Ncpeter12 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I just wanna know any experiences will a partner who left cause of GIGS or any general thoughts on the GIGS theory. My ex recently left me and it fits GIGS stories I have read so I'm assuming that is what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 "GIGs" is like a unicorn. It exists, but really doesn't. No matter who our ex is - my ex, your ex - any ex on this board, they leave us, because to them, there's something better than you or I out there. Its never truly a problem with us, its simply them searching for something they think they need/want/don't have. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Sometimes, the grass actually is greener. Sometimes it isn't. There's no way to really know unless you try. People feel the itch, so they scratch it. Unless you're married, you don't have a big stake in not scratching it. Sometimes you'll pay the price, even if you are married. Don't view this as a bad thing. It is very normal for somebody to get to the end of a relationship before the other one does. It never feels good to come in last. If you do, all you can really do about it is to accept that they've made a choice, and in the end, that choice benefits you too. Love is not a prison sentence. You want a partner who wants to be there, not one who is there out of guilt, or fear, or who will cheat instead of leave you. You just need to get used to the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) I think GIGS exists but it normally only applies to very short or very long relationships. So for someone who just gets bored easily and keeps trying new things, that person definitely is following the GIGS theory. Also after a very long relationship, someone might leave to have that "new" feeling, i.e. enjoy the honeymoon phase again. But i think if a relationship is say like 6 months to 2 years or so, I don't think they left you for GIGS. Its long enough to say that they didn't have commitment issues and too short to have the urge to experience the honeymoon phase again. GIGS is more about leaving you because ur Ex wants a completely new feeling and has nothing to do with you in a way. In other words, it probably would have happened no matter who u were. If however, your Ex accepted who you are and chose to leave you then that's not really GIGS in my opinion. I wish my Ex left me for GIGS but somehow I don't think that is the case. I see my mistakes, I see the flaws in the relationship... even though I still love her dearly. Edited November 30, 2015 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think GIGS only applies to very short relationships. You see something else you find more tempting and leave. With long relationships, they just didnt want to be with you anymore and left. If they have been with you a very long time, they know all the reasons why it didnt work. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I had an ex who left me to play the field and hook up with someone else. He wanted back into my life around 8 or 9 months later but I was over it by then. The way I see it is, if someone wants to leave to see what else is out there, then I'll hold the door open for them. I won't wait around for anyone who wants to test outside waters, and if they're willing to risk losing a relationship just in case there's someone better, then they don't belong with me anyway. People hold on to this gigs theory as hope, because there's always that chance that the other side wasn't as good as you were, and they'll return. But in the grand scheme of things, if someone is willing to let go for something else, they aren't as invested as you are. Life's just too short to be a back up plan.. In my humble opinion Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I had an ex who left me to play the field and hook up with someone else. He wanted back into my life around 8 or 9 months later but I was over it by then. The way I see it is, if someone wants to leave to see what else is out there, then I'll hold the door open for them. I won't wait around for anyone who wants to test outside waters, and if they're willing to risk losing a relationship just in case there's someone better, then they don't belong with me anyway. People hold on to this gigs theory as hope, because there's always that chance that the other side wasn't as good as you were, and they'll return. But in the grand scheme of things, if someone is willing to let go for something else, they aren't as invested as you are. Life's just too short to be a back up plan.. In my humble opinion This post made me think (you're on a real streak here, Meli). There are times when you'll leave a relationship to play the field... ie, not for anyone in particular, but for variety's sake. I've done that. You know, because you don't value the relationship very much. That strikes me as what GIGS is all about...when the other side of the fence is completely different, not the same thing with somebody different. In other words, it's not whether Shoshanna is going to be nicer than Tawambla, because you never know. That's more about level of interest than anything else. It's about would I rather be a bachelor than in a committed relationship. Anyway, food for thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) I think GIGS only applies to very short relationships. You see something else you find more tempting and leave. With long relationships, they just didnt want to be with you anymore and left. If they have been with you a very long time, they know all the reasons why it didnt work. Have to disagree slightly. Sure GIGS is prolly more relevant to short relationships but if u research cases of Ex's returning to previous partners, most of these are where the relationship was longer than 2 years. You see, every 10 year relationship is going to lead to reduction in interest level. One person leaves for a new relationship when they want to experience that new exiting feeling where interest levels are at a maximum. However, what may happen is that as the new relationship moves on past the honeymoon phase, they then have a better comparison of both relationships and could possibly return to the previous LTR. A sensible person knows that you cant truly compare a honeymoon phase to where u were at when u left a 10 year relationship. They are two totally different things, and in my opinion 2 totally different things = GIGS. GIGS is kind of independent of the people involved. It would have happened regardless. Edited December 1, 2015 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
rec88 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Bottom line with gigs is we get fixated on new and exciting things. Whether it's new people, new places, new things... Happened to me. Happens to most people in their 20s. My lady back in the day found an exciting opportunity to experience life that didn't include me, and she took it. Fact is, people love experiencing new things, and people around that age often have flexibility, mobility, energy, enthusiasm, mixed with some lack of impulse control. Sometimes it works out for them, sometimes not. The most important thing I did was take that as a hint to do the same. Looked myself in the mirror and asked, "do you want to be with someone who told you they don't love you?" Honestly, the answer for a while was yes. It took a long time but I stopped worrying about her and learned to enjoy myself. Now I look back on that time in my life and smile! I guess if I'm saying anything, it's don't fixate on why they left because it doesn't matter. What does matter is that they chose to not be with you anymore. Use that as motivation to go and do something great for yourself Link to post Share on other sites
waterintobeer Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 From my experience, people who suffer from GIGS are the type of people who never seem to find any semblance of stability or happiness in life. They have convinced themselves that there is always something better. Whether it's a new partner, a new job, whatever it may be. They're constantly seeking something more and are never content with what they have, no matter how great it may be. Now, I'm not saying you should settle for being content. It's great to seek out better job opportunities or a new partner if things aren't great. But, as I said, from my experience, people with GIGS sort of abuse that notion unnecessarily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 My opinion is perhaps unpopular, but I think "GIGS" is just a convenient, manufactured label to help people cope when their partner loses interest and falls out of love. Some people want to believe in GIGS like it's a disease that can be caught, and therefore treated and cured. It's easier to process a loss when it seems the partner is suffering from "syndrome", rather than losing interest, being unwilling to commit, wanting to date around and so on. Thus, I don't buy into this "GIGS" theory, per se. Link to post Share on other sites
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