since the field I was in was smaller.

 

I ended up having to move to Florida, about 8 hours from her. We discussed it and it was the best thing for me to do. I was getting experience so I could move back home to her after a year. When I moved to Florida we had been dating for a year and everything was still great. She was very supportive of the move and we knew we could make it work. So she came and visited twice on her off weeks and we got to spend a lot of time together, went to Disney world, and just did a lot of fun things.

 

This is where I start to really get hurt and feel nauseous. After about 8 months of dating she would tell me that "I was the one", that she was "never going anywhere", shes "never gonna leave", "she couldn't wait to have kids with me". I felt the same way. She was the love of my life and I felt so relieved that I had found the one. She would even send me links on my phone to engagement rings that she liked. I always told her that I'll ask her to marry her when she doesn't expect it. I wanted it to be special.

 

So things were still great about a year and half into it. Late in October she went to her best friends wedding back home where we were from, keep in mind I'm still 8 hours away from her. Everything was fine, we texted before and after. So next day rolls around and I texted her and didn't get a response, called and didn't get an answer. She finally text me at 1 in the afternoon saying she was hungover and couldn't hear her phone. Totally understandable, but then she tells me she had been really thinking and that going to this wedding opened her eyes.

 

She said that she doesn't think my parents will give her everything her best friends in laws gave her. So I screwed up and immediately thought she had cheated on me with someone at the wedding. I know she didn't and I was just a bit flustered and helpless being so far away from her. So I asked her if she wanted to break up because if she thought that way it will probably never change, even though my parents loved her to death. So she told me that it was probably the best thing to do.

 

I was absolutely devastated because I never could picture this day happening. I was so close with her family and she was with mine. I didn't know where it came from and why it came out of the blue. I screwed up and begged for her back the next weekend and she just didn't respond. Keep in mind that she was telling me that she couldn't wait to get married just a week or so before this, and sending me links to houses and rings that she liked.

 

So here I am 5 or 6 weeks of no contact, in Florida by myself in my one bed room apartment. I only have a few friends here so its difficult to go out and keep myself occupied. I'm not gonna lie, I tend to over analyze things. I looked at her Instagram and saw that a guy she worked with was liking all of her pictures, so I immediately thought "that's the one she replaced me with". It all happened so sudden that I cant help but to think that she replaced me, and that shes so happy right now with this new person. She ended up deleting every single picture of us off her Instagram like I didn't exist. It was like we never dated.

 

So right now I'm really destroyed. I have good days and bad ones. I feel like I'm over it one day and the next day my stomach is in a million knots. I feel like if I couldn't keep her even after everything she told me and talked about, that I cant keep anyone. I think all day about how what if she was talking to someone behind my back. The last time she was here in Florida visiting, her phone went off and it was a snapchat message from someone, and it said "only your selfies make me smile". I asked her about it and she told me that she sends pictures sometimes to everyone, but I never got that one. So I'm thinking about things like that now and its making me sick to think that I was her "backup plan" or something and she was just waiting for the right time to jump in with this new guy.

 

I have no clue if there is anyone else but I would have to believe there is because of how sudden this all happened. I know this is pretty much just one big run on sentence but I'm trying to pour my feelings out and theres no other way for me to do it. Please help. any advice would be great. I just need someone to talk to. I feel like I did everything right and got betrayed. Thank yall

Edited December 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs~T

[jdro2322]

the thing is, everything is great in my life right now besides that. just got promoted at work after 5 months of being there, but all I can think about is her on top of someone else. My dad and bestfriend have talked to me a lot about it and said that I really dodged a bullet if she just up and left like that, but still I cant forget the memories and how well we got along. Its like losing my bestfriend.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Congrats on your promotion, that is great news!

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with your dad and best friend, you absolutely dodged a bullet. Saying she doesn't think your parents will give her everything her best friends in laws gave her makes her sound like a shallow, arrogant, spoiled brat. Also, as a reason to break up, it is weak excuse. How she has behaved during and after the breakup shows her true character. You are right to not trust her and feel aggrieved by her behavior.

 

I'm sorry you have not only lost the girl you loved but your best friend, but in the long run you are lucky she showed her true colors before you got her a ring.

 

Try to stay away from anything of hers on social media. It is like poison. Focus on your future and enjoying things that can make you happy, whether it is new hobbies or making new friends.

 

Hang in there.

[jdro2322]

Thank you so much Scarlett for responding. Just reading that and hearing it from someone else makes me feel so much better. I wanted to be with that girl forever but I have to understand that if she just leaves like that then she'll always do that. If she wants to sleep with someone else, she is gonna have to live with that. I wish we could pick up where we left off in the future, but I know I'll never be able to look at her the same because there's no doubt in my mind she's gonna sleep with someone in the near future.

I mean I tried everything to work this out when it happened. Texted a few times and called a few times but no response. Three weeks ago I made one final attempt to contact her. I asked her if there was any hope, just to please tell me if there was a little hope. I told her that I would drive the 9 hours back and take a day off of work just to talk to her face to face. She finally sent a text back saying "there's no hope jordan, I'm moving on". That was the only text she sent through this 6 week ordeal. Someone that says they want to spend the rest of their life with you one day then turn around literally the next and totally remove themselves from your life is heartbreaking. It's unlike everything I've ever felt. I wake up everyday and force myself to go to work even though I want to go back home so bad, but I know this is where I'm meant to be right now because I have a great opportunity. I just don't know why it happened or why she did it. I guess I'll never know.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

That is true, you may never know or understand, but is most likely because you are a more compassionate and kind human being, qualities she has yet to learn.

 

Keep moving forward. Some days will be easier than others, but in time it will get easier.

 

You have a bright future ahead of you.

[jdro2322]

Correct. I think all along she actually didn't know what she wanted even though she claimed she did. She's 22 and I'm 25... I just feel as if it's unfair to lead someone on as bad as she did. Everyone says she'll be begging for me soon, but to me she just seems so adamant about her decision. Even if she did beg I don't want to give her the time of day. As mean as it sounds, I want her to feel the feelings that I'm feeling everyday

[DontBreakEven]

I just want to give you big hugs. You sound like a fantastic guy. I know exactly what you are going through. I have been engaged twice, both times they turned into someone else overnight and completely disappeared from my life, acting cold and distant while I was dizzy with trying to understand what happened.

 

And honestly, I don't think I ever will. The first was 7 years ago and it changed my life, my trust in people, etc. But I healed and moved on. The second was 2 years ago, and I healed much quicker from that just because I know that it can happen. I'm still shocked, but people are capable of doing that to the ones they claim to love.

 

Scarlett is right, you dodged a bullet. So did I. Two of them. You know what was the one interesting characteristic that both of these people had that none of my other partners have had? They were disturbingly selfish. That would never make for a happy life anyway.

 

Please hang in there. Time heals all. But time takes time. So keep posting.

[jdro2322]

Dontbreakeven, thank you so much for the response. Every time I see that someone responds it makes the pain go away just a little more. Literally the past 10 or so hours have been my best in 6 weeks. Things are so great with work, but I still catch myself thinking that "hey if I would've stayed back in Louisiana I would've never lost her", but I have to keep telling myself that I'm in the right spot. If she loved me like she said she did then she would've have had no problems making this work. Everyday it's getting better but that thought of never being able to hold her again is killer. I find myself really putting a lot pressure to date other women but it just doesn't feel natural right now. I guess it all just takes time.

[jdro2322]

Speaking of selfish, she wanted a $1500 dog for Christmas and I was gonna surprise her with it. I could've fed the dogs in the shelter for a month with that money. It's all starting to make sense now.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

find myself really putting a lot pressure to date other women but it just doesn't feel natural right now. I guess it all just takes time.

 

You are right not to date until you feel ready to do so. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

Speaking of selfish, she wanted a $1500 dog for Christmas and I was gonna surprise her with it. I could've fed the dogs in the shelter for a month with that money. It's all starting to make sense now.

 

As you look back over your relationship you will begin to see more red flags of her behavior, which is a good thing. In the future if you see the same behavior in women you date, you will know it is a bad sign.

[jdro2322]

Dontbreakeven, if you don't mind me asking, did any of your ex fiances ever try and reestablish communication?

[jdro2322]

Double post

[marky00]

Someone that says they want to spend the rest of their life with you one day then turn around literally the next and totally remove themselves from your life is heartbreaking. It's unlike everything I've ever felt.

 

I hear you man. Same thing happened to me and almost all other dumpees on this site.

 

I had my gf out to my country for Christmas, she was telling me she wanted to live with me for a year. Went back to her country and was sending me more photos than ever before, was wishing me a good day by sms most mornings (not something she did earlier in the relationship). She broke up with me on Valentines Day when I arrived in her country.

 

There are a few reasons they do this:

 

1) They are already planning breaking-up and want to leave a good impression by showing they were trying and to give you those happy moments they knew you were yearning for. Knowing they gave you some pleasure even on false pretences relieves some of their guilt post BU.

 

2) When there are discussions about kids, marriage, dreams of future etc the stakes in the relationship rise. It is usually after such conversations, dumpers feel the pressure and want to escape the relationship.

 

3) If the dumper is two-timing you, out of guilt they will over-compensate and say all the things you want to hear.

 

Almost all dumpee's stories are the same on this site. You hardly ever hear a story where a dumpee says "oh the relationship was going nowhere so she left". It always something like "oh wow, we spoke about our future blah blah blah and the she was gone".

[jdro2322]

Wow that just leaves a sickening feeling in my stomach knowing she probably wanted to break up with me long before she actually did, and then kept leading me on. Makes me want to send her an extremely angry text. I won't of course but those feelings are there.

[DontBreakEven]

Dontbreakeven, if you don't mind me asking, did any of your ex fiances ever try and reestablish communication?

 

They didn't. I talked to the first one again eventually (I made contact), and now I could have contact if I want, but I choose not to. We have nothing in common anymore. The 2nd one I never heard from again nor have I tried to make any contact.

 

I find once a ring is placed on a finger and then removed, there is no point in any contact again. It's done.

[jdro2322]

That must have been so difficult. I just thank God that I actually didn't put a ring on her finger because I would've been really really bad off.

[jdro2322]

Just an update today. It hasn't been a particularly great day for me. During the week I stay busy with work, but on the weekends its easy for my mind to wander. I'm still so hung up with picturing her being intimate with someone else when just 2 months ago she was telling me that she would never think about going anywhere, that she found the person she cant live without. Its been a month and a half of NC and I blocked her and her family from facebook so I didn't have to torture myself. I plat a lot of golf, and today I went out and played to try and ease my mind but she was still there. Its so heartbreaking to know that she probably is with someone new and has totally forgotten about anything we had for the past two years. Sorry to be so bothersome with all of this, but just typing it out helps me so much. I love hearing everyones advice, so thank yall so much for that. Have a good night.

Edited December 12, 2015 by jdro2322

[Marc878]

Luckily for you it happened now. She obviously is immature and committed in words only.

 

It doesn't seem like it now but there are much better out there who will honor and cherish you more than she ever could.

 

There is no answer to this other than she's someone who was lacking in what you really need for a life's commitment.

 

One of the posters was right on point. You dodged a huge bullet here.

 

Never contact her again for any reason. You never had a future there.

 

Good luck. You'll do fine.

[jdro2322]

Thanks marc for the response. Like you said, I dodges a HUGE bullet. I plan to get married one time and I know if I would've married her she would've just left me sooner or later. Like I said, I'm pretty adamant about never speaking to her or sending her a text message for as long as I live. Ive blocked her and her friends from seeing anything on social media so its like I don't exist. I've always heard that no matter what girls go back and try and check up and see what youre up to. So if I take that away from her maybe it'll make her feel like crap for just one second. As much as the temptation of texting her is there, I know if I send it itll just make her head swell even more. She'd screenshot my text and send it to her friends, and theyd get a laugh out of it (yea shes that type of girl). I know finding out her true colors is for the best, but still when I think of the two wonderful years with her its like someone takes a hot knife and rams it in my gut, because I know now she probably didn't care and that all my efforts were for nothing.

Edited December 13, 2015 by jdro2322

[jdro2322]

Quick update. Met a girl out last night and we have a brunch date tomorrow. She's definitely my type and she has an awesome personality! ttotally took my mind off my ex!!!