Finally have to Accept and Let Go

[Humbl3M1nd]

Male[25] Female[21] Together for 3 years.

 

I think my ex girlfriend is done with me, I spoke with her last night because I needed to get some stuff off my chest so I could let go and move on. She cut ties with me back in Sept and soon after that started to talk with someone else soon after. In my mind she just left out the blue but she told me in her mind she was done with the relationship before hand. Our relationship had a lot of up and downs and she told me what hurt the most was that she felt betrayed when there was times I didn't have her back when she got into it with our friends. She believes our breakup cause distance between her n friends close to me by there reactions towards her. She finally acknowledge how I changed to the person she always prayed for but when it happened it was too late. She says I need to stop beating myself up and blaming myself for the breakup. So she told me we couldn't be friends because she know the other guy wouldn't be ok with it that it can be on a hi and bye basis since we see each other at church (me and her attend the same church). She been talking to this guy for about 2 months. I took a chance n asked her if she would marry him n she was quick to say yes. Followed by how much better her treat her, treat her like a queen, how they are equally yoked, cares about her feelings and etc. She makes it seem like this guy is everything she always wanted. I told her I was happy for her n the first thing she said was "No you not" n I told her I really was because I care about her happiness. She knows I still love her and what to be with her but I know now I have to let her go. I told her I hope maybe in the future we could have something with eachother and her first reaction was "Oh so you hope my relationship don't workout" I said no thats not the case I then told her if its meant to be for her to spent the rest of her life with the new guy then I could respect that but I will always have faith that God will bring us back together. Our conversation didn't hurt as much seeing that I've been through the pain and heartache already so I was able to keep my emotions under control. I really love this girl but I know I need to let her go n if its meant to be then she will return. I understand that we needed to separate, our relationship was becoming unhealthy and even though I changed too late, I still want to believe that I have a chance maybe in the future. I've decided to stop contacting her so she can live her life n I can do the same. Can I get some advice.

[Confusioncreepsin]

My advice is simply, you found out what kind of person she is before getting any more involved. This is the good thing about dating, its kinda like an interview to see if they can work through the good times and bad. She failed. You dodged a bullet and here is why:

 

You were in a 3 year relationship, she broke up saying she didn't feel "it" anymore and found someone else within weeks. I believe she found this guy way before and felt convinced he would be a stable branch. Next, she is head over heels with him (called the honeymoon phase) which will eventually wear off and she will probably not feel "it" for him either. Sometimes these people have a pattern to them. Who knows, she may have found someone like her that is ok with with rebounding, but normally it ends the same way.

 

Be glad you had the conversation, and could actually see the crap she was slinging your way. At this point I would have ZERO contact...disappear from her life completely. Do not cheat or pass go on Facebook etc. Pretend you attended her funeral and save your dialog about missing her, loving her etc for places like here. Do not ever let her have insight into your personal life or emotions again.

[mightycpa]

OK, humble, here's your advice:

 

#1) Your goal is to not care about her romantically.

 

#2) Don't say hi and bye. Don't even acknowledge, just mind your own business and don't look at her. This will help you. If she gives you any static about it, you tell her that she needs to help you, and the way she can help you is to leave you completely alone. Tell her you'll let her know when you don't care about her any more. Conversations with her sound quarrelsome, and they don't make you feel good.

 

#3) Can you go to a different service at a different time? Change your schedule for most things that you do. Mix things up in your life, and your mind will learn how to deal with change and disruption in a determined way. This will have a positive effect on how you feel.

 

#4) Don't think that every relationship ends in marriage or eternal love, or even love on a Saturday night. Most don't. Yours didn't, and her new one may or may not. In addition, you shouldn't worry about what will happen to your love life, or hers. You need to worry about today, and how to get yourself closer to indifference for her affections.

 

#5) Join a club, meet new people, do different things. Have some goals, and work on them.

 

It all helps. There's no shortcuts.

[marky00]

Yeh..

 

When u said u changed too late, I so know what you mean.

 

I think dumpees kinda of pickup on dumpers a fair bit before they actually breakup. Its like once they have virtually checked out you kind of toughen up and start looking after yourself etc. Sadly for many of dumpees we kind of needed that jolt to get us into gear but usually the dumper has reached the point of no return (at least for a while).

 

I know that when she broke up with me, I had worked through my issues and I was back to the self she fell in love with. But sadly another guy popped up at the wrong time. Maybe if we had pushed on another 6 to 12 months, the fact I had changed may have kept us together... who knows.

 

I believe if someone loved you once they can love you again but they have to want to try. In other words, there needs to be some motivation for them to try and love you again. One such motivation would be if they became single again etc etc. Sure that is selfish on their behalf but in reality a relationship is about 2 people with their own selfish needs. Every human act has a hint of selfishness behind it, even Mother Teresa was selfish because she got a kick out of helping people.

Edited November 30, 2015 by marky00